Years Gone By
by Dmarx
Summary: In which Castle recovers from the bullets to his chest, shows up at the Twelfth, and begins to slowly but surely weasel his way into Captain Beckett's life…and her heart. A reimagining of the series in which Castle & Beckett first meet in the 7x06 (Time of Our Lives) AU storyline. Entry for the Castle Ficathon Winter 2017. Complete.
1. Prologue

_This has been sitting on my laptop half-finished for nearly three years because grad school and because I needed a break; from the show, from the internet, from the drama. But after a long hiatus, I recently started re-watching Castle from the beginning, and it_ _'s helped me remember why I loved this show so much in the first place. And why I loved writing fic for it. So I finally got around to finishing this._

 _A million thank yous to Alex for keeping me from writing myself into a corner (and for helping me crawl out when I did), and to Andy, my ever-enthusiastic beta and cheerleader!_

 _Disclaimer: If you recognize it from the show, it's safe to say it's not mine._

* * *

 **Prologue**

 **(November 10, 2014)**

 _"You saved my life, Mr. Castle. Why?"_

 _"Because I love you."_

* * *

Richard Castle's eyes opened slowly, first one and then the other, blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the bright fluorescent lights. He was surrounded by white walls, more machines than he could count, and everything smelled clean. Too clean.

Where was he?

Off to his left, a movement caught his eye and he followed it instinctively, wincing harshly when a sharp pain shot through him. More movement, and his brain could just barely process that it was the outline of a person rising, leaning over him. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth against the feeling of knives being driven into his chest.

When he opened them again, someone was there. A face, blurred around the edges at first but slowly becoming clearer. A face he recognized, but he wasn't immediately sure from where.

Brown hair, beautiful green eyes that had been haunting his dreams since the first moment he saw them.

Slowly, recognition dawned.

"Captain Beckett?"

He blinked, opened his eyes again, and sure enough it was her. She was leaning over him with a look of concern clouding her beautiful features, entirely too reminiscent of the last time he'd seen her face, eyes full of shock and fear and sadness as she knelt above him, hands pressing against the holes in his chest, trying in vain to stop the blood from flowing.

He'd been sure he was going to die. That he'd never see her again.

But, wait...

"You're here," he stated in utter confusion.

She nodded deliberately, an attempt to maintain her stoic façade.

"I'm..." He hesitated, a hundred words wanting to make themselves heard all at once, but none could find their way past the pain and drowsiness.

"You were shot," she reminded him gently. "You saved my life."

Right. It was coming back to him now. The mysterious object, being kidnapped at gunpoint, Kate showing up at precisely the right time to save the day. Gunshots. Lots of them. From her gun. And then two from theirs, aimed at her. Castle hadn't even had time to think it through. He'd just instinctively jumped.

The rest was obscured in a haze of burning pain, ripping through his chest and shredding his heart and lungs. But he clearly recalled her face above his, soft words spilling from her lips, pleading with him. Asking him why he would do such a thing. And he'd replied...

Oh god. He'd told her…

"Kate," he began, voice hoarse. His throat was so dry but he couldn't lift his head to look for a glass of water. God, why did his entire body seem to be both numb and on fire at the same time?

"I just came down here to thank you," she interrupted with a smile, putting an abrupt end to the impending conversation.

Thank him? His brain felt like mush, completely unable to follow her train of thought. What were they even talking about?

"For saving my life," she reminded him. "It was probably the stupidest thing you've ever done...jumping in front of a bullet for someone you barely know."

"Stupid seems to be my strong point," he lamented, voice gravelly. He fixed her with what he hoped somehow resembled his trademark charming, lopsided smile. He really couldn't tell if it was; he seemed to have only minimal control over his movements at present.

"Well, I'm grateful." She stood. "I should be going."

"Kate," he pleaded roughly, not ready to say goodbye, not when he was just beginning to be granted another chance with this extraordinary woman. He wasn't supposed to see her ever again. He wasn't supposed to see anyone ever again. "When I was lying on the ground..."

"You should get some sleep," she encouraged, backing away from his bedside. "Good night, Mr. Castle."

* * *

 _TBC..._


	2. Chapter 1

_A little bit of background on this fic: since it's based on the 7x06 AU (i.e. the universe where Castle and Kate haven't met until he shows up with that artifact), it takes place approximately 6 years after the pilot episode. It will loosely parallel the series_ _–_ _some things will be identical, some will be similar, but some will_ _be different. Based on what was established in the AU episode, Johanna_ _'_ _s ca_ _se hasn_ _'_ _t_ _been reopened, so this is where things will diverge the most. The timeline is also going to be compressed/altered._

 _Now, on to the chapter_ _…_

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **(February 9, 2015)**

"Captain?"

She lifted her head from the stack of paperwork piled on her desk, silent encouragement for Detective Ryan to continue.

He gestured to the door of her office. "There's someone here to see you."

Perfectly on cue, a man appeared in the doorway, smiling and offering thanks to Ryan as the detective silently slipped from the room, walking far enough away to be unseen but close enough to hear every word of the conversation that was about to ensue.

Kate blinked hard as if to erase what she was seeing, but to no avail. When she reopened her eyes, there he stood, two steps closer now. He was thinner than before, less muscular. His shirt hung off his shoulders and he looked exhausted, both in his eyes and his movements.

But it was undoubtedly him.

"Mr. Castle," she greeted, mustering up her manners.

"Hi, Kate," he replied. He knew he was taking a risk, using her first name. But he hadn't seen her outside of his dreams in months, and he'd missed her.

"It's Captain Beckett to you," she corrected abruptly.

"I think we're a bit past formalities," he offered, taking another step forward.

"Why are you here?"

He offered his most charming smile. "It's nice to see you too."

She huffed a sigh. The man was impossibly irritating. "What do you want?"

"Maybe I just wanted to see you," Castle answered, and despite her efforts to be annoyed at him, Kate couldn't deny that he sounded sincere. Then again, fake personas seemed to be his forte.

"I'm at work, Mr. Castle," she scolded. "You can't just stop by unannounced. How did you even get in?"

"Ah," he smiled unashamedly. "Front desk clerk is a fan."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Of course he is," she muttered under her breath.

"Not the only one in the building, if I recall correctly," Castle continued smugly.

"I'm sorry?"

He sank into one of the chairs in front of her desk, appearing completely comfortable and at ease. "You asked me how I killed Derrick Storm. And you admitted that I signed one of your books. That makes you a fan, Captain Beckett."

She narrowed her eyes. The man was exceedingly arrogant. And perhaps that worked in the celebrity side of life, but she wasn't about to put up with it here.

"You still haven't answered my question," she deflected.

Castle leaned back in the chair, crossed his left ankle over his right thigh. "I ran out of surprises," he answered. "Writing Derrick was boring. I always knew what was coming next and..."

"Not that question," she interrupted. "Why are you here?"

"I told you, I wanted to see you."

"Right, but you've neglected to mention why exactly it is that you _had_ to see me so desperately that you charmed the desk clerk into letting you into my precinct."

"I wanted to see how you were doing," he answered.

She raised an eyebrow. "How _I_ _'_ _m_ doing? Shouldn't I be asking _you_ that?"

"I'm getting better, thanks for asking," he answered, though he assumed her question had been rhetorical. "But you were shot at too that day," he continued. "You can't just brush it off like it never happened and move on with your life."

"Sure I can. I'm a cop."

"But…"

"I don't have time to get all emotional every time someone points a gun at me."

"So you're not bothered that someone tried to kill you?"

"No," Kate reiterated. "Not that it's any of your business."

"You really don't like me, do you?" Castle noted.

"Well, you're here unannounced and you're preventing me from doing my work, so no, you're not winning yourself a lot of points right now." She flapped her arms in the direction of her office door. "But I answered your question, so…"

"I have more than one question."

She sighed, didn't even bother to hide the roll of her eyes. "Of course you do."

"I've been a bit blocked recently with my writing," Castle began. "Of course, you know this, being a fan and all."

"Mr. Castle…"

He held up his hands in placation. "I've had a lot of downtime while I recovered. And I've actually been able to write again."

"And you're telling me this because…?"

"Because I've been writing about what happened. About that case we were working when I got shot."

" _We_ were not working a case, Mr. Castle."

"Details." He brushed her off. "My point is, it inspired me. _You_ inspired me."

"I'm sorry?" Kate asked abruptly,

"I've been working on a new character," Castle continued excitedly. "She's a cop, a homicide detective who's well on her way to becoming the youngest police captain in the NYPD."

Ugh. She'd thought he was kidding when he'd mentioned all those months ago that he was planning to base a character on her. She'd figured it was a phase, that it would pass once he stopped obsessing about that missing artifact. She'd figured he'd go back to his life of public appearances and affairs and outrageous escapades and forget all about her.

Apparently that was where she'd gone wrong.

Kate saw a smile upturn the corners of Castle's mouth as he continued to speak. Clearly he was enjoying this far too much – bothering her at work, sitting in her office chatting like they were old buddies. This wouldn't do. He needed to go.

"She's witty and brilliant and sexy and…"

"What's your point?" she interrupted, annoyance growing with every second in his presence.

"She's based on you."

Silence fell, awkward and tense. He was clearly expecting a response from her, but words were suddenly elusive. "I, uh, I'm…flattered?" she managed eventually.

"You should be. Not many people are interesting enough to write a book about."

"I'm a police captain, Mr. Castle. I assure you I'm not all that exciting either."

"Oh, but you are," Castle assured her. "I'm like a drug-sniffing dog, only for stories. I'm trained to recognize one when I see it."

"If you were a dog, wouldn't you have to smell it?" Kate shot back sarcastically.

"Okay, it's not a perfect metaphor."

"Technically it was a simile."

"Are you always this irritating?" he huffed.

"Only when people show up in my office for no apparent reason and waste my time with their incessant babbling."

"Fair enough, one more question and then I'll go."

"Why do I have a feeling I'm not gonna like this?" she mumbled loudly enough for him to hear.

"For a story to be authentic, I have to do research," Castle began. "I have to immerse myself into the life I'm writing about. Learn the details, the minutiae, the little things that make a story unique."

Oh no. Not this again.

No, no, no, no, no.

He couldn't possibly mean what it sounded like he meant.

"So I was hoping I could hang around here for a few weeks. You know, get the feel of what it's like to be a homicide detective. A day in the life, if you will."

Apparently he did.

"Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"Mr. Castle, maybe you're used to using your fame and charm to get your way in your rich little celebrity world, but that's not going to work here. I work for a living, and that makes you one of two things: either the guy who makes my life easier or the guy who makes my life harder. Right now, you're the latter."

"What if I promise not to get in your way?" he asked.

"You've done nothing but get in my way since you first showed up at my precinct knowing things you shouldn't have known."

Castle stood angrily. "If you'll recall, me getting in the way saved your life."

Kate rose as well, arms folded sternly across her chest. "Which you shouldn't have done."

"Well it's a little late now," he snapped. "And you could be a bit more grateful."

"I am," she hissed. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you waltz into my precinct for the sake of your supposed research."

"Why are you so determined to push me away?"

"Why are you so determined to stick your nose into my life?"

"Because I think you're remarkable," he answered genuinely, the fight draining from his eyes. "And I want the world to know your story."

Kate hesitated, the words stuck in her throat, a jumbled mess of syllables all trying to escape at once. He hardly knew her. There was no way he could actually think such things about her. This was clearly just him pulling some sort of stunt to charm her into letting him hang around the precinct.

And yet, he seemed genuine. In fact, the little voice in the back of her head couldn't deny that despite his annoying chattiness, he'd been surprisingly candid and earnest since he'd arrived.

"Look, I'm glad you're writing again," she answered truthfully. "And I'm glad I could serve as inspiration, apparently. But there really isn't a story to tell here."

"There's always a story," he answered. "Some are plain and boring. But some are delicate and intricate and deserve to be told. And your story...it's one of them."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	3. Chapter 2

_Just to clarify: this is the AU Kate and the AU Castle, who is now recovered from the two bullets he took to the chest. For the sake of this fic, we have to ignore the canon universe; this is meant to explore the AU only._

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

Kate was stunned. If someone had told her Richard Castle would show up in her office claiming that she'd inspired him to start writing again, she'd have had them committed. And yet here he was, saying exactly that.

He was basing a character on her.

She wasn't sure whether to be flattered or annoyed. Sure, it was nice to know she'd managed to inspire her favorite author in what little time they'd spent together. But the fact that he was using it as an excuse to bother her at work and attempt to insinuate himself into her life?

Annoying.

And yet, despite the emphatic voices in her head, she could already feel her resolve crumbling. Underneath the obnoxious exterior, she could see glimpses of a kind, genuine man who, as far as she could tell, thought very highly of her. Not to mention the fact that he'd been her favorite author for years. His Derrick Storm series had been her lifeline after losing her mother to violence and then her father to the bottle. She'd devoured the entire series one by one after finding the first few novels among her mom's possessions. For months, she would lose herself in the mysteries woven into the beautiful prose as Derrick fought for justice. At least in the fictional world, the killer was always caught and punished.

It had given her hope that someday she'd be able to say the same about the real world.

She'd even gone to one of his book signings, waiting in line for hours to meet him and have him sign her book. He'd greeted her, asked for her name, and wrote what was probably a generic sentence on the inside cover page of _Unholy Storm_. But his words had given her the strength she'd needed to keep moving forward even as her world felt as though it was crumbling around her.

But then the Storm series ended and none succeeded it. There was one book a couple of years later, something vastly different from his successful string of murder mysteries. And wildly unsuccessful. She'd read half of it before giving up, closing the book along with the phase of her life in which she'd clung to Richard Castle's words. Besides, she'd learned long ago that justice for her mother was out of her reach, and she'd worked hard to accept that.

Instead, she'd put everything she had into the job, into rising rapidly through the ranks to homicide and, recently, captain of the Twelfth Precinct. If she couldn't find justice for herself, at least she could devote her life to finding it for others.

But that was all tangential to her current issue, which was the man himself who was still standing in her office, earnestness radiating from his piercing blue eyes. The man whose words held a place in her heart from long ago.

The man who, just three months earlier, had told her he loved her as he lay dying on a warehouse floor, two bullets meant for her lodged in his chest. He hadn't tried to mention those three words today, thankfully, and she'd managed to dodge them when he'd first woken in the hospital, too. She'd spent most of the last three months telling herself that he hadn't really meant them. That he'd only said it because he thought he was dying.

And yet the look in his eyes now told an entirely different story. One she wasn't sure she was ready to be a part of.

But before she could stop herself, her mouth was betraying her, speaking words that were the exact opposite of what she intended to say.

"What exactly does this research entail?"

"You know, listening in while you guys theorize and interview witnesses, maybe tagging along occasionally to a crime scene or…"

"You're not allowed at crime scenes, Mr. Castle. You're a civilian."

"But…"

"No." She unfolded her arms, gestured towards the bullpen. "You can hang around here at the precinct. But no crime scenes. And you _will_ stay out of our way. It's listen and observe only."

"Participate and annoy is a lot more fun, but okay," he conceded.

He could work with that. He'd found his way in, and for now that was enough.

* * *

"What do you think's going on in there?" Esposito asked his partner, poking his head out the door of the room next to the captain's office.

"A staring contest, by the looks of it," Ryan joked.

"Why's he here, anyway?"

"Why do you think?" Ryan asked. "He obviously likes her."

Espo shrugged. "Can't say I blame the guy for trying, but does he realize it's a lost cause?"

It was Ryan's turn to shrug. "I dunno, he seems to have gotten her all flustered. Maybe he's not the only one with some feelings going on."

Esposito snorted, rolled his eyes at his partner. "Please. Beckett and Castle? That's never gonna happen."

Castle appeared from her office then, followed by Beckett herself, and Ryan and Esposito hastily dashed back into the room, pressing play on the security footage from their current case.

Kate appeared in the doorway only moments later.

"Captain," Espo greeted.

She narrowed her eyes as though sensing that something wasn't right, but eventually decided to let it go. "Anything?"

"Nothing yet, just combing through footage from the ATM cam across the street," Ryan answered.

"Well let me know if you find anything."

"Of course."

"In the meantime, you remember Mr. Castle." Kate gestured to the man next to her. "He needs to do some research, _apparently_ ," she added in an irritated tone, "so he'll be spending some time at the precinct for the next few weeks."

Castle raised his hand in greeting, a pleased smile on his face. Ryan and Espo nodded in return.

"Stay out of their way," Kate reminded him before exiting the room and striding back to her office.

"Hey, so what're you guys working on?" Castle asked, crossing the room to stand next to Ryan and Espo in front of the large screen, eager eyes searching the room, taking everything in.

"Reviewing some footage," Ryan answered.

"Bro, what are you _doing_ here?" Esposito asked.

"Like Beckett said, just doing some research, making sure I get the details right for my next book."

"Haven't you written enough books to know how this works?"

He shrugged. "I know the basics, but it's the details that really make the story."

"Right," Ryan drawled with a raised eyebrow. "The details. That's why you're here."

Castle frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The detective turned back to the screen with a smug smile. "Nothing. Oh wait, go back." He shifted his attention to his partner. "Is that our guy?"

Esposito rewound the tape, slowed it down and replayed the segment.

"There," Ryan pointed to a man making his way down the sidewalk, dressed in a black jacket with the hood pulled tightly around his head. "That guy."

Espo cocked his head. "About six foot, muscular. Yeah, he meets our description."

"That's the killer?" Castle asked excitedly.

"Well we'll need a better angle on him to be sure," Ryan answered.

But the man remained facing firmly forward before turning the corner and disappearing down an alley and into the shadows. They watched for another few minutes but the mystery man never reemerged.

Esposito paused the tape. "Damn."

"I'll check with Tory," Ryan offered. "See if we can find cameras on the other end of the alley. He had to come out at some point."

"Alright, I'll keep watching, see if he reappears," Esposito agreed.

The author stepped aside to allow Ryan to pass before claiming a spot next to Esposito. The cop turned to look at him, eyes narrowed.

Castle took a quick step back, thumbed over his shoulder. "I'll just, uh, go help Ryan."

He hastened from the room, jogged to catch up to Ryan just as he disappeared into a room full of computer equipment. Clearly, Esposito still hadn't warmed up to him, but Castle wasn't overly worried. He'd get through to him at some point.

After all, he'd convinced Kate to let him hang around.

Now he just had to convince her that he was here for more than research.

* * *

"So, I hear you have a shadow."

"What?"

"A certain writer," Lanie clarified, tucking her leg underneath herself as she settled back on the plush sofa. "He showed up at the morgue the other day with Ryan and spent the entire time asking questions and sticking his nose into everything."

"Sounds about right," Kate agreed with a roll of her eyes. The man had an insatiable need to know everything. And to touch things. It was endlessly irritating.

"So he _is_ your shadow."

"He's just doing research, Lanie," Kate protested around a sip of wine.

"Mmhmm, which is why he said your name twelve times in the few minutes he was there."

Kate willed the heat to stop rising in her cheeks, but despite her best efforts she could feel herself blush. "I thought we were here to talk about you."

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing, Kate Beckett," Lanie scolded. "But this _once_ I'll let you off the hook."

Kate narrowed her eyes in disapproval before changing the subject. "How's motherhood?"

"Oh, it's fabulous," Lanie gushed with a smile. "Challenging, of course. But it's so amazing to watch her grow." She lifted her phone from the coffee table, scrolled through to an album filled with pictures of little Kiara. "Three and a half months yesterday," she said with a smile.

Kate took the phone, flipped through the assortment of pictures of Kiara sleeping, crying, making silly faces, big brown eyes looking at the camera in curiosity.

"She's adorable," the detective murmured.

Lanie hummed her agreement. "Jason took her out to his sister's place tonight. Gave me the night off."

"He's a sweetheart."

Lanie just smiled. The pregnancy hadn't been planned, per se; she and Jason had only been together for ten months at the time. But they'd both embraced parenthood to the fullest extent. And Jason was a good guy. Kate had always liked him.

"So how's being back at work?"

"Exhausting," the ME lamented. "But Jason's parents have been a big help, watching her most days."

"That's good." Kate reached out, rested a hand on he friend's arm. "I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks."

The conversation drifted after that as they caught up on all that had happened in the last three months. Between the holidays and Lanie's maternity leave, they hadn't seen much of each other recently.

Unfortunately for Kate, that meant that the conversation eventually drifted back to Castle.

"So why exactly is he doing research?" Lanie asked.

"For the book he's writing."

"I didn't think he was writing anymore."

Kate shrugged. "He wasn't, but apparently him getting shot was the inspiration he needed."

"He's writing about getting shot?"

"Not exactly," she hedged. "He just…needed some insight on police stuff."

"Mmhmm."

"Lanie."

"Come on, Kate, you really think he couldn't find that sort of research somewhere else?"

She shrugged. "Well, maybe he doesn't know any other detectives."

"Or maybe he has a crush on a certain female police captain."

Kate snorted. "Please. Castle doesn't do crushes. He's more of a one-night-stand kinda guy."

"And you're next on the list?"

"Lanie, that's not…" she trailed off with a huff. "He saved my life, I'm just letting him hang around to return the favor."

"Right," she drawled in disbelief. "A favor."

Kate grumbled. "Why does everyone insist that there's more to the story?"

"Because he clearly likes you."

"He just wants to sleep with me."

"So jump his bones. Heaven knows you could use a night of fun, and I'm sure the sex would be fantastic!"

"Lanie."

Her friend held up her arms in surrender. "I'm just sayin'."

"Yeah, well you can save your breath. I'm not about to be his next conquest."

"You say that now…"

Kate set her wine glass aside, rose. "It's late. I should go."

Lanie stood as well. "Sweetie, you know I'm just givin' you a hard time."

"I know." Kate sighed. "But it's been a long day, and I'm sure you're tired too."

She released an answering yawn.

Kate pulled her friend into a hug. "Thanks for dinner and the wine."

"Mmm, I'm glad we could do this," Lanie answered. "And Kate," she pulled back, "don't write him off just yet, okay? He might surprise you."

Kate raised a skeptical eyebrow. "I highly doubt it."

Besides, she wasn't even interested in him.

Was she?

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 3

_Now with cover art, thanks to Angie!_

 _Also, thank you so much to everyone who has read & reviewed so far. I always appreciate hearing your thoughts and feedback, so please keep sending them my way. I'm so glad there are so many of you out there still who are keeping this fandom alive!_

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

When Kate returned to the precinct the next afternoon following a morning of meetings, there was a small crowd gathered around the break room. At the center of the crowd stood Castle, two men she didn't recognize, and an oversized box.

Kate groaned. What was he up to now?

"Hey, Captain Beckett," Castle greeted eagerly as she appeared in the doorway. "I was just showing everyone the espresso machine I bought. Thought I'd give you guys something better than this stuff," he thumbed over his shoulder, "which tastes like monkey pee in battery acid."

She narrowed her eyes. She wasn't even going to ask how he knew what battery acid or monkey pee tasted like. No, the more pressing issue was the espresso machine.

"Alright, back to work," Kate announced to the crowd, flapping her hands toward the break room door and the people began to scatter. "And you," she whirled back around, "You're here for research, not as an interior designer."

"I wasn't…I just…consider it my way of saying thanks."

Right.

More like his way of saying _your coffee sucks but mine is so much better so let_ _'_ _s do it my way instead._

Castle turned to the two unfamiliar men, both of whom were donning delivery company shirts. One held a clipboard and the other a giant wheeled cart. "Set up is included, right, because I don't know how…" he motioned to the machine.

They nodded.

"Great," he enthused before turning back to Kate. "You're gonna love it. I promise."

Somehow she doubted that.

* * *

The bullpen was dark, deserted. The sun had long since set over Manhattan, the city now bathed in a dizzying kaleidoscope of moonlight, headlights, and neon. But from her office window, Kate could see none of it.

She sighed, dropped her head into her hands. It was late and she should really head out, but she wasn't particularly looking forward to going home to a cold, empty apartment.

With another sigh, Kate reached for her coffee mug, found it empty.

Crap.

She really should leave.

On the other hand…

Kate peered through the slats in the blinds, found the bullpen empty save for a couple of officers in the far corner filing paperwork. Making a snap decision, she grabbed her mug and made her way to the break room, careful to make sure that no one saw her.

The espresso machine was obscenely fancy and needlessly complex. Of course. She squinted her eyes, reading the labels for each of the buttons and trying to figure out where to start. Eventually she was able to make some sense of it, reached for a mug and set it beneath the spigot. She pressed the 'espresso' button and watched with a small smile as the hot liquid flowed into the cup, swirling against the porcelain as steam twirled into the air. Foamy and delicious.

The automatic flow turned off and Kate was just reaching for the cup when a voice spoke from behind her.

"Hi."

Her hand jerked in surprise, causing the coffee to spill into the overflow area. And all over her hand.

"Ow, ow, hot," she hissed, reaching for a napkin to wipe away the liquid and then crossing to the sink to grab a stack of paper towels.

"You okay?" Castle asked, hastening after her.

"Fine," Kate answered sharply. "What are you doing here?"

"Saving you from third degree burns, from the looks of it."

She bit back a terse reply, busied herself with wiping up the spilled coffee.

Stupid machine.

"Here, let me," Castle offered, stepping in and taking over without waiting for her acquiescence. He moved as though using the espresso machine was second nature. Then again, it probably was. He probably had one at his house. It certainly fit his apparent penchant for excess.

Kate finished wiping up the spill, threw away the paper towels, and turned around to find Castle extending a freshly brewed cup of espresso in her direction. "Here you are."

Reluctantly, she allowed him to pass it over. "Thanks."

He offered a small smile in return. "Always happy to assist the city's finest with their caffeine needs."

Kate suppressed a groan.

"This um, female detective of yours," she began, "exactly how much will she be based on me?"

"Well, she's not too bright and kinda slutty," the author answered without missing a beat.

"Castle."

"I had to."

She folded her free arm across her chest, tucking her hand beneath her other arm that still held her coffee. Annoying jackass.

"Honestly, you're not gonna have anything to be embarrassed about," Castle assured her, busying himself with retrieving a mug for himself, dispensing another shot of espresso. "She's gonna be really smart. Very savvy. Haunting good looks. Really good at her job."

Much to her disdain, Kate found herself suppressing a smile.

"And kinda slutty."

And there it went.

"Castle."

"Kidding."

At least he hadn't mentioned the fact that he'd caught her trying to use the espresso machine. Small favors, she supposed.

"Kidding." Castle repeated. "She's is a good, strong character. You're gonna love her. Kinda like the reporter that's following her around for research and ends up falling for her."

Her head snapped up. "What?"

He offered a pleased smile around a drink of coffee. "You know, the fictional version of me."

Oh no.

No no no no no.

He was _not_ writing a book about both of them.

"Let me get this straight," she began deliberately. "This book you're writing is about the fictional version of you hanging around with the fictional version of me for research?"

He grinned around the rim of his NYPD coffee mug. "Isn't it great?"

"And fictional you falls in love with fictional me?"

"Smart, savvy, sexy detective? How can Rook not fall in love with her?"

Kate raised an eyebrow, disapproval growing as the conversation progressed. "Rook?"

"Jameson Rook," he confirmed. "The reporter."

"Rook. Like the chess piece? The one that's shaped like a castle?"

"You catch on quick."

"Because it's a terribly egotistical name."

"Some might call it creative."

"I cringe to know what the fictional version of me is named."

"Ah." Castle nodded but didn't offer more.

Oh no.

"What?"

He shrugged, indulged in a long sip of espresso. "Nothing."

"Castle."

"Her name's Nikki," he responded.

Kate took a step forward. "Nikki what?"

"I…haven't decided yet," Castle answered, far too timidly to be telling the truth.

She narrowed her eyes.

"Heat…?"

Her coffee mug hit the counter with a clunk, the top layer of the hot, dark liquid sloshing over the edge. "Nikki Heat? What the hell kind of a name is that?"

"A catchy one," Castle defended.

Kate crossed her other arm across her chest, linking them together in anger. "It's a stripper name."

"Well, I told you she was kinda slutty."

"Change it, Castle."

"Wait, wait, hold on," he held up a hand, "think about the titles. _Summer Heat. Heat Wave. In Heat._ "

"Change the name."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Castle."

"I have artistic integrity to uphold."

"Artistic integrity?" she advanced and he took a step back, found himself backed into the counter. "Change the name, Castle."

"No." He held firm.

"Castle."

From over Kate's shoulder, a throat cleared, and she jerked in surprise, turned to find a rather amused L.T. watching them.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked.

"No."

"Yes."

She whirled around, leveled the author with a glare. "Castle."

God. He never ceased to irritate her.

Kate huffed a frustrated sigh, grabbed what remained of her espresso, and stalked out of the room.

Clearly, she wasn't going to win this one.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

He obviously wasn't going to get any more out of Beckett tonight, which left Castle no option but to return home to the party his mother was throwing in the loft. The recent revival of _Mame_ was a huge success; glowing reviews, sold-out audiences, and rumors of a potential Tony nomination for Martha's portrayal of the title character. And in true Martha Rodgers fashion, the cast was now celebrating with an exuberant, alcohol-filled gathering.

As Castle walked into the loft, he was met with a wall of noise, the piano playing in accompaniment as the entire group belted out a rather drunken rendition of one of the performance numbers. There were platters upon platters of food, empty cups and bottles strewn everywhere, and his office appeared to have been turned into the dessert room.

He shed his coat with an unhappy sigh. He really needed to get his own place. But to accomplish that, he needed Nikki Heat to be a smashing success.

Castle had a good feeling about her. She was tough yet sexy, intelligent and witty. Likeable. A multi-faceted woman that many people could relate to. He was rather fond of Rook as well. After all, ruggedly handsome and charming was an unstoppable combination.

But if Nikki was truly going to be a success, he had to get it right. He had to get _her_ right.

And the only way to accomplish that was to learn as much as he possibly could about her inspiration.

"Oh, darling, I'm so glad you could make it." Martha swooped into the foyer, interrupting his thoughts with her bright, patterned, flowy sleeves hanging down from each outstretched arm. She wrapped her son in a hug, somehow managing to avoid spilling her drink down his back.

"Quite the party," Castle observed somewhat sarcastically.

"Well, there was cause for celebration, and you know my rule," she recited. "If you're going to do something, you might as well go all out."

"Is that the explanation for your dress?" he asked. The fabric was a swirling collage of just about every color he'd ever seen, loud and bright and eye-catching, though maybe not in the good way.

"Ha ha," she enunciated. "Now come," Martha's hand on his back guided him forward, into the throngs of actors and their significant others. "Join the festivities."

Castle obligingly followed his mother to the kitchen, where she promptly plied him with a drink. "Oh and," the actress lowered her voice, leaned in close, "there's a young woman you simply _have_ to meet."

His mother's matchmaking skills were subpar at best, and though Castle would usually indulge, he didn't particularly feel like humoring her tonight.

Tonight, there was another woman on his mind.

* * *

When Kate arrived at the precinct early the next morning, the last person she wanted to see was already there waiting for her.

With coffee.

"Grande skim latte, two pumps sugar free vanilla," he said by way of greeting, extending the cup to her.

"I, uh…" How did he know her coffee order? "Thanks," she managed grudgingly, taking the cup from his outstretched hand. This was the second time she'd had to thank him for coffee in less than twenty-four hours.

Castle waited while she opened the doors to her office, followed her inside.

Kate took her time in removing her jacket, lifting a stack of files from her bag before stashing it away in one of her desk drawers. When she sank into her seat, Castle was still standing there.

"What're you doing here so early?"

"Ah. I was hoping I could get some insight."

She opened her laptop, pressed the power button to boot it up. "Insight?"

"You know, for research," he clarified.

"Mmmm," she answered non-committally. Kate lifted the coffee to her lips, took a sip and relished the feel of the warm beverage sliding down her throat.

Oh, that was good _._ _Really_ good.

"So," Castle prompted, helping himself to a chair in front of her desk. He sat back and crossed one ankle over the opposite thigh. "Can I?"

"Can you what?"

"Get some insight."

Kate busied herself with logging into her email. "On what?"

"You."

Her head snapped up. "Me?"

"You know, how you got to be captain, what it was like before you made detective. What it's like out on the streets."

"I, uh…" she hesitated. Why exactly had she given him permission to hang around? Kate gestured to the bullpen. "Can't you ask someone else?"

"I could, but I'm not writing a book about someone else," he answered easily.

Ugh. This man.

Maybe if she went about this a different way. "You do realize I have work to do."

Castle shrugged. "I'll hang around and watch, get a feel for what you do."

"Paperwork, Mr. Castle," Kate answered sharply. "I do paperwork. And I deal with a lot of political crap."

"That's it?"

She opened a folder on her desk, flipped through a few sheets of paper before apparently finding the one she wanted. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Do you ever go out in the field?"

Kate took a moment to scroll through a file on her computer, enter information from the piece of paper into what was probably a report of some sort. "Not much."

"But you do sometimes."

"If we're shorthanded," she answered breezily. "Or if it's a big case."

"You mean someone famous?" Castle asked, setting his coffee on the edge of her desk and extracting a small pad of paper and a pen from his pocket. "Or a serial killer?"

Her eyes followed his movements but her head didn't lift. He was taking notes? Kate rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Depends on the circumstances."

"What about when you were a detective?"

She continued to scroll through the file, pausing periodically to consult the papers on her desk and then type a few keystrokes at a time.

"Duh."

"So if Nikki Heat were assigned to a case, say the murder of a real estate mogul," he began, pen poised above the paper, "what would be her first move?"

"Exactly what you've seen Ryan and Esposito do."

"I only see what happens here," Castle pointed out. "But what about at the crime scene? Do you take pictures? Interrogate witnesses? Examine things with a magnifying glass?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "A magnifying glass?"

He flapped his hand in dismissal. "Or whatever fancy equipment you guys have."

"We're cops, Castle, not the FBI. We don't have fancy equipment."

"Well then what do you have?"

Kate sighed, allowed the stack of paper she was leafing through to fall to the desktop with a whoosh. "Tell you what, next time there's a crime scene you can tag along with Ryan and Esposito."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

If it would get him out of her office now, she'd agree to just about anything. "Really."

"Yessss," he whispered excitedly, rising and hurrying from her office, catching his foot on the chair leg on the way.

Kate closed her eyes, forced herself to suppress any sort of response. The man was like a nine year old on a sugar rush.

He reappeared only moments later, more graceful this time as he poked his head around the doorframe.

Kate resolutely didn't look up.

"I just, uh," Castle motioned to her desk, "forgot my coffee."

"Ah." She nodded but didn't break her focus and Castle wisely retrieved his beverage in silence and returned to the bullpen, but not before he noticed the slight twitch of the captain's lips, almost as though she was fighting a smile.

On the outside, she'd made it fairly clear that she didn't like him.

But on the inside…Castle had a feeling he was slowly but surely wearing her down.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The weeks passed, Castle eagerly showing up at the precinct day in and day out, armed with his notebook, pen, and a seemingly endless array of terribly unhelpful insights into their cases. Usually something about alien abductions or rogue CIA agents. Nevertheless, he was spending more time with Ryan and Esposito now that Kate had given him permission to go to crime scenes, meaning he was spending less time in her office.

And she was absolutely okay with that. As far as she was concerned, the less time they spent together, the better.

Besides, Ryan was a huge fan of his mother's acting and, it seemed, of the man himself. The two had hit it off quite well. Esposito still hadn't entirely warmed up to him, but the barrier of ice between them seemed to be progressively thawing with each passing day.

Just as well, Kate thought to herself. Maybe he'd decide to base characters on the guys instead. Castle had been with them all week as they tracked down their latest killer; he had to have an entire notebook filled with research at this point.

And from the childlike excitement on his face, he was enjoying the hell out of it.

Unfortunately, Kate's reprieve was short lived. Later that evening, while Ryan and Esposito finished up the paperwork from their latest case, Castle found his way into Kate's office, taking up residence it what she'd (maddeningly) found herself thinking of as _his chair._

"Good evening, Captain," he greeted with a pleased grin, settling back into the chair and crossing his left ankle over his right leg. His pant leg pulled up slightly to reveal blue and orange argyle socks, and Kate shook her head.

"What?"

She raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Nice socks."

"Ah. They're my lucky socks."

"Were you hoping to get lucky today?" Kate asked, the words spilling out of her mouth.

Well. That wasn't what she'd meant to say.

"I wasn't, but if you'd like to help me out with that, I wouldn't say no," Castle answered smugly.

"In your dreams," she tossed back.

"Actually, in my dreams you're usually naked and…"

She fixed him with stern glare. "Castle."

"Sorry."

"What are you doing here?"

"You always seem so happy to see me," he lamented.

"Because you're always interrupting my work."

Castle folded his hands in his lap, busied himself with looking around her office. "Take your time."

Not entirely the response she'd been hoping for. But it didn't seem like she was going to get rid of him anytime soon, so Kate forced herself to ignore him, went back to her work.

"So, why Derrick Storm?"

She should've known Castle's silence wouldn't last.

"I'm sorry?"

"You work homicide all day. Why go home and read about it?" Castle asked, eyes wide with genuine curiosity.

Kate shrugged. She really didn't want to get into it. "Just liked the characters, I guess."

"You read other mystery novels too?"

"Some," she answered off-handedly. It wasn't untrue. She'd read others over the years, but only his books had she read and re-read more times than she could count.

"Ah," he answered.

Kate returned her focus to her paperwork but quickly became aware of piercing blue eyes still intently focused on her.

She lifted her head. "What?"

"Nothing."

She sighed, set her pen aside. "What, Castle?"

"I just sense that there's more to the story."

Of course he did. She should've known he wouldn't give up so easily. Kate hesitated. She could tell him some half-truth that he'd probably catch onto at some point, or she could just be honest, tell him the real reason, and move on. She didn't particularly feel like sharing, but she also didn't have the energy to concoct an elaborate lie.

"I told you a few months ago about a case I didn't solve," she began.

"I remember."

Her hand automatically lifted to the chain that hung around her neck, a beautiful ring in the center that rested between her breasts. Castle remembered it from before. She'd been holding it when she first mentioned this case; the two must be connected.

"It was my mother," Kate murmured.

Castle's heart clenched in his chest as his mind conjured up images of a younger Kate Beckett losing her mother to tragedy, her life flipped upside down and her entire world torn apart.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

"We were supposed to go to dinner, my mom, my dad, and me, and she was gonna meet us at the restaurant," Kate began in a low voice. She twirled the ring around in her fingers as she spoke. "But she never showed. Two hours later we went home and there was a detective waiting for us. Detective Raglan." She paused for a breath, gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. "They found her body. She had been stabbed."

"A robbery?"

Kate shook her head, brow furrowed. "No. She still had her money and purse and jewelry." She lifted her eyes, found Castle watching her intently, sadness clouding his eyes. "And it wasn't a sexual assault. They attributed it to gang violence. Random wayward event."

"Did they have any suspects?"

She shook her head, eyes dropping to her hands. "Nothing that ever panned out."

He deflated. "I'm sorry."

Kate fiddled with the ring, didn't reply.

"That was hers?" Castle asked after a moment. "The ring, I mean."

She nodded.

"And the watch?"

Kate took her time in tucking the ring back under her blouse, nestling it close to her heart. "My dad took her death hard," she answered eventually, and Castle's eyes followed hers down to the man's watch on her left wrist. "He's sober now. Eleven years."

Castle nodded, unsure of what else to say. He'd known there was a story but he never could have imagined this.

"My mom read your books," she continued after a long moment of silence. "She loved Derrick Storm."

It all fell into place then. Kate was probably in her thirties, and judging by how long her father had been sober, she couldn't have been much older than twenty when her mother was killed. A lively girl from a good family, living it up in college, preparing for a career in medicine, law, anything she wanted. And suddenly all of that torn away, her plans collapsing, her world spiraling into darkness, driving her to join the force in an effort to do what the other cops couldn't.

Find justice for her mother.

And Derrick Storm was her lifeline, something to make her feel closer to her mom again. Nothing would even heal the pain, the gaping hole in her life and her heart. But Castle hoped that his words had at least been able to ease the pain.

"Well your mom had excellent taste," Castle offered with a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood. "And I'm sure she was an extraordinary woman."

It worked. Kate smiled back, the corners of her mouth upturning slightly. "She was."

Kate stood then, began clearing off her desk, pens and papers and folders all stashed away into their rightful place. She shut down her computer, reached for her jacket.

"Thank you," Castle spoke after a moment, rising as well. "For telling me."

Kate offered a small nod in return as she fastened the last button on her jacket, reached for her bag. "Night, Castle."

He watched her walk away, the words lodged in his throat. By the time they found their way out, she was long gone.

"Night."

* * *

"Hey guys, I've got a question for you."

Ryan and Esposito spun around their chairs in unison, four eyes landing squarely upon Castle. Almost as though they were challenging him to speak.

It was Esposito who spoke first. "What?"

"A few months ago, Beckett mentioned that she wasn't able to solve the case that made her want to become a detective. Her mother's case, right?"

"Did she now?" Esposito asked, eyebrow raised in challenge.

"When exactly did this happen?" Ryan asked. He was having trouble believing his boss would have volunteered that kind of information about herself.

"When we were working that first case. We were at a bar and…"

"A bar?" Ryan interrupted.

"Really?" Esposito drawled. "You and Captain Beckett were 'at a bar working a case?'" He curled his fingers into air quotation marks as he spoke.

"It's what happened," Castle protested.

"Mmhmm."

"And she just let this little fact spill out?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Castle asked.

"In case you haven't noticed, Beckett's not really a sharer" Ryan clarified.

Castle raised his arms in surrender. "Well, she said it."

"Riiiight," Ryan drawled.

"Do you know anything about it?"

"Bro, why can't you just leave the captain alone?" Esposito asked.

"She has a story and I'm a novelist." Castle shrugged. "It's engrained. I have to know."

"What, you don't wanna know my story?" Ryan asked without missing a beat. "Just hers?"

"Yeah bro, you got some feelings for the captain?" Espo teased.

"No," he interrupted uselessly.

"Good luck with that," Ryan added.

"Captain doesn't really do the whole feelings thing."

"Guys, just," Castle interjected. "The case. What happened?"

"Why should we tell you?" Esposito asked.

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Look, I just wanna know," he pleaded. "Maybe I can help somehow."

Esposito whirled his chair back around to face his desk, re-immersed himself in the phone records he was combing through. "Yeah, well, maybe she doesn't want you to."

Castle turned. "Ryan?"

The cop shrugged. He liked Castle, and he was a fan of his mother's acting career as well. Besides, it seemed harmless enough. Seemed like he meant well. But he wasn't about to say it out loud.

"Sorry," Ryan answered, but not before giving Castle a subtle sideward tilt of the head. A silent 'meet me over there in a few minutes.'

Castle raised his hands in surrender, playing along with Ryan's charade as he made his way down the hall, around the corner to wait. "Fine."

Ryan appeared five minutes later, motioning for Castle to be silent as he led him down a back stairwell to the basement of the precinct.

"So, what's the deal with Esposito?" Castle asked once they were out of range of prying ears.

"What do you mean?"

"I get the feeling he doesn't like me."

Ryan shrugged. "I wouldn't take it personally."

"What, so he's like this with everyone?"

"Nah, I mean…" Ryan stopped outside a large, heavy door with an aged placard labeled 'Archives' on it. "He's just protective of the captain."

"Captain Beckett?" Castle asked in surprise, coming to a halt next to the cop.

"She's like the sister he never had," Ryan explained. "And you've been flirting with her since the moment you met her."

"I have not," the author protested.

Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, so maybe a little bit," he admitted sheepishly. "What, and Esposito doesn't like it?"

Ryan leaned into the door and it gave way beneath the pressure of his left shoulder. "Like I said, he's just looking out for her."

Castle's eyes widened in shock as they stepped into the old archives, conversation about Esposito completely forgotten. The room was filled with shelves upon shelves of boxes containing evidence, eyewitness accounts, everything related to the investigations of old cases. This place was so cool, and the novelist in him wanted nothing more than to poke around, reading up on as many as he could. This place would provide enough research for a lifetime's worth of books.

Ryan led him to the row all the way in the back, the shelves labeled 'Unsolved.' The cases were arranged alphabetically in the boxes and Ryan scanned the rows until he found the box labeled 'Be.' The file was near the front, a tan file folder filled with papers, photographs, everything ever collected from the investigation.

The cop held out the file, snatched it back just as Castle reached for it. "I was never here."

"Got it."

"I'm serious. You didn't get this from me."

Castle held up his hands. "Understood."

Ryan passed over the file, slipped the box back into its place, and stepped back.

After Ryan left, Castle made his way to a desk in the back corner. He switched on the light, placed the file on the desk.

Johanna Beckett, it read.

He opened the folder to reveal stacks of papers topped by a photograph of Johanna. She was a beautiful woman, he observed. Brown hair, blue eyes. Tall and slim and, if she was anything like her daughter, an accomplished professional.

He heard a noise in the distance, the squeak of hinges followed by a door clicking shut. He closed the folder and slipped it inside his jacket, switched off the desk light and made his way out of the archives. He shouldn't do this here.

He'd look it over at home instead, see what he could find, reach out to contacts he'd made over the years and see if they could help as well. He didn't know Kate Beckett very well, but he did know one thing with certainty.

She deserved answers.

And he was going to help her find them.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	7. Chapter 6

_There will be 3 updates this week instead of 2 since these next few chapters are short-ish. Thank you all for reading/reviewing/coming along on this adventure with me so far. As I said initially, some parts will be similar to canon but things will begin to diverge more as we make our way through. There will be 35-40 chapters to this fic, so we've got a long ways to go still._

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

"You're writing again?"

Castle nodded. "Almost done with chapter eighteen."

Alexis's eyes widened in surprise. Her father hadn't written more than a few pages in nearly three years. Not since _Finite Laughter_ received more than a few handfuls of scathing reviews to accompany its lack of sales. Not since he'd descended into a self-pitying life full of parties and women and a string of irresponsible financial decisions.

"Really?" She crossed around behind his desk, leaned in to read over his shoulder. "Nikki Heat? What kind of a name is that?"

"You sound just like Beckett."

Alexis straightened her spine. "Beckett? Who's Beckett?"

"Oh, just…"

"Wait, that cop? The one you were acting all crazy about a few months ago."

"Well…"

"The one that got you shot?"

"She didn't 'get me shot'…" he quoted.

"Seriously," Alexis interrupted angrily. "You're still in contact with her? After you almost died _because_ of her?"

"Alexis…"

"Wait," she squinted at the page again, skimming the lines of text in which Nikki and some guy named Rook were chasing a rogue suspect down an alley. "Nikki Heat is a cop too. Are you basing a character on her?"

"I…"

"This is ridiculous," Alexis shouted. "This woman almost gets you killed and you decide to write a book about her?" She shook her head, already emphatically striding out of the room. "You're unbelievable."

"Alexis…"

She whirled around, her long dark hair whipping after her. "No. Coming back here was clearly the wrong decision. I thought after almost dying, maybe you'd start making smarter decisions. But no. You're still the same reckless person you've always been. I'm going back to LA."

"Alexis…" He rose, hurried out of his office, but he was too late. She'd already flung the door of the loft shut with a bang.

* * *

"Hey, you okay?" Kate asked as Castle stepped up next to her at the murder board. He'd lacked signs of his usual happiness and enthusiasm all day. She hadn't caught him checking her out once (a habit about which he'd never been subtle), he'd been relatively quiet for the last few hours (which was _never_ the case), and the few theories he _had_ offered had been surprisingly lackluster and realistic (seriously, she was starting to get worried).

It was weird.

"Yeah, fine," he deflected.

Kate raised an eyebrow.

Castle deflated, leaned back against the edge of the desk behind them. "Alexis left."

"Your daughter?" Kate had only met the dark-haired young woman once, at the hospital all those months ago. They hadn't spoken beyond introductions, Alexis seeming weary of this strange woman and Kate not knowing what to say to the girl whose father had thrown himself in front of two bullets meant for her.

He nodded sadly. "She lives in LA. Doesn't visit much. We, uh, aren't very close." Castle shook his head, chin and eyes dipping towards the wooden floor. "I keep trying, but..." he trailed off, left the sentence hanging.

"I'm sorry," Kate offered when it became clear he didn't intend to elaborate. She debated saying more but found herself caught off-guard by this side of him. She knew from the media that he was twice-divorced and with quite the reputation, lived with his successful actress mother, and that he had a daughter, but she realized now that she didn't know anything about the girl. She'd also never before witnessed this fatherly side of Castle, and she found that observing his down-to-earth capacity for emotion was oddly refreshing, despite the clear sadness that he was feeling.

Castle shrugged it off, though, turned back to the board. "Any new leads?"

She shook her head, caught off-guard by the change of subject. But he was clearly done discussing the matter so she simply went along with it.

"Not so far. Ryan and Espo are talking to the vic's coworkers again but no one claims to have noticed anything unusual and there's not anything in his phones or financials either."

"Hmmm."

She pushed off the desk with the back of her legs, began making her way to her office. "Yeah."

Castle followed, stopping in the doorway and leaning a shoulder against it while she crossed to her desk chair. His gaze traced her every move, curiosity in his eyes.

"So, what would Nikki Heat do after a long, frustrating day on the case?" he asked after a moment.

"Go home and take a nice warm bath," she answered without hesitation. "Drink some wine, read a good book."

"Ah."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What?"

"Just envisioning Nikki in the bath with some wine. Maybe Rook can join her." His eyes lit up in excitement. "Oooh, what kind of wine? Something sweet and fragrant, I'd think. Maybe a…"

"Castle."

"What?" he asked innocently.

Damn him. She couldn't do this. His words had been her lifeline for years, and she'd be forever thankful that he'd unknowingly given her something to hang onto. But having the man himself around, prying into her life…

That was different.

His need to know was unrelenting and she knew it was only a matter of time before things got far too personal for her liking. Actually, things had already crossed that line. She'd already told him about Johanna.

"Look, I'm flattered that you're basing a character on me," she began. "But I'm not a celebrity, and I prefer my private life to be just that. Private."

Castle held up his hands in surrender. "I won't put anything personal in the book."

"You're right," she agreed. "Because I'm not telling you those things."

"Fine then," he relinquished. "Just one question."

Kate sighed, fixed him with a stern gaze. "What?"

He took up residence in _his_ chair, rested both hands in his lap. "Why did you become captain?"

"The previous captain moved up," she answered, gesturing to the wall behind her desk. A row of framed photographs lined the wall, ranging from oldest to newest, the first two on the far left in black and white, the others in color and growing newer as Castle's eyes traveled down the line. The most recent was of a black man with kind eyes and a mustache.

"Roy Montgomery?!" Castle voiced, half question, half exclamation.

"You know him?"

He nodded. "Met him a few times. Poker nights, events. He's good friends with the mayor and a couple local judges."

"Ah," Kate offered with a nod.

"Where'd he move up to?" the author inquired. He hadn't actually seen the man in a couple years.

"Commander at One PP."

"And then they appointed you captain?" Castle asked somewhat rhetorically.

She glanced around her office. "So it would appear."

"You must've been a fantastic detective."

Kate shrugged, not interested in his flattery. "I just did my job."

"Clearly you went above and beyond, or you wouldn't have become captain."

"What do you want from me, Castle?" Kate demanded more harshly than probably necessary, but she was rapidly becoming irritated by his incessant probing.

"I told you, I'm just here for the story," he defended. "I don't see why that's so upsetting."

"And I told you, I'm a private person."

"I've been respecting that."

Kate raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

Okay, so maybe he'd been a bit nosy thus far. He couldn't help himself; she was an intriguing woman. But he could make an effort to scale things back a bit.

"I'm just asking you to give me a chance," he requested, eyes serious as they bored into hers. "Please."

"Fine," she relented at last, was finding it difficult not to give in when he looked at her with such tenderness and enthusiasm. "But I swear to God, if anything from my personal life ends up in your books, I will kill you and make it look like an accident."

Castle swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Understood."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Hey."

Kate lifted her head to find Castle leaning against the doorframe of her office. She hadn't seen him in a few days. Something about business to attend to and working on final edits for Nikki Heat.

"Hey," she greeted, lips curving into something that almost resembled a smile. It'd been quiet around here without him, and she'd secretly found herself missing his bubbling enthusiasm. Annoying and intrusive though he could be, she'd also found herself laughing a lot more recently.

"Can I come in?"

She furrowed her brow in confusion. "Since when do you ask permission?"

Castle shrugged as he pushed off the doorframe and entered her office. He took a seat in his chair, waiting quietly as she finished up with the document she was working on.

Kate glanced up in concern at this calm, silent version of Castle who was sitting in front of her. "Is something wrong?"

He hesitated. "I just have something I want to show you."

"You mean the highly inappropriate cover art for your new book?" she asked, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. "In which Nikki's naked on the cover?"

"She's not naked," he defended. "She's holding a gun. Strategically."

"She's naked."

"Wait a second. Nikki Heat cover art is only available on my website." Castle gasped. "You subscribe to my website?"

"No," Kate answered quickly. Too quickly.

"Are you CastleFreak1212?" he asked. "CastleLover45? No wait, I bet you're IHeartCastle09."

"Yes, because I'm a fifteen year old girl," she deadpanned. "And this was strictly professional curiosity."

"Riiiiight," Castle answered.

"Well if you came here fishing for compliments on the cover art, you're wasting your time," Kate told him.

"Actually, that's not why I'm here."

"Oh?"

Castle could see her interest was waning. "I came here to tell you that I found something. Something important."

"Important how?"

"It's about a case."

"We're not working on a case," she reminded him. They'd closed it earlier in the afternoon. And even if they'd had an open case, he hadn't been around in days.

"It's an older case," Castle continued. "One that's unsolved."

Kate's confusion grew.

Castle took a deep breath, released it slowly. It was now or never.

"It's about your mother."

* * *

"Darling, whatever is the matter?" Martha cooed. She sashayed into his office on tiptoe, where Castle was sitting in front of his laptop looking extremely distraught.

"I talked to Beckett," he answered.

"Ah, yes." His mother nodded. She hadn't assumed that particular conversation would go well.

 _"_ _Richard, dear, what is this?" Martha asked. She'd finished rehearsal early_ _and arrived at the loft to find her son and a man she didn_ _'_ _t recognize sitting on the sofa surrounded by what appeared to be police files._

 _"_ _Ah, mother,_ _this is Dr. Clark Murray. He_ _'_ _s a forensic pathologist. He's just helping me with a case."_

 _The man rose as Martha extended her hand._ _"_ _Lovely to meet you, Dr. Murray."_

 _"_ _You as well._ _I was actually just leaving._ _"_ _The doctor_ _began packing up the various pages and photographs._ _"_ _Richard, I'll gi_ _ve you a call in a few days._ _"_

 _"_ _Thank you."_

 _He saw the man to the door, and when he returned to the living room, his mother fixed him with a stern glare. He knew that look. It was the one that meant that she wanted to know what was going on and she wasn_ _'_ _t_ _going to let it go until she had an answer._

 _"_ _So, they're trusting you with police files?" the actress asked. Though she hadn't reacted as severely as Alexis to the news that Castle was shadowing the captain, Martha remained skeptical as to_ _his reasons for this little escapade._

 _"_ _Not exactly," he hed_ _ged._

 _"_ _Richard?"_

 _He sighed._ _"_ _It's Beckett."_

 _"What about her_ _?"_

 _Castle nodded._ _"_ _Her mother was killed when she was in college."_

 _"_ _Oh, that's awful," Martha exclaimed. "That poor girl."_

 _He continued._ _"_ _Murdered in an all_ _ey. But they never caught the killer._ _"_

 _"_ _And n_ _ow you_ _'_ _ve decided to use your extensive law enforcement experience to solve the case?" his mother asked disapprovingly._

 _"_ _I'm not solving the case. More just poking around," Castle answered. "Reaching out to some peo_ _ple to see if I can find something that was missed before._ _"_

 _"_ _Does Beckett know that you're doing this?" she asked, though she assumed she already knew the answer._

 _"_ _Not exactly."_

 _"_ _And when she finds out?"_

 _Castle shrugged. He hadn_ _'_ _t thought that part through_ _. But he was pretty sure it wasn_ _'_ _t going to be a concern. "She won't."_

 _But then Doctor Murray had called a few days later to reveal some shocking news. The initial autopsy report wasn't entirely accurate. And the wounds didn't seem to indicate a random stabbing. There was skill involved. Whomever killed Johanna Beckett knew what they were doing and went out of their way to make it appear like it was a random thing._

 _"_ _You have to tell her," Martha informed her son._ _"_ _You can't keep something like this from her."_

 _"_ _She_ _'_ _s a private person," Castle countered. "If she finds_ _out_ _…"_ _He couldn't b_ _ring himself to finish the sentence. He didn_ _'_ _t want to know what she'd do. But_ _based on her previous protests about much less personal issues, he didn_ _'_ _t foresee this ending well._

 _"_ _You have to tell her,"_ _his mother reiterated._

 _He sighed, leaning against the window sill and staring out into the rain._

 _"_ _I know."_

* * *

"I can't believe him, Lanie," Kate ranted, pacing back and forth across the morgue, the click of her heeled boots echoing around the stainless steel room. "He dug into my mom's case. I knew he was nosy, but _this_?"

"Sweetie, I think you're overreacting a bit here."

"No, I'm not. I can't go down that road again," she yelled. "And he didn't even think to ask, he just went and...stole the file, apparently. He had no right."

"Maybe not," Lanie soothed. "But he was clearly just trying to help."

"Well he can save himself the trouble," she snapped harshly.

Silence fell and Kate eventually lifted her head to look at her friend. Lanie's eyes were filled with sadness and no small amount of shock.

"I'm sorry," Kate apologized. "I shouldn't have unloaded on you."

"You know that's what I'm here for," Lanie answered softly.

"I know but…look, I gotta get back to work."

"Kate," Lanie called.

She paused just in front of the double doors, turned. "What?"

"This is about more than just her case, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" she hedged.

"I haven't seen you get this angry about anything in a long time. Now what's really going on with you and Writer Boy?"

"Nothing, Lanie," Kate answered stubbornly. "I don't care if he doesn't have enough research. He's done shadowing me. He's out."

"Except that's not what you really want," Lanie stated, the pieces falling together in her mind now. "You're afraid of how much this hurt you because that means admitting that you actually care about him."

Kate whirled back around, pushed open the doors with far more force than necessary. "I have to get back."

And with that, she strode out into the hallway, rapidly putting as much distance between herself and her friend as possible.

She wasn't about to admit that Lanie was right.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The muggy summer air turned into the gentle heat of autumn, and as the days got shorter Kate found herself spending more and more time at the precinct. She tried to tell herself that it was entirely work related. Their caseload always picked up around Halloween.

But deep down, she couldn't suppress the knowledge that she was hiding, immersing herself in her work to avoid going home to an empty apartment. Again.

Her ex Tom Demming was married now. So was her high school friend Maddie. Will was engaged. Lanie had a kid. Her cousin Sophia had two.

And Kate was thirty-five and married to her job.

As much as she insisted that she preferred it this way, even she didn't believe that lie any more. She'd always been strong, independent, determined. Of the mind that she could take care of herself. That she didn't need a relationship, didn't have the time or patience to deal with the rollercoaster of feelings that came along with one.

But damn it if she didn't find herself wanting one.

* * *

Almost as though someone had known she was silently missing him, Kate's phone rang bright and early the very next morning. She'd answered it promptly, only to find herself in a conversation with a shrill woman who introduced herself as Paula, Castle's agent from Black Pawn.

Great.

The woman was looking to arrange a photo shoot and magazine interview to promote Castle's new book, and for the sake of authenticity, wanted it to take place at the Twelfth. Kate protested vigorously, of course, but soon found herself upstaged at Paula's mention of the Mayor and his friendship with Castle and his agreement that the NYPD could use all the good press they could get.

And so the following Monday, Kate found herself in her office with an empty coffee mug, debating how to sneak across the bullpen to the break room without Castle noticing. She huffed in annoyance. She shouldn't have to hide from anyone in her own precinct. But she was also in no mood to deal with his persistence, his explanations, his antics, or the fact that he looked _good_ today. _Really good._

The man in question was currently posing in a pinstripe suit and sunglasses, being indecently groped by two scantily clad women who were probably strippers. And enjoying the hell out of it, it would seem.

Couldn't he ever do anything quietly? Or at least without half-naked women?

Kate snorted to herself. Of course he couldn't. Obnoxiousness and womanizing seemed to be his two favorite pastimes. One of the many reasons, she reminded herself, that she was better off without him in her life.

Unfortunately for her, his third favorite pastime seemed to be bothering her, and it was only a matter of time before she found herself seated in the break room with Castle and an annoyingly chipper magazine reporter.

Fortunately for Kate, the interview was promptly interrupted by the ringing of her phone. There'd been a murder; the second one of the day. Ryan and Espo were already working the first murder and they were a bit short-handed today, meaning Beckett would need to head out to this new crime scene – for which the reporter insisted on tagging along.

Apparently she'd caught Castle's case of needing to stick her nose into everything for the sake of authenticity.

And so Kate found herself with both Castle and the reporter in her car, jabbering excitedly about the case and dead bodies and all of the "cool things detectives get to do." Most of which were, in fact, not things that typically happened.

Upon arrival at the crime scene, Castle and the reporter excitedly hopped out of the car and hurried to catch up to Beckett, who was already striding purposefully towards the apartment building with no intention of allowing either of her shadows to tag along. Her shadows, however, remained determined to follow her.

The reporter came to an abrupt halt the moment the body came into view, electing to observe from afar. Castle, however, rushed ahead, catching up to Kate just as she stepped up to the body.

Lanie had already begun her explanation. "…two bullet holes," the ME was saying. "Looks like a 9mm."

A uniform appeared then. "Her name is Lucy Stevens. Age 28. According to the super, this is her place."

"Any witnesses?"

The uniformed officer shook his head. "Not so far."

Kate paused to consider, began doling out responsibilities, and then strode over to speak with the super, leaving Castle to watch Lanie work.

"Hey," he offered.

"Huh uh," the ME replied instantly, shutting him down.

"What, you too?"

"She's my best friend and you went behind her back," Lanie answered without looking up. "What did you expect to happen?"

"I was just trying to help," he justified.

"Well maybe she didn't want your help. Maybe you should've just left it alone."

"What was I supposed to do? Not tell her what I found?" Castle asked.

This time, Lanie did look up. "What you found?"

"She didn't tell you?"

The ME shook her head.

"Four other people have been killed the exact same way as her mother," Castle began, squatting down next to her so he could keep his voice low. "Three of them were right around the same time. Other employees at the office where Johanna Beckett worked. And their murders were never solved."

"So you're saying it wasn't random?" Lanie asked.

He shook his head. "Doesn't seem like it."

"The ME at the time didn't make the connection?"

Castle shrugged. "If he did, he buried it."

"Did you talk to him?"

"He died nine years ago," Castle answered. "So you see why I had to tell her."

Lanie nodded. "What did Beckett say when you told her?"

"She cut me off before I could finish." Castle shook his head, ran a hand through his hair. "Told me she didn't want to hear it and practically shoved me out the door. I left the file with her, just in case, but she probably threw it away."

"Do you know why she didn't wanna know?" Lanie asked. Kate would kill her if she knew this conversation was happening. But Castle needed to understand.

"No."

"She's tried this before."

"To solve it, you mean?"

Lanie nodded. "Her first few years on the force, it was all she did. Weekends, evenings. She wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating. She was running herself into the ground." The ME paused to let this sink in. "I was there. I watched as it nearly destroyed her. Until she finally realized she had to let it go."

"She never looked into it again?" Castle asked.

"Can a recovering alcoholic have just one drink?"

"Shit."

He hadn't known. And it was bad enough that he'd opened up the case without her permission, but then he'd left her the file. The one thing that had the potential to open up that vortex and pull her in, and he'd handed it to her and walked away.

"Has she…" Castle asked.

"I don't know," Lanie answered. She was positive Kate hadn't thrown the file away. She knew her better than that.

She also knew her well enough to know that eventually, curiosity would get the best of her and she would look at it.

And if… no, _when_ … she went down that path again, she needed to have someone there with her to keep her from drowning. She needed someone who could keep her afloat, who could pull her away from the seriousness and remind her to have some fun from time to time. She needed someone who cared about her.

Someone who would have her back.

She knew Kate would protest vigorously, but Lanie knew exactly who that person should be.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"So, Writer Boy's back," Lanie drawled as her friend entered the morgue.

Kate rolled her eyes. She was already annoyed at having to interrupt her giant stack of paperwork to come all the way down here, but Ryan and Esposito were in New Jersey running down a lead and unis were finishing up with the crime scene and canvassing.

"Can we talk about something else?"

Lanie sighed. "As I suspected, she was shot once in the chest and once in the stomach with a 9mm. I was able to retrieve the bullets, ballistics is running them now."

Kate nodded. "Anything else?"

The ME picked up a ziploc bag containing a piece of paper and extended it in Kate's direction. "This was in the vic's pocket. Cab receipt dated the day she died."

Kate took her time examining the slip of paper. The black ink was faded from being in the young woman's pocket, the paper creased and wrinkled as though it'd been shoved there haphazardly.

"Alright, I'll talk to the taxi company, see if we can figure out where she might've been going."

"Anyone else you wanna talk to?" Lanie challenged.

"Lanie…"

"So you're really just gonna give him the silent treatment."

"I'm not…giving him the silent treatment," Kate protested, silently cursing Ryan and Esposito for gossiping. "I just don't have anything to say. He knows what he did was wrong."

"And maybe that's true, but he cares about you, Kate," Lanie told her friend. "Everyone can see that."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

Well, that was a lie if Lanie had ever heard one.

"Whaddya mean, maybe?"

"I just think you're reading too much into this," Kate hedged.

Lanie folded her arms across her chest. "And I think there's something you're not telling me."

"Lanie…"

"Did something happen?"

"No." Kate sighed. "Fine, yes. Sort of."

Lanie fixed her friend with a stern gaze.

"He, uh, might have mentioned his feelings for me." She gritted the words out.

"Today?"

Kate shook her head. "A while ago." At her friend's continued stare, she added, "The day he got shot."

"That was almost a year ago!" Lanie exclaimed.

Kate shrugged.

"What did you say?"

"I was a little more concerned with trying to save his life."

"Why do I get the feeling there's more to this story?"

Dammit, why did Lanie always have to be so observant?

"He, uh, might have told me he loved me."

Lanie's mouth fell open on a gasp. "He did? Kate…"

"It's not like he really meant it," the captain answered, cutting off her friend's surefire excitement. "He thought he was dying."

"Or you're scared to admit that he _did_ mean it."

"He'd known me for all of three days."

"So?"

"So he wasn't in love with me. For all I know, he thought he was talking to his mother or his daughter."

"You and I both know that wasn't the case."

"Lanie, can we just…" Kate huffed a sigh.

This conversation needed to stop. Now. She'd been doing an excellent job of suppressing her feelings and ignoring those three little words that he clearly hadn't meant, and she wasn't about to let everything come bubbling up to the surface. Not after what he'd done.

The ME held up her hands in surrender. "Fine. But I think you need to stop being so hard on the guy and give him a chance to explain."

"There's nothing to explain," Kate insisted. "He dug into my life without my permission."

"I admit, maybe he went about it the wrong way," Lanie conceded. "But his heart was in the right place."

"That doesn't make it okay."

Lanie sighed, shook her head. Clearly she wasn't going to win this one.

"Anything else on our vic?" Kate asked in a deliberate change of subject.

"Not yet. Tox results haven't come in. I'll let you know if anything pops during the autopsy."

"Alright, thanks Lane."

"Mmhmm," the ME answered. "If there's anything else you wanna talk about…"

"Unlikely," Kate tossed over her shoulder as she strode out of the morgue.

Castle was only here long enough to finish up this stupid magazine interview. That was it.

After that, he was going home.

* * *

Back at the precinct, the magazine reporter had _finally_ obtained all the information she needed, the half-naked women and camera crew had cleared out, and Castle had at least taken off his sunglasses.

He hadn't left, though. Not that Kate was surprised. If she'd learned anything about the man in the last year, it was that he was irritatingly relentless and stubborn.

"So, your first magazine article," Castle began.

Kate ignored him.

"This time next week, you'll be all over the newsstands of New York."

She turned to him, arms folded over her chest. "Has it occurred to you that maybe I don't want to be 'all over newsstands?'" she demanded, curling her fingers into air quotes before re-crossing her arms. "That maybe I just want to do my job and not have the whole world know about it?"

"Why not?" Castle asked. She was such an extraordinary woman. He couldn't understand why she didn't want her story to be told.

"You know, you seem to forget that I didn't ask you to write Nikki Heat."

"You could be a little more flattered that you inspired an entire character," Castle retorted.

Her eyes narrowed. "And you could have a little more respect for my privacy."

Castle sighed. "You're still mad at me." It wasn't a question.

"Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't be?"

"I was just trying to help," he protested.

"Yes, well, it wasn't something I needed help with," Kate replied. She turned back to her work, effectively dismissing him. "Now, we had a deal. You were here for the photo shoot only, and that's over."

"You know, I didn't come here to fight with you," Castle stated.

"Castle…"

"One more thing."

Kate whirled around. "What?" Her glare was icy and he took two hasty steps backwards. Clearly he'd pushed her to the limit.

"The book release party for _Heat Wave_ is in two weeks. There's food, an open bar. You, Ryan, Esposito, and Lanie are all invited."

He paused to see how she was taking his invitation. Her expression hadn't softened. Okay then.

"I'd really like it if you could be there."

And then he was gone.

* * *

She really shouldn't be doing this.

She shouldn't, and she knew it. It'd taken all she had to put this behind her, to accept that her mother's murder was destined to remain unsolved. She couldn't afford to go down that road again. Couldn't lose any more of her life to trying to solve the case.

Except...

Kate's eyes fell upon an unfamiliar piece of paper. She knew this file inside and out and this was something she'd never seen before. She extracted it from the pile, smoothed down the creased corners.

It was a document, hand-written in blue ink, the letters short and slanted. She skimmed the page, and from what she could gather, it was pathology related.

As her eyes flitted back and forth across the page, certain words jumped out at her.

Stabbing. Knife. Twisted. Fatal.

Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the breakthrough she'd always needed.

Kate read the document carefully, extracting the autopsy photos and inspecting them according to this new report. She could see so clearly now what the mysterious pathologist described.

One of the knife wounds was wider, deeper, and at an upward angle, as though the blade had been shoved in hard and twisted.

It almost looked familiar, and not because she'd looked over photos of her mother's crime scene so many times. No, Kate had seen this before. This exact method of killing. She still remembered the case clearly, because they'd screwed it up. They'd been dealing with a contract killer, and the man who hired him had cut a deal and walked away with full immunity.

Except the killer never showed and they'd never been able to track him down.

* * *

The next morning found Kate down in the archives digging out the case file of Jack Coonan, the victim of the case she'd worked nearly five years ago.

After comparing the pathology photos, she knew. Without a doubt. The man who killed Jack Coonan was the same man who murdered her mother.

Kate's head was spinning, her heart racing. This changed everything. If her mom was killed by a hired gun, that meant planning. Premeditation. Not a random act of violence.

And according to the report, her mother and Jack Coonan weren't the only ones. There were three other names listed.

A quick search turned up the other three cases and information about the victims. Two of them had worked at the same law office as her mother, and a third had been a document clerk down at the courthouse.

All three cases remained unsolved.

Kate left the precinct that evening with a stack of files.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	11. Chapter 10

_Thank you all for your continued support!_

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

"So, is _Beckett_ going to be there?" Alexis asked, emphasizing the captain's name with poorly-concealed disdain. Castle's daughter had arrived back in Manhattan the previous evening to attend the book release party, and was clearly still harboring annoyance towards her father and his connection to the cop.

"I invited her but," Castle shook his head, "she's still mad."

"Well, you did dig into her past without her permission," his daughter pointed out as she bent sideways to wriggle one foot into the strappy black heels she'd paired with her strapless magenta dress.

"I see you've been talking to Gram."

"What, you thought I wouldn't find out eventually?" Alexis asked, switching feet.

Castle sighed, focused on tying his tie. "I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal out of this. I was just trying to help."

"Right, in the same reckless way you do most things," his daughter mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"I just think that maybe you should've stayed out of it," Alexis amended, crossing her arms over her chest in that same defiant manner she'd adopted when she was just five years old. "What, taking a bullet for her wasn't enough? You had to stick your nose into her life too?"

"I couldn't _not_ tell her what I found," Castle pointed out. He was getting really sick of defending himself. Even his own family didn't have his back.

Alexis sighed, rolled her eyes. "Men and their excuses."

"It's not an excuse," Castle protested, arranging his tie down the front of his shirt.

His daughter turned to leave the room, long dark hair falling in ringlet curls down her back. "Well, it's not an apology, either."

* * *

An apology.

He was so stupid.

Kate hadn't wanted his help, and he could see now how he may have overstepped, especially after she'd made it so clear that she wasn't exactly thrilled about his consistent invasion of her privacy. He'd tried justifying it, tried defending his actions, but the truth was that he messed up.

He'd messed up and he'd never actually said he was sorry.

But he was. He still stood by his decision to tell her what he'd found. It was the right thing to do; he could never have kept it from her. But he _was_ sorry for the pain he'd caused her. Hurting her had never been his intention.

Castle glanced at his watch. The party started in three hours.

Perfect.

* * *

The bullpen was quiet. It was 5:30pm on a Friday and most everyone had already left. Kate could've left too. She'd finished her paperwork for the week. But the alternative was going home alone on a Friday night. Again.

She sighed in frustration. She'd never had a problem with being alone. Not until recently.

Not until Castle.

She silently cursed his name. She'd been doing just fine before he came waltzing into her precinct. She shook her head, as though she could jostle the thought out of her brain. He was gone now, just like she'd wanted. She really needed to get over it.

Almost as if on cue, a shadow fell over the room. Kate lifted her head, and there at the door was the man himself. He looked nice, in dress pants and a jacket over a deep red shirt. A rough layer of stubble painted his jaw and his hair was disheveled. It was sexy.

Kate suppressed that thought as quickly as it appeared. Sexy or not, he'd betrayed her.

"I'm sorry," he offered by way of greeting.

She blinked in confusion. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Castle repeated. "What I did was wrong. I opened up old wounds and I didn't respect your privacy. And I know you're mad at me and don't ever want to see me again, but I just want you to know that I'm really, truly sorry."

She didn't respond right away, surprise mingling with numerous other emotions and rendering her tongue useless. Kate could see the defeat in his eyes as the silence stretched, and he finally turned to walk away, completely deflated.

"Castle," she managed at last, voice weaker than normal.

He turned back to her, his expression sullen.

"See you tonight."

His answering smile made her heart flutter.

* * *

"It's Nikki Heat!"

The shouts rang out across the room and from all angles, camera bulbs started flashing. Castle turned toward the commotion and his jaw immediately dropped. There, walking down the red carpet (and looking moderately uncomfortable as she did so), was Kate Beckett. In a short, skin-tight, cleavage-baring blue dress.

She looked…wow.

Castle excused himself from his present conversation and began making his way through the crowded room, but found himself being continually interrupted: by his agent, the mayor, autograph-seeking fans. Ordinarily he would've relished all the attention, basked in it.

But right now, he really needed to talk to Beckett.

By the time Castle finally caught up to her, Kate was standing by the book display with one of his novels in her hand and a hard-to-decipher expression on her face.

He couldn't tell if she'd opened it yet. He hoped she hadn't. He wanted to be there when she read his words.

"Hi," he greeted.

Kate whirled around. "Hey."

"You look really nice."

She offered a glimpse of a smile. "Thanks."

"Kind of looks like something Nikki Heat would wear."

"Castle."

He shrugged innocently. Kate rolled her eyes, suppressed a smile.

Castle gestured to the book in her hand, opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it.

"I was just, uh," she stammered. "The dedication. Wow. Thank you."

"I meant it," he offered. "You are extraordinary."

Kate lifted her gaze, found his piercing blue eyes staring back at her, full of sincerity. She swallowed hard, averted her eyes. There was too much emotion there; it was written all over his face. Up until a couple hours ago, she'd been furious at him, and now he was looking at her like…

Kate shook her head, pushed the thought away. She wasn't going to go there.

"I should, uh…" she began, not sure what she planned to say. She returned the book to the shelf, took a couple steps back.

"Right," Castle agreed, sensing her discomfort. "I should go schmooze."

They awkwardly went their separate ways, things clearly not quite back to normal between them.

He didn't see her again for the rest of the night.

* * *

"So, Beckett made it to the party after all," Martha observed as they finally crossed the threshold of the loft. The party had continued until well after midnight, and initial reviews of _Heat Wave_ suggested it was going to be a smashing success.

Castle nodded.

"And what prompted this sudden change of heart?"

He discarded his jacket on the back of the sofa, busied himself with loosening his tie. "Actually, it was Alexis."

His daughter looked up in confusion. "What?"

"What you said earlier. That it wasn't an apology." He slipped the tie over his head, tossed it on top of his jacket. "You were right. It wasn't."

"Well, I'm glad it all worked out," Alexis answered, doing her best to be happy for her father. She still didn't approve of him gallivanting around pretending to be a cop. But she'd read the book and she had to admit, it was good. Nikki was good. A strong character that people could relate to.

Plus, he was writing again and he was happy. Like he used to be. And despite the fact that she'd moved to LA and made a life for herself, Alexis couldn't deny that she wanted her father back.

If Kate Beckett was the catalyst for this change, then she supposed the least she could do was to give the woman a chance.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"That's quite the love note from Writer Boy."

Kate whirled around to find Lanie standing in her office doorway, a folder in one hand and a knowing smirk on her face.

"Uh, hey, Lanie," Kate stammered. "I see you read _Heat Wave._ "

Lanie crossed to the chair in front of Kate's desk – Castle's chair – and sat down. "Girl, I think everyone in New York has read it by this point."

Kate sighed in frustration. She was happy for Castle. And she really had enjoyed the book. What she didn't enjoy was that anyone who read the book also likely read the dedication.

She was extremely touched by his words. They still made her heart pound every time she read them, because her favorite author thought she was extraordinary. And as much as she pretended not to like him, as deeply as he'd betrayed her trust, she _did_ like him. She liked him a lot. She'd given up trying to deny it, at least to herself.

"So have you jumped his bones yet?"

"Lanie," Kate hissed.

(Oh, she'd thought about it. She'd been thinking about it for longer than she cared to admit.)

"I'm just sayin'."

"Don't you have a report for me?"

"Don't you dare change the subject, Kate Beckett," Lanie scolded. "Not 'til you explain to me why you suddenly decided to show up at Castle's big party last night."

"How did you…?"

"Word gets around," the ME answered.

Kate sighed. "He apologized," she answered finally. "It was a last minute thing. Sorry, I should've called you."

"Girl, don't worry 'bout it," Lanie placated. "I'm just glad you two are on speaking terms again."

Despite her efforts to hide it, Kate's mouth twitched up into a small smile. There wasn't any point in trying to hide her feelings from her friend. Lanie already knew that Kate liked him. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

"It's a hit!"

Kate jerked her head up, startled, to find Castle standing in her office doorway. She hadn't even heard him approach.

She abruptly closed the file she was sifting through, shoved it into her desk drawer. "I'm sorry?"

" _Heat Wave_ ," he elaborated, though his gaze was distracted by the suddenness of her movements. "Everyone loves Nikki."

"Ah." Kate pushed her thoughts aside, forced herself to focus on the man standing before her. Nikki was based on her. She should probably at least feign enthusiasm. "That's great," she added, hoping she'd adequately infused her voice with excitement.

The author nodded. "Black Pawn offered me a deal. Three more books. And there's already talk of making _Heat Wave_ into a movie."

Wait. What?

"A movie? Wow!"

Castle nodded, making his way into her office and taking up residence in his chair.

"And three more Nikki Heat books?" Kate asked.

Castle grinned excitedly. Too excitedly.

It dawned on her a split second too late.

"Which means I'll need to keep shadowing you," he said eagerly. "For research, of course."

Yep, that's what she'd assumed was coming next.

"Don't you have enough research by now?" Kate asked. The man had been furiously taking notes for the better part of the last eight months. He had to have enough material at this point to write a hundred books.

"Well, I mean, I've gotten the idea of how things are done around here," Castle answered. "But the book still needs a plot. A case. And there's no predicting when inspiration might strike."

Well, that was a poorly concocted excuse if she'd ever heard one.

"I thought _I_ was your inspiration," Kate stated.

"Oh, you are, Captain, and in so many ways," he smirked with a suggestive raise of one eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes. The man was a never-ending supply of come-ons and innuendos.

But two could play at this game. "Yeah, well, your inspiration might _strike_ you sooner than you think."

* * *

"Bro, what the hell are you doing here?"

Castle whirled around as he exited Beckett's office, still reeling from her teasing comment and his inability to think up a suitable comeback. Words were his thing. And yet, the woman had a remarkable ability to render him unable to piece together a single sentence.

"Yeah, didn't the Captain kick you out?" Ryan asked.

"Well I _was_ here to talk to Beckett," Castle began. "But I think Ryan also needs my assistance with his choice of tie."

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead," Ryan muttered. He'd been taking crap for his tie all day, what were a few more teasing comments?

"It's from his girlfriend," Espo said smugly.

Castle perked up in interest. "Girlfriend?"

"So you're saying Beckett's not mad you're here?" Ryan asked, a not-at-all-subtle attempt at changing the subject.

"Nope."

Ryan and Espo shared a glance of disbelief but apparently decided against any type of verbal response.

Castle took advantage of their silence to nod at the book tucked beneath Ryan's arm. "What'd you guys think of your alter egos?"

"Haven't read it," Esposito answered without missing a beat. Figured. Castle knew he was protective of Beckett. And last these two knew, Beckett was still mad at him.

"I dunno, Raley seems a little feminine," Ryan answered, nose wrinkled in confusion. "Some of the things he says…"

Esposito snorted, an unsuccessful attempt to suppress a chuckle. Castle too struggled to keep a straight face.

"What?" the detective asked, clearly affronted.

"Nothing, Honeymilk." And with that, Esposito strode towards the break room, empty coffee cup in hand.

"Wait, Honeymilk?" Castle asked, stopping Ryan before he could follow his partner. "I thought you guys broke up a long time ago?"

"We did," Ryan answered. "But what you said all those months ago…" he trailed off. "Anyway, I called her. Asked her to give me another chance." He grinned, completely smitten, and Castle couldn't help but smile at the man's happiness. "We've been back together eleven months."

Castle clapped Ryan on the shoulder with a grin. "Congrats, man."

"Thanks," Ryan replied happily.

"Just, you know, next time you might wanna pick out your own tie."

The detective turned and stalked away.

* * *

"What do you think's going on with them?"

Ryan shrugged, busied himself with pouring a dollop of milk into his coffee.

"You really think she's not still mad?"

Esposito sat down at the table in the center of the break room, set his mug aside and began to absently flip through the copy of the day's newspaper.

"I dunno, bro. She was pretty upset."

Ryan nodded thoughtfully, wandered over to join his partner.

"Not like her to forgive so easily," Espo added as an afterthought.

"You don't think…?"

"Beckett and Castle?" Espo shook his head. "Nah. She's been trying to get rid of him since day one."

"Exactly," Ryan hypothesized. "Because he gets on her nerves. She normally doesn't let people get under her skin like that."

The Hispanic detective took a sip of coffee, glanced out into the bullpen. Beckett was contemplating the murder board, Castle right by her side. Closer than was probably professionally appropriate.

Ryan followed his partner's gaze. "I mean, it's obvious that he likes her. There's no way he's actually here for research."

Esposito nodded in agreement.

"And there's no way Captain doesn't know that," Ryan continued. "But she lets him stay."

"Huh," Esposito replied gruffly, returning to the newspaper.

"Wait, wait, hang on, go back."

"What?"

Ryan gestured to the newspaper. "Flip back a couple pages."

Esposito did as he was told.

Suddenly, his partner pointed at a story on the back side of the page. "There."

Espo flipped the paper around. And there, at the bottom of page 6, was the last thing he ever expected to see.

Kate Beckett in a tight blue dress standing next to a shelf full of books. About fifty copies of _Heat Wave,_ to be more precise. But what was far more interesting was the look in her eyes. Gone was the steely hardness they saw every day at the precinct. In its place was something softer, happier.

And looking back at her, with the same softness in his eyes, was Richard Castle.

* * *

 _Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you all! I'll be back with a new update after Christmas._


	13. Chapter 12

_A short chapter, but there will be one more update this week. I hope you all had a good holiday, and thank you for your continued support!_

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

"Hey, boss."

"Hey, guys," Kate greeted warily. Both men were standing just inside the doorway of her office with smiles on their faces. Ryan had a newspaper in his hand.

"Find something on our vic?"

"Not exactly," Espo hedged.

Kate sat back, folded her arms across her chest. "Then what?"

"We were just browsing through today's paper when a certain picture caught our eye," Ryan began.

Kate narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Picture of what?"

"Seems your shadow threw quite the party last night," Esposito observed.

Oh no.

Kate stood, made a lunge for the paper, but Ryan held it just out of her reach. "If he said anything…"

"He didn't," Espo assured her.

Her arms went back across her chest. "Then why are you here?"

"Just wanted to see if what the article says is true."

"What does it say?"

Two smirks.

"Guys." Kate lunged for the paper again. "Guys."

She finally managed to snag it from Ryan's grasp – he should've given it to Esposito, he's taller – and immediately found herself looking at a picture of herself.

And Castle.

Looking at each other like they were something that they most definitely were not.

 _Yet,_ her brain added defiantly.

Kate quashed the thought.

"Anything you'd like to share?" Ryan asked with a knowing grin.

"Guys, there's nothing going on between Castle and me."

"That," Ryan gestured to the photo, "is not nothing."

"And since when were you letting him hang around again?" Espo asked.

"He apologized, okay," she admitted, voice colored with irritation. Maybe if she just told the truth, these two would get out of her office.

"Fair enough," Esposito acknowledged.

"But see, here's what I don't get," Ryan continued, eyes dancing in mischief. "He finished the book, right?"

"Right, last night being a launch party and all..." Espo picked up where his partner left off.

"So if he's done writing..."

Kate huffed in annoyance.

"Either you missed him..." Ryan suggested with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Or..."

"Research," Kate interrupted. "They offered him a deal to write more Nikki Heat books. He's here for research."

"Research?" Esposito asked in mock astonishment. "The guy's done enough research to write fifty books. You really think that's why he wants to keep hangin' around?"

"Javi."

"I'm just sayin'."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Don't you guys have work to do?"

Esposito shrugged.

"Not really," Ryan offered, eyes still twinkling.

She fixed them with a pointed glare and they wisely backed out of her office. They'd had their fun. And they'd learned all that they needed to know.

* * *

"Richard, darling, you're home," Martha greeted exuberantly as Castle crossed the threshold.

"Hello, Mother." Castle stopped to discard his jacket. "Is Alexis here?"

"Out catching up with an old friend, I believe." His mother paused, glancing around the loft.

Castle followed her eyes, confused. "What?"

"Is your new girlfriend with you?"

"Girlfriend?"

"You know, Captain Beckett."

"She's not my girlfriend," he defended, confused.

Martha handed him a page of the newspaper, folded down so that the article about his book launch party was front and center. "Well then, you may have some explaining to do."

Castle's eyes skimmed the article, taking in the picture. And the reporter's suggestion that Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook's relationship may not be entirely fictional.

Crap. Beckett was going to kill him.

* * *

When someone pounded on the door to the loft a few hours later, Castle wasn't entirely surprised. He rose, crossed to the foyer to open the door.

Before he could even greet her, she was inside and rounding on him. "I'm gonna kill you."

At least he'd correctly anticipated her response.

"What do you mean?" Maybe playing coy would be the best way to go.

She shoved a copy of the newspaper at him. "You know _exactly_ what I mean."

Castle pretended to consider the photo. "It's a pretty good shot, don't you think? They got me on my good side. And you look good from both sides, of course," he added.

She shot him a withering glare.

"You know, that's a pretty short dress for a police captain."

At least they'd printed a photo of him looking at her face and not...well...the parts of her that weren't very well concealed by said short dress. Richard Castle was many things, but subtle wasn't one of them.

"Not the point," Kate replied through gritted teeth, sharply enunciating the 't's. He was enjoying this already, and that wouldn't do.

"It's just a picture," he offered.

"Yeah, in the New York Times gossip section," she snapped. "With someone suggesting that maybe page 105 is based on real events."

Okay, so that strategy wasn't any better.

"You know, there are a lot of women who would be happy to be linked to me," Castle pointed out.

Kate leveled him with another glare.

He tried a fourth tactic. "I'm sorry?"

"Do you have any idea what this does to my reputation?"

"Your reputation? What about mine?"

"Oh please," Kate huffed. "You're photographed with random women all the time."

"You're not just some random woman, Kate," Castle answered softly, and she felt the breath whoosh out of her lungs at the sound of his name on her tongue, spoken so tenderly that it made her stomach flutter. "I think you know that by now."

Well, that had taken a sudden turn.

"I…that's not…"

"Look, if it's upsetting you this much, I can turn down the deal," Castle offered. "I haven't signed it yet."

"You mean the Nikki Heat books?"

He nodded. He'd be sad if Nikki and Rook's story came to an end so quickly. But he could see now just how much this was costing her, having aspects of her life splashed into the public domain. As much as he enjoyed pushing her buttons, he didn't want to be the cause of her distress.

"No," she answered.

He _was_ her favorite author, after all (not that she'd ever admit it aloud). She couldn't ask him to stop writing on her behalf. Plus, _Heat Wave_ was a hit, which meant millions of people were waiting for the rest of Nikki's story. Including herself, though she wasn't about to admit that either.

"You should take the deal."

"I could stop hanging around the precinct, if that would make it easier."

She shook her head. What was the point of him continuing to write Nikki if he wasn't going to shadow her?

Kate smiled at him, couldn't help herself. "You can stay, Castle."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	14. Chapter 13

_As we start to dig deeper into things here, I need to once again say thank you to Alex for walking through this with me one step at a time and finding all of my gaping plot holes. This wouldn't have made very much sense without her help._

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

"She called me this morning."

"The detective?" a male voice asked.

"Kate Beckett," the first man confirmed. "Wants to meet with me."

"She's back on the case." It wasn't a question.

The man nodded even though no one could see him. "Seems to be."

"Do it."

"What?"

"Meet with her," the first voice commanded. "Lie. Throw her off the scent."

The man hesitated.

"A year from now, I'll be the most powerful person in the world," the voice boasted, a wicked smile spreading across his face. "Now go. Send her off in the wrong direction, and I promise I'll make it worth your while."

The man was dubious as he hung up the phone; he turned and stared out the window as a gust of wind swept up the block, swirling up a few dead leaves and scattering the pages of a discarded newspaper.

He didn't have a good feeling about this.

* * *

"So, what's this about?"

Kate took a sip of coffee, felt the burn as the hot liquid slid down her throat.

"A woman named Johanna Beckett," she answered, gaze unwavering as she spoke to the grey-haired man on the opposite side of the booth. The man gave no indication that he recognized the name. "She was murdered about seventeen years ago."

"Beckett, Beckett," he murmured, scratching his chin. "Can't say the name rings any bells."

"Really?" Kate challenged. "Because according to reports from the crime scene, you and your partner, John Raglan, were the responding officers."

"Doesn't sound familiar, but then we worked a lot of cases."

"This one was never really solved."

No reaction.

Kate reached into her pocket, extracted a photograph and placed it on the table in front of him. Maybe a picture would ring a few bells.

The man contemplated the photograph, and Kate could see as recognition dawned. She'd had a feeling it would eventually. He may have solved a lot of cases over the years, but Kate was a cop too. She knew the ones that went unsolved were the ones that were never forgotten.

He nodded slowly then, lifted the mug of coffee to his mouth to take a sip. "Lawyer, right?"

Kate nodded.

"Worked a few drug cases, if I recall. Helped with some big anti-drug campaign up in Washington Heights."

"You're familiar with it?" Kate asked, wrapping both hands securely around her coffee mug.

He shrugged. "Vaguely. I assume that's why she was in the area."

"She wasn't working the campaign that night," Kate corrected. "She was on her way to a restaurant."

"Well, you can't take on drugs without making a few enemies," the man defended. "Must've pissed off the wrong person and they finally caught up to her. Wasn't exactly a good neighborhood."

"Right," Kate drawled, not buying into his version of events at all. "Except her death wasn't as random as the case files make it seem. She was killed by someone who knew what they were doing. A pro."

Just as the man opened his mouth to reply, a gunshot rang out.

Glass shattered, shards flying in all directions.

Before Kate could react, the man slumped over and slid to the floor of the diner.

Acting on instinct, she drew her gun, ducked down behind the table. "Everybody on the ground now. Back away from the window. Away from the window."

She crawled over to the man next to her, found him struggling for breath, blood staining the front of his shirt. She fumbled for her radio, called for backup. As she looked back at the man, his eyes began to flicker closed, the last vestiges of life draining from his body.

"No," she whispered to herself, reached for a pile of napkins and pressed them over his chest in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. "No, no, no, no." But it was no use. He was already gone.

She picked up her radio again, jabbed at the transmit button and forced her voice to remain steady. "One Lincoln Forty. Please be advised, this is now a homicide."

* * *

By the time Ryan, Esposito, and Castle arrived, the diner was crawling with cops. Some were calming panicked employees and patrons, others taking witness statements. CSU was already on scene, leaving Kate standing there uselessly, silently furious about the fact that the most tangible connection to her mother's case was about to be carried from the building in a body bag.

"Beckett."

She turned to find a frantic-looking Castle staring at her, eyes wide, breathing heavy as though he'd run in here looking for her. He probably had.

"Are you okay?" His eyes lingered on the blood splattered across the front of her shirt.

"Fine," she answered, ignoring his concern. "It's not my blood."

"Vic's name was Gary McCallister," Ryan began as he approached his boss. "Sixty-seven. He…" The detective trailed off. "You're covered in blood."

"It's not mine," Beckett replied automatically.

Ryan flicked his eyes down to the puddle of blood that still stained the floor, back up to his boss with confusion. She didn't seem interested in elaborating, so he continued. "Anyway, former NYPD officer down at the 33rd. Put in his time and retired a few years back."

Kate nodded, as though all of this information was new to her. As though she didn't know who the man was, hadn't requested to meet with him. As though this was just another murder case.

She shook her head. What were the odds?

There had been just one bullet. From the hole in the window of the diner, she could tell it had come from a steep angle. Straight into McCallister's chest. Which most likely meant that this wasn't a random thing. McCallister had been the intended target.

Kate couldn't help but wonder at the timing of it all.

"Lucky you were here when it happened," Castle offered, as though he could read her mind. Sometimes it freaked her out how in sync they were.

"Yeah," she answered half-heartedly.

Lucky her.

* * *

"Thought you had the day off?"

Kate looked up to find Castle standing in her office doorway, looking somewhat timid. She gestured towards the murder board the boys were currently setting up out in the bullpen. "Well, not anymore."

"But you did," he reiterated. "And you were at a diner way uptown, standing close enough to a former cop that when he happened to get shot, his blood ended up all over your clothes."

"What's your point?" she asked, annoyed. He wasn't wrong. And, as usual, he'd caught on pretty quickly.

"You knew him," Castle surmised. "You two met for coffee. I'm pretty sure you don't have a boyfriend," Kate rolled her eyes at his assumption, "but an old friend, maybe?"

She sighed. It was bound to come up at some point, she supposed. "I'd actually never met him."

"But you were there with him." It wasn't a question.

Kate nodded.

"Why?"

She hesitated. Did she really want to answer this? The plan was to fly under the radar, see what she could find without attracting any attention. It was her mother, her case, and she didn't want anyone else tangled up in it.

Then again, Castle was the one who'd dug into it initially. He'd seen the file, knew about the other murders. He was smart. He thought outside the box.

And despite her outward projections, she'd found herself starting to trust him. Not necessarily with her heart. But he'd proven that he was able to handle himself in tense situations. And that he did actually know when to take things seriously.

She made a snap decision, one she hoped she wouldn't come to regret.

"Come on, Castle. I gotta show you something."

* * *

He'd never seen the inside of her apartment before, and Castle found himself fascinated. A lot could be learned about a person by simply being in their space, their home environment. It was spacious, clean, decorated with an eccentric touch.

His gaze flitted about the room, taking it all in as he followed her across the living room to the far corner. It was darker back here, the shutters closed over the window, blocking out the light. There was a desk and chair, a computer, and a wooden box; clearly her area for personal items and tasks.

Kate reached out to open the shutters, and it took Castle a moment to comprehend what he was seeing as she stepped back to stand next to him. She'd slipped off her shoes, leaving her a few inches shorter than him, but Castle barely noticed. His eyes were glued to this makeshift murder board that contained what he assumed was every piece of information Kate had ever collected on the murder of Johanna Beckett.

"You know, I sometimes forget that you live with this every day."

She nodded sadly.

"How long have you…" he trailed off, heart clenching in his chest. He couldn't even imagine the pain she must feel on a daily basis.

"About a month ago," she answered, understanding his unfinished question. "After, well…"

Now it was his turn to follow her train of thought. "Right."

Shortly after he'd dug into the case on her behalf, handed her a file of evidence, and walked away.

"Have you found anything?"

Kate nodded, stepped forward to point at things as she spoke. "There were three other people who were killed the same way as my mother right around the same time," she recapped, indicating three photographs. "Two worked at the same office as her and the third was a documents clerk at the courthouse. All of their murders are also unsolved. I went back through the case files, and for all of them, the lead officer was the same. John Raglan."

"Raglan," Castle recalled. "He was lead on your mom's case too, right?"

"Right," she confirmed with a nod. "He died four years ago."

"Murdered?"

"Cancer. But his partner was still alive."

It all fell into place then. "Gary McCallister."

Kate nodded.

"So you asked to meet with him," Castle deduced. At Kate's nod, he continued. "And then he ends up dead." He cocked his head. "Does that timing seem suspicious to you?"

"Exactly."

"So you think it was intentional? Someone didn't want him talking to you?"

"But how did the gunman know I was meeting with him?"

"Maybe McCallister was being followed?"

"Or I was."

"But why?"

Kate shook her head.

"Do we have any info on the gunman?" Castle asked.

"Not yet, CSU was still processing the crime scene. I told the guys to call me when the ballistics report comes in."

"What about the other murders?" he indicated the makeshift murder board.

"Well, the killer's a hired gun, so he's not the one behind it all," Kate answered. "And I don't actually know _who_ he is. Just that his name is Rathborne."

"How do you know that?"

Kate took a step back. "Tell you what. Let me make us some coffee and I'll start from the beginning."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	15. Chapter 14

_Bumping the rating up to T now, but that will be as high as it goes._

 _Hope you're all having a wonderful start to the new year!_

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

Castle had been sitting on her sofa for nearly an hour, sipping coffee and listening intently as she brought him up to date on the circumstances surrounding Jack Coonan's death, the mysterious Rathborne, and everything else she knew about her mother's case, when there was a knock at the front door.

"Excuse me," Kate said in a low voice, setting her mug aside and rising, striding across the room. The door swung open to reveal an older man. He was tall, thin, and from the smile on his face, Kate was clearly someone very special to him.

Maybe she did have a boyfriend.

"Katie," he greeted, pulling her into a hug.

Katie? She went by Katie?

"Hey, Dad."

Castle breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't realize he'd been holding in. It was her father. Not her boyfriend.

"You have company," the man observed with a knowing grin.

"Dad."

Kate stepped back and he entered her apartment, purposefully making his way towards her guest. Okay, so this was happening then. Her Dad was just going to walk up and introduce himself to her…whatever he was.

He paused to discard his jacket, giving Kate time to take a deep breath and cross the room, gain some control of this situation.

"Dad, this is Richard Castle," she spoke as the two neared. "Castle, my dad."

"Jim Beckett," the elder man said as he grasped Castle's hand firmly.

"Well. Nice to finally meet you," Castle replied, suddenly finding himself extremely nervous. He hoped Jim couldn't feel the sweatiness of his palms.

"Yeah, I feel like I already know you," Jim reciprocated as their hands separated. "I've heard a lot of great things about you from Katie."

"Really?" the author asked in interest.

Jim turned to his daughter. "Katie, do you have any coffee?"

Kate leveled a glare at her father and his unsubtle attempt to send her out of the room. It was clear he was misreading this situation. Not that Kate had a good explanation for _what_ this situation actually was. But having her father and Castle in the same room couldn't possibly make things less confusing.

"Sure," she spoke, a warning look in her eyes as she departed.

"So you're Katie's famous author shadow," Jim mused.

"I, uh, yes," Castle stammered, tearing his eyes away from Kate's retreated form. He supposed that was a reasonably accurate description of his current relationship with Beckett. "That's me."

"I read _Heat Wave_ ," Jim offered as Kate busied herself in the kitchen, a cupboard opening and closing, a mug being set on the countertop, removing the pot from the coffee maker.

Castle swallowed hard. There were butterflies in his stomach and he was struggling to find the words – any words – to reply to the man's statement without making a complete fool of himself. Because even though he'd been taking it slow, working to fully win back her trust, Castle had known almost since the day he first met her that he was in love with Kate Beckett.

And he was almost starting to believe that his feelings might be reciprocated. Which meant that Jim might someday be, well, his girlfriend's father. He needed to make a good impression.

"Your daughter's an inspiring woman," Castle offered, thankful that the words that spilled out were appropriate and that his voice was at the correct register.

"So it would seem," Jim agreed. "I didn't realize the two of you were an item."

Castle inhaled sharply, coughed as his own saliva got stuck in his throat.

"We're, uh, not," he offered as he regained his breath, and what the _hell_ was taking her so long with the coffee? "I'm just here working a case."

"Not just any case from the looks of it," Jim observed, indicating the murder board, the box of Johanna's old possessions that littered Kate's coffee table.

"I, uhh," Castle hesitated, because how _exactly_ was he supposed to explain to Kate's father that he'd been the one to re-open the case that nearly destroyed her?

"She told me what happened," the older man offered.

"I should've left it alone," the author admitted.

"Maybe," Jim agreed.

"I just…" Castle began. "She works so hard to find justice for so many people and I just thought… I wanted… I thought if I could…" he trailed off. He never thought he'd have to justify himself to Kate's father. He had no idea what to say.

"I'm not doing a very good job explaining myself, am I?" he asked, self-deprecating.

"I think you're doing just fine," Jim answered.

"Well, you're very kind," Castle replied.

Jim knew the relationship between the author and his daughter had been a rollercoaster. He was the one Katie had come to, furious and with tears in her eyes, when Castle had dug into Johanna's case, leaving Jim inclined to vigorously hate the man.

But he knew enough to know that Katie wouldn't have let him back into her life if she didn't want him there. And now Castle was here at her apartment. He knew more than just surface details about Johanna. And, from his fumbling attempts to explain himself just now, he clearly cared about Kate.

A lot.

From the way they'd been looking at each other in that recent newspaper photo, Jim had a feeling it was entirely mutual.

They just didn't seem to have figured it out yet.

* * *

"Huh."

"Huh, what?" Kate asked. Jim had departed about half an hour ago, leaving Beckett and Castle alone with the case files.

Castle turned towards the window, held a strip of negatives up to the light. "Well, there's twenty four exposures here but only twenty pictures."

Kate set aside her coffee, adjusted her position for a better look. "What do you mean?"

"These last four," he indicated. "They're not printed."

"What are they?"

He squinted at the tiny images. "A building? Maybe a parking lot? I can't tell."

Kate had an idea. "Here, let me."

Three minutes later, the images were imported onto her computer and she pulled them up in full size. Castle examined each photo; they appeared to be shots taken in an alley. An odd choice, he thought.

A long moment passed before Kate spoke softly. "Castle, this is where my mom was murdered."

* * *

"So I did some digging, and it turns out your mother isn't the only person to be murdered in this alley. Seven years earlier, there was another murder, back when this alley was the back entrance to a club called Sons of Palermo. It was a mafia hangout."

Kate followed Castle across her apartment as he made himself at home, sinking down onto her sofa. "I didn't know this was a club."

"Well, it got shut down years ago, after an FBI agent by the name of Bob Armen was killed in the alley behind it," he explained as he opened the folder.

Kate dropped into the cushions next to him, consulted the file. "It says here Armen was working undercover in the mafia."

"Somehow, someone caught onto it," Castle continued her train of thought.

She nodded in agreement.

"The NYPD arrested a mob enforcer in Armen's murder, a guy by the name of Joe Pulgatti. He later pled guilty." Castle paused. "And guess who the arresting officers were?"

Kate's eyes fell to the file, but she already knew the answer before she spoke. "John Raglan and Gary McCallister."

"Your mom was a civil rights attorney. Did she ever mention Armen's murder or Pulgatti's conviction?"

Kate shook her head. "No, but there's gotta be a connection somewhere."

"I bet Pulgatti could shed some light."

* * *

Kate wasn't sure what to think anymore.

Pulgatti claimed he was innocent, that he'd been wrongly arrested for Armen's murder by three cops donning ski masks who'd been in the business of kidnapping mobsters. Armen had grabbed for one of their guns and it had gone off. According to Pulgatti, there hadn't been anyone else in the alley at the time, meaning that the three cops were the ones that framed him.

Kate believed him.

John Raglan and Gary McCallister were clearly two of the cops in question. The identity of the third cop remained unclear.

Meanwhile, Ryan and Esposito had managed to ID McCallister's shooter from a fingerprint he'd left on the arm of a woman whose key card he stole in order to enter the building across the street from the diner. It was a match to a man named Dick Coonan.

Jack Coonan's brother.

"Dammit," Kate cursed upon receipt of the news. "There was no Rathborne. It was him all along."

A quick background check revealed Coonan's last-known address, and a search of the residence turned up weapons, surveillance equipment, photographs of Beckett and McCallister at the coffee shop - so he _had_ been following her - and a bag of anti-anxiety pills. They'd traced the drugs back to a local dealer, but the dealer didn't recognize Coonan. He insisted he'd sold the pills to a thirty-something blonde woman named Janine.

Which tasked Ryan and Esposito with the job of locating this woman in a city where there were probably a hundred blonde women named Janine.

Kate, meanwhile, was still struggling to make sense of everything. What was supposed to be a simple meeting with Gary McCallister had morphed into what was beginning to resemble a conspiracy. Certainly a very large cover-up. And despite what McCallister had begun to tell her at the diner, drugs didn't seem to figure into the equation at all.

It didn't make any sense.

But one thing was becoming excrutiatingly clear: her mother's murder was about much more than random gang violence. And someone was going to a lot of trouble to keep Kate from ever finding the truth.

Her phone rang, startling her from her thoughts.

It was Esposito. "We found her place."

"Where? I'll meet you there."

On the other end of the line, there was a shout, the sound of a phone tumbling to the ground and bouncing around, and then nothing.

"Esposito? Espo?"

No reply.

Crap.

* * *

They found Ryan and Esposito's cruiser in a dark alley next to what appeared to be an abandoned building. It wasn't, though. A guard stood outside. A guard with a uniform and a radio.

So they weren't just going to be able to walk in, then.

Kate lowered the binoculars, turned to Castle who was surprisingly silent in the passenger seat. "I'm open to dumb ideas here."

"Good," he replied without missing a beat. "Because I've got one."

They stumbled out of her cruiser, smiling and giggling, doing their best to portray a drunken couple who just happened to be wandering through in the middle of the night. Kate leaned into Castle's left side and he draped his arm around her, pulling her closer.

She resolutely ignored the feeling of his warm body against hers in the chilly late November air.

But the guard wasn't convinced, took a few steps towards them.

"He's not buying it, Castle," Kate murmured, started reaching for her gun even as she continued to project the image of a slap happy drunk woman.

But before she could draw it from her holster, Castle's hand was on her arm, pushing it away. He turned to face her, and the moment his hand rose to cup her jaw, Kate's laughter stopped. Because his eyes were dark, his gaze was fixed on her mouth, and she could tell exactly what was coming next.

Castle's lips met hers, soft and gentle; it took her a moment to react, but he didn't pull away. And before her brain could register what she was doing, she was kissing him back. She was kissing Richard Castle.

When they finally separated, Kate stared up at him in shock. Her knees were weak, she could hear the blood rushing in her ears, and he was looking at her like there was nothing in the world he wanted more than to kiss her again. She wasn't opposed to that idea. In fact…

No.

Kate forced herself to focus. Dark alley. Approaching guard.

The man's steps had slowed, but he didn't seem completely convinced. And, frankly, this was the only plan they had.

So she went with it.

Kate leaned in, met his lips again while turning them slightly so she had a view of the guard over Castle's shoulder. But she was finding it difficult to focus because Richard Castle was kissing her and his fingers were tangled in her hair and a flock of butterflies had taken flight in her stomach and she was tugging on his lower lip and…

The guard chuckled to himself and turned his back.

Kate tore herself away from Castle, spinning and knocking the man to the ground in one fell swoop. He crumpled into a motionless heap.

She exhaled heavily, taking a moment to compose herself.

So, that just happened.

"That was amazing," came Castle's voice from behind her.

Kate turned slowly, horrified.

"The way you knocked him out, I mean, it was…" he trailed off.

She averted her eyes. He wasn't talking about her takedown, and they both knew it.

But Ryan and Esposito were somewhere inside that building with Dick Coonan. Right now, rescuing them had to take priority.

Kate turned towards the front door, willing her heart to stop pounding, her lips to stop tingling with the ghost of his kiss.

"Let's go. Yeah."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

He'd beaten up a sniper. Castle had launched himself off a shelf and beaten a man senseless.

For her.

He'd saved her life yet again, mere minutes after making out with her in an alley with a kiss that felt far too real to have only been a ruse.

He'd looked her in the eye and told her he'd always have her back.

 _Always._

Until tonight, she'd done a pretty good job of suppressing those three little words from so long ago (which she still refused to consider as true because how could he love her when he barely knew her?). But now Kate found them floating around the edges of her psyche once again.

Castle had feelings for her. She wasn't an idiot. He'd flirted with her from day one. He'd brought her coffee. He'd re-opened her mother's case – done the wrong thing for the right reasons, she realized now. And he'd dedicated an entire book to her.

Kate knew that his feelings for her had evolved over time, was pretty sure that he truly did love her now _,_ in much the same way that hers had evolved from pretending to hate him to pretending she wasn't falling in love with him.

But after tonight, she was finding it impossible to pretend.

Sure, she went on dates from time to time, but she wasn't looking for a relationship. She'd been single for almost two years now, and it was better that way. If she didn't give away her heart, it couldn't get broken. And it'd worked.

Until Castle.

Somehow, over the course of the last year, he'd stolen her heart.

Kate shook her head. She was in no place to be in a relationship right now, not with her mother's case hanging over her head. And even if the case wasn't there, she still wasn't prepared to give her heart away to another person. She wasn't sure she'd ever be ready for that.

Except it'd already happened. And it terrified her.

"Beckett?"

She startled at Castle's voice. Of course it was him. Of course he'd managed to find her, leaning against the wall around the other side of the warehouse, trying to avoid the one person who was impossible to get away from.

"You okay?" he asked as he approached, and no, no, _no,_ he couldn't get this close to her right now. Not after everything that had transpired in the last hour.

Adrenaline was still coursing through her but tiredness was also sinking in. She could still taste his kiss on her lips, feel the heat of his touch, and all of her defenses were in shambles.

"Fine," she lied. "Just needed some air."

"Of course."

"It's after midnight," Kate stated, shivering as a cool breeze whipped up the alleyway, tangling in her hair and wrapping around her body. "You should go home."

"You're cold," he murmured, completely ignoring her suggestion and stepping closer.

"I'm fine."

"You're hiding in an alley in the middle of the night," Castle observed. "And you're shivering. You're clearly not fine."

"Castle…"

"Kate," he breathed, taking another step, closing the distance between them. The red and blue of the police lights reflected in his eyes as he gazed at her, mesmerizing and kaleidoscopic.

She blinked, averted her eyes. He couldn't look at her like that. Not now. Not when…

Castle reached for her then and she knew what was coming. Knew he was about to kiss her again, for real this time. And she knew she wouldn't stop him.

But to her surprise, he didn't seek out her lips.

Instead, Castle's arms slid around her, wrapping snugly across her upper back as he stepped into her, melding their bodies together. His embrace was strong, his body solid, and against her better judgement Kate felt herself returning the gesture.

She released a shaky breath as the adrenaline began to drain from her body, and Castle held her more tightly in silent reply.

Kate could feel the warmth of his breath in her hair, the soft stroke of his hand up and down the line of her spine as he sustained the embrace, comforting, loving.

This time, the shiver that wracked her body had absolutely nothing to do with the temperature.

* * *

"We kissed."

Lanie nearly choked on her lemonade. "Girlfriend, you can't spill that kind of news when I'm taking a drink."

"Sorry," Kate offered around a bite of salad.

"You and Castle kissed?" Lanie clarified, wiping her chin with a napkin.

"It was for a case."

Lanie raised an eyebrow in apparent disbelief.

"We were undercover," Kate elaborated. "It was the only way we could sneak past the guard."

"Right," the ME agreed. "The only way."

"Lanie."

"You were the best homicide detective in NYPD history, Kate. You're telling me you couldn't come up with any other way to sneak past a guard besides kissing Castle?"

"It was his idea," Kate protested.

"And?"

"And nothing. I took down the guard and we got into the building."

"You expect me to believe nothing else happened?" Lanie demanded.

She rolled her eyes. "No, but it's true."

"Kate."

She huffed a sigh. "Fine. We had a couple of…moments…afterwards," she admitted. "But really, that's it."

"What kind of moments?"

"Lanie, I really don't wanna talk about this right now."

"Then you shouldn't have invited me to lunch. Now spill it."

"It's not… I don't…" she began, trailed off with a sigh. "I don't know what to say."

"He likes you, Kate. More than likes you. You've known that for a year now. The real question is whether you're gonna do anything about it."

"I can't," she protested instantly. "My job is…" she trailed off, knowing it was a feeble excuse. "And with this case open again, I don't have time for a relationship."

"But you want one?" Lanie asked, acutely.

"No."

"Kate."

"I don't, Lanie. You've known for years how I feel about this."

"I have," she agreed. "But when I asked just now if you were gonna do something about it, you didn't say no. You didn't say you didn't want to. And you and I both know that if you didn't wanna date Castle, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"I have to solve this case."

"Solving the case and being in a relationship aren't mutually exclusive," her friend pointed out. "Especially with a guy who wants to _help_ you solve it."

Kate busied herself with her salad, aimlessly spearing lettuce leaves with her fork.

She felt a hand cover hers where it rested on the table, lifted her eyes to find Lanie gazing at her with concern and far too much understanding.

"Kate. What's really going on here?"

The cop shook her head, closed her eyes and sighed. As much as she didn't want to admit this, she'd come to Lanie because she really needed advice, and the only way to get it was to be honest with her best friend.

"I'm terrified, Lanie. I've…never felt like this before."

"You like him."

She nodded.

"A lot."

Another nod.

"That's how it's supposed to be."

"But it's _Castle,_ " Kate admitted mutedly. "Twice-divorced, immature, womanizer extraordinaire."

"Exactly how many women has he been with since you met him?"

Kate raised an eyebrow at her friend. "I don't keep track of his escapades."

Now it was the ME's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"I don't."

"Well then estimate."

She shrugged. "There was that one time his ex-wife came to visit."

"She's not just some random woman."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure he's slept with both of his ex-wives in the last year," Kate speculated, recalling her meetings with both women when they'd shown up at the precinct unannounced.

"Again, not just any random women," Lanie reiterated.

"That doesn't mean there haven't been others," Kate protested.

"It doesn't mean there have." Lanie squeezed her friend's hand. "Look, I'm not sayin' you're wrong to be wary. But I don't think you should write him off so easily. The man's crazy about you. He dedicated a book to you. He wrote a sex scene about you that had me reaching for ice water. And you're here talkin' to me right now because he kissed you and you can't stop thinking about it because you're crazy about him, too."

"I never said that."

"Look me in the eye and tell me it wasn't the best kiss of your life."

Kate blushed and looked away.

"Mmhmm," Lanie murmured to herself. "That's what I thought."

* * *

"Ask me why I'm here."

Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito whirled around at the sound of Castle's voice in the doorway.

"You know, I ask myself that question every day," Beckett answered, hoping the snark covered up the excited flutter in her stomach at his sudden, unexpected appearance.

"I'll give you a hint: tomorrow's headline might read 'Castle Bestseller to _Heat_ up Big Screen,'" he said excitedly, miming a banner with his hands as he spoke.

"They're really making a Nikki Heat movie?" Ryan asked excitedly. "Congrats, bro."

"Thank you," Castle replied, crossing the room to join them in front of the television screen and sharing some bizarre hand gesture with the detective. "So, who do you guys want to play you in the movie?"

Ryan gestured to himself. "What do you think? I mean, James McAvoy for Detective Raley?"

Esposito raised an eyebrow at his partner in judgement, Ryan protested, and they quickly devolved into a debate about who to best represent their alter egos, leaving Castle standing next to Kate.

"So, what do you think? Angelina Jolie?" he asked excitedly.

She didn't look up. "I really haven't given it any thought."

"Come on, everyone's thought about who should play themselves in a movie version of their lives."

"I really don't think everyone has," Kate countered, reaching for the remote.

"Oh wait, I know," Castle exclaimed, ignoring her retort. "Kate Beckett. Kate Beckinsale. We'll call you K-Becks."

She rounded on him. "You will not."

"Okay, okay," he amended, stepping back and raising his arms in placation. "Just think about it. Because _you_ are about to be immortalized on the silver screen."

" _I'm_ not," she corrected. "Nikki Heat is. And in case you haven't noticed, there's work to do."

"Yes, but it's well known that you're the inspiration for Nikki," Castle pointed out, once again ignoring her words. "Which, by the way," he continued in a low voice, approaching her once more, "after the other night I have a whole new level of inspiration for…"

Kate whirled around. "Castle."

He stepped back again as her glaring eyes met his. But he'd spent enough time observing her to know the nuances of her expressions, and this wasn't her usual glare. No, this one was softer around the edges. And he swore he could see her eyes darken almost imperceptibly as they met his.

But Ryan and Esposito were still in the room, and it was clear that Kate wasn't about to have this conversation with him. So he filed it in the back of his mind for later and switched his focus.

"So, you guys caught a case?"

Kate breathed a sigh of relief at the familiarity of his question. Working a case with Castle, she could handle. Discussing evidence, building theory, she could handle.

Best kiss of her life or not, she wasn't about to start anything else with him right now.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The next few weeks passed relatively uneventfully. The most exciting moment had happened the previous week when Ryan proposed to Jenny at the precinct, in a moment so intimate and romantic that even Esposito found himself surreptitiously swiping at a few tears. Castle had tossed a glance at Kate while it was happening, pleased to find that the tough-as-nails police captain did secretly possess a romantic side; she was smiling and wiping her eyes, and later that afternoon, Castle had caught her gazing longingly into the distance with a soft but wistful smile on her face.

Castle spent the majority of his days at the precinct now, chatting with Kate whenever he could and heading out to most crime scenes with Ryan and Esposito. He and Ryan had always gotten along, but in recent weeks he'd _finally_ begun to establish a real rapport with Esposito as well. He'd even been invited to their most recent guys night – beer, pizza, and Madden at Espo's apartment. They were due for another one next week, and Castle had already promised the use of the giant projector screen at the loft.

On his days away from the precinct, Castle found himself at home in front of his laptop, the words flowing faster than he could put them down on paper. He'd made substantial progress on the second Nikki Heat novel, though there was one chapter that was far too racy to ever see the light of day. He'd written that one two days after their undercover kiss; it had quickly spiraled out of control and he'd found himself alone in the shower that night, wishing it was her hand wrapped around him rather than his own.

That was becoming far too common of an occurrence.

He couldn't get their kiss out of his head, but Kate had made it quite clear that she had no intention of talking about it. Or, it would seem, repeating it.

But Castle wasn't to be deterred. She may not be much of one for words, but her eyes revealed more than she realized and the way she gazed at him when she didn't think he was looking told him all he needed to know.

Whatever this thing was between them, she felt it too.

* * *

"You know, Remy's is open late."

Darkness had fallen long ago, and the whole team was still at the precinct wrapping up paperwork from their latest case. They'd meant to order food hours ago but then Espo caught a break and he and Ryan hustled off to make an arrest and now it was nearing ten and they hadn't eaten much of anything since breakfast.

"I think I'm just gonna call it a night," Kate replied.

"You're starving," Castle stated. "We both are. And we both know you have nothing edible in your fridge."

"Castle," she protested.

"It's just dinner," he promised.

Kate sighed, contemplating her options. She'd done a pretty good job of avoiding one on one situations with him recently. It was better that way. Safer. Because every time they were alone, he looked at her like he did that night in the alley, and she knew exactly what he was thinking because she was thinking it too. It was never far from her mind. And she could tell he'd been waiting for the right moment to broach the subject.

Like while the two of them were alone at a restaurant late at night.

"Come on," he begged. "Burgers, fries, and shakes. How can you say no to that?"

She rolled her eyes at his adorable eagerness, felt herself giving in. "Fine. Let's go."

He guided her into the elevator with a hand on her lower back, stood far too close as they descended, and she once again felt the gentle pressure of his hand on her back as they exited the precinct and stepped out into the cool night air.

He dropped his hand ( _finally_ , she thought, staunchly ignoring the acute loss of warmth) as they made their way up the block, coming to a stop at the next intersection, waiting for their turn to cross. They stood at the street corner in silence, Castle's eyes on Kate and Kate's fixed firmly on the bright orange 'don't walk' sign.

She could feel the heat of his gaze sweeping her body, lingering on her chest; it was awakening the butterflies in her stomach, and she was regretting this already.

Maybe she should just go home.

* * *

Once they arrived at the restaurant, Kate felt the tension begin to dissipate. They settled into a corner booth, placed their orders, and then fell into an easy conversation. By the time their food arrived, she was laughing so hard she'd completely forgotten why she'd been hesitant to come here with him in the first place.

The laughter continued as they dug into their food. Castle made fun of her for dribbling ketchup down her chin. She judged him for dipping his fries into his milkshake ("it's delicious, Beckett, just give it a try"), though she finally relented and swirled one of her fries into his chocolate shake; she had to admit, it did have an interesting sweet-and-salty flavor to it.

They devoured their food more quickly than was probably socially acceptable, leaving them to slowly nurse what was left of their milkshakes. Kate leaned back, crossing one leg over the other and pulling the straw into her mouth. Castle too sat back, one arm draped along the top of the booth, eyes fixed on her lips as they toyed with her straw.

"Castle," she muttered.

He busied himself with his own shake. "Sorry."

And just like that, the tension reappeared.

The waitress came to clear their table then and drop off the check, which Castle insisted on paying, and suddenly Kate remembered why this had been such a bad idea.

They'd spend the last forty-five minutes talking and laughing and having a wonderful time. They'd traveled most of the distance to the restaurant with his hand on her lower back. He'd spent the majority of the last five minutes blatantly staring at her mouth. And he was paying for dinner.

She'd just gone on a date with Richard Castle.

* * *

"Thanks for dinner," Kate offered as he guided her out of the restaurant.

Castle shrugged. "It was the least I could do."

She offered him a small smile, busied herself with her jacket.

"Here, let me," he offered, taking the pea coat from her and extending it so she could slide her arms through the sleeves.

"I, uh, thanks," she stammered, turning her back and allowing him to guide the jacket up her arms. He settled the fabric against her shoulders, automatically reached up to untuck her hair from the collar. She shivered at the unexpected contact.

He noticed – of course he did – and used a hand on her shoulder to gently turn her to face him.

Kate busied herself with the jacket, forcing her fingers to manipulate each button through the appropriate hole. Castle, meanwhile, took it upon himself to straighten her lapels, smoothing them down against her collarbones.

She lifted her head at the gentleness of his touch, immediately regretted her decision. He was close. _Too_ close. And he was looking at her with those deeply expressive eyes that she'd been trying to avoid.

"Beckett," he murmured, voice low and deep, barely audible over the noise of the city.

She took a step back, extended a hand. "Don't."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "It's, uh, late. I should get home. Thanks again for dinner."

"Kate." It was soft, gentle, and damn it he couldn't _do_ that. She wondered if he knew what it did to her when he said her name like that, so much emotion wrapped up in just one syllable. He probably did. He'd always known far too much about her.

"You've been avoiding me for weeks." Not accusatory, merely an observation.

"I see you every day."

"That's not what I meant." Castle stated, eyes boring into hers.

"Yeah," she admitted on a sigh, not quite meeting his eyes. "I know."

"Did I do something wrong?"

Kate lifted her chin, found him gazing at her in distress; the sadness in his eyes, the hard set of his jaw in the shadows of the street lights broke her heart.

She shook her head. "No."

"Then what?"

She looked around, taking in the crowded streets, the storefront lights, the bustling energy of Manhattan at night.

"Not here," she murmured, tilting her head up the block. "Come on."

Castle fell into step beside her, wisely remaining quiet but his eyes never left her as she led them three blocks north, finally stepping off the sidewalk into a small, deserted city park.

She strode across the grass with Castle at her heels, passing the slides and monkey bars and sinking down into one of the swings. Castle did the same, settling in next to her and fixing her with a patient gaze.

Kate stared at the ground, aimlessly kicking at the woodchips beneath their feet, sending a few of them flying. She twisted her hands around the chains, flexing her fingers against the cold metal as she gathered up her courage. At long last she spoke, her voice soft, sad.

"I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?" he prodded gently.

"This." She lifted her head, gestured between them, but didn't quite meet his eyes. "Whatever it is."

"Friendship?" Castle offered. "A partnership?"

"I don't know _what_ it is," Kate admitted eventually. "But it's…something."

"It's whatever you want it to be," he replied softly.

She shook her head. "It's not that easy."

"It can be," he murmured.

The shaking of her head became more emphatic. "It can't."

Castle gazed at her curiously. "Why not?"

After a long moment of silence, she finally met his eyes. "After my mother was killed, something inside me changed. It's like I built up this wall inside. I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to hurt like that again." She paused to gauge his reaction; he was gazing at her with a mixture of curiosity, understanding, patience, and concern. When he didn't speak, she continued. "I know I'm not gonna be able to be the kind of person that I want to be, I know I'm not gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that I want…until that wall comes down."

Castle held her eyes for a long moment, contemplating the appropriate response. "Well then we'll just have to take a wrecking ball to it together."

Kate huffed a laugh, couldn't help herself. Somehow, he always knew exactly what to say.

"You need answers," Castle continued, sobering. "I get it."

She nodded, eyes staring off into the distance. "Yeah."

He twisted in the swing so he was facing her, reached out to rest a hand on her leg. "We're gonna find them. I promise. I'm gonna be right here by your side until we do."

Kate smiled, met his eyes as she covered his hand with her own. "Thanks, Castle."

"Now come on." He flipped his hand beneath hers and twined their fingers together, tugging her to her feet as he rose from the swing. "It's late. Let's get you home."

She came easily, falling into step beside him and, to his surprise, not releasing his hand.

They walked in a comfortable, companionable silence, and all too soon they were standing outside her building.

"I'm glad we did this," Castle said sincerely as they came to a stop at the front door.

Kate finally released his hand, turned to face him. "Me too."

They paused, awkwardness hanging between them as they debated the appropriate way to say goodnight. Castle broke the tension first, reached out and drew her into a hug. She fell into him, soaking up the warmth of his body, the strength of his embrace.

"I'll wait," he whispered, lips at her ear. "I promise. As long as it takes."

Kate exhaled shakily, hugged him tighter.

They _really_ needed to solve her mother's case.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Castle had always been a people-watcher. It was an occupational hazard of sorts. He watched while he sat in traffic, writing the life story of the people bustling around the city sidewalks. It was old habit now to look up when someone entered or exited subway or when a door opened, observe the person as they walked by. And in his time at the precinct, he'd automatically begun looking up every time the elevator dinged to signal its arrival as well.

So one December day, Castle found himself doing a double take in surprise when the doors parted to reveal Natalie Rhodes. He knew she'd been cast to play Nikki in the upcoming _Heat Wave_ movie, but he had no idea she'd be coming to New York. To the precinct.

"Holy smokes," came Espo's voice from behind him, stealing the words from his mouth. "That's Natalie Rhodes."

"Yep," Beckett agreed. "Apparently _she's_ playing Nikki Heat."

"That's awesome!" Esposito exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's awesome," Castle replied without enthusiasm. "What's she doing here?"

"She wanted to get an authentic feel of what it's like to _be_ Nikki by following the person who _inspired_ Nikki."

Castle fixed her with a baffled expression. "And you said yes?"

Kate furrowed her brow in confusion. "Of course."

* * *

Having Natalie Rhodes at the precinct was endlessly entertaining for Castle. She was a talented actress and a beautiful woman, and he couldn't deny that he was at least superficially attracted to her. He liked watching her work; hearing her thought processes as she got into the mind of her character was fascinating. And he watched in amusement as she morphed into a moderately convincing rendition of Kate Beckett.

But even more amusing was the appearance of paranoid, jealous Beckett. It made her feisty and she was completely out of her element, and Castle was enjoying it immensely. Much more than he let on, for fear of losing an ear to the sharp pinch of her fingers.

But when Natalie cornered him in the elevator, Castle knew he had to stop watching in delight and put his foot down. Yes, she was a beautiful woman. Yes, he was flattered that she so clearly wanted him.

But all he could think about as Natalie pushed him against the wall and melded her lips to his was that it was all wrong. The taste of her kiss, the feel of her lips, the soft noise from the back of her throat.

All of it was wrong.

He'd been forever ruined.

He didn't want Nikki Heat or Natalie Rhodes or anyone else, for that matter.

He wanted Kate Beckett.

* * *

"Good morning, Captain," Castle greeted cheerily, catching up to Kate in the hallway bright and early the next morning. She turned to find him extending a coffee in her direction as he fell into step beside her.

She didn't take it from him.

"Is that for me, or for the fictional version of me, or have you already taken care of her this morning?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Castle asked in confusion.

Kate stopped, turned to face him, and he almost swore her eyes were alight with jealousy.

"Oh, what, you think we didn't all see your little make out session in the elevator yesterday?" she snapped.

So she _was_ jealous.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me," she barked, spinning on her heel and striding away.

"Beckett," he pleaded, hastening after her. "Kate."

No answer.

He took three quick steps, catching up to her and snagging her arm, tugging her into the break room which was, thankfully, empty.

She yanked her arm from his grasp, whirled around. "What?"

"You think I spent the night with Natalie," he profiled accurately.

"Famous author, beautiful actress," she stated, gesturing towards each of them in turn as she spoke. "I'm not an idiot."

"Normally I'd agree, but right now you are," Castle shot back, and she could almost see a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

Kate narrowed her eyes. The man was infuriating. "Ex _cuse_ me?"

"If you really think I could spend the night with someone else after our conversation last week, then you're an idiot." Her glare sharpened. "A brainy, witty, gorgeous idiot."

"Castle."

He huffed a sigh, extended the coffee to her again. "This is for you. The real you, not the creepy version over there."

Kate took it from him reluctantly.

"She can emulate your mannerisms and your hair and your clothing all she wants," Castle said softly, gesturing towards Natalie. The actress was standing in front of the murder board doing her best to adopt Beckett's posture as she studied the information. "But that doesn't make her you. _Nothing_ will make her you."

Kate at least had the decency to look ashamed.

"I made you a promise," he continued. "And I fully intend to keep it."

Her eyes softened, lips curving into a gentle smile, and she reached out to smooth down his scarf.

"Sorry for doubting you."

* * *

"Did she just _touch_ him?" Ryan asked in shock.

"Voluntarily?" Esposito added.

Ryan leaned forward, squinted through the slats in the blinds. They'd watched Castle drag their boss into the break room a few minutes back, and though they hadn't been able to make out the words, it was clear that Beckett was angry.

Then Esposito's phone rang, and by the time they'd turned their attention back to Castle and Beckett the anger seemed to have all but dissipated. He'd handed her coffee, taken a step closer, and now they were smiling at each other.

"You don't think…?"

"She finally gave in," Espo continued his partner's train of thought. "Nah."

"I dunno, they look pretty comfortable around each other," Ryan observed. "Maybe he finally wore her down."

But the pair separated after that, stepping apart and exiting the break room, and Ryan and Esposito hastily backed away from the window, fumbling for something to do should their captain walk into the room.

"What are you guys doing?"

Castle's voice startled them both, but thankfully he was alone.

"Uh, just…"

"Trying to figure out a code word so we all know which Beckett to kill when her clone army attacks," Ryan improvised.

"Unless we make a preemptive strike," Castle suggested easily.

Ryan hummed in agreement. "How's Beckett?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there's someone following her around the precinct, pretending to be her," Espo pointed out.

"And we just thought, since the two of you are so close, maybe she would've confided in you," Ryan said with a teasing smile.

Castle turned to find both detectives looking at him knowingly.

"What?" They didn't reply, but their grins widened. "Guys, what?"

"Nothing," Ryan answered happily. "But you two aren't as subtle as you think you are."

"I don't…we're not...there's nothi…" Castle stuttered.

"Mmm, real convincing," Ryan said with a nod.

"Guys," the author protested.

"Come on, bro, we're your friends," Esposito teased. "Details."

Castle relented then, draped an arm around each detective and pulled them in close. He could see the excitement in their features, let the silence stretch to build the suspense before he pulled the rug out from underneath them both.

"There are no details."

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?"

Kate looked up to find Natalie Rhodes standing in the doorway of her office, looking far too much like herself for Kate's liking.

"Sure," she answered, raising her coffee cup to her lips.

"Is Castle gay?"

Kate snorted in surprise, spitting her coffee all over her desk.

"I'm sorry, _what_? No. _No_."

Natalie crossed the room, sank down into Castle's chair. "Then you two are an item but you're sworn to secrecy, right?"

Kate hesitated. They weren't an item _yet_. They would be. But Natalie didn't need to know that.

"No, we are not an item," she halfway lied. "Why?"

Natalie sighed. "Last night, I invited him back to my place and he said something to me I have never heard from a man before."

"What?" Kate asked, feigning interest.

Natalie leaned forward, as though this was a deep, dark secret. "No."

"No?" Kate gasped, pretending to be shocked.

"I don't get it," Natalie voiced. "He's into you, but you're determined not to give into these feelings that you clearly have for him. So he fantasizes about you through his writing. It's literally verbal masturbation."

Kate raised a hand, shook her head. Anything to get the woman to stop talking. "Okay, so what does this all have to do with me?"

Natalie indicated her outfit. "I am not wearing this get-up for my health. You're Nikki Heat. He's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Could you talk to him?"

"And say...what?" Kate stammered.

"I dunno, give him permission or something."

Kate opened her mouth to speak, closed it again. Was she seriously having this conversation right now?

"I need to go," she replied, rising and pointing across the bullpen. "Over there."

She grabbed her coffee and strode from her office without a backwards glance.

* * *

"What was that about?"

"What do you mean?"

Castle nodded towards Beckett's office where the actress was still sitting. "You and Natalie."

Kate swallowed hard. "Nothing."

"You just stalked over here and left her in your office."

"So?"

"So you don't like leaving _me_ in your office unattended."

"Because you stick your nose into everything."

"I do not," Castle replied automatically.

Kate fixed him with a pointed stare. "Really?" she drawled.

"Okay, fine, maybe I poke around a bit," he admitted. "So what did she say?"

"I'm really not gonna repeat it," Kate insisted.

"So it was about me?"

"No," she lied quickly.

"Uh huh."

"Can we just…not?" she asked. They'd already had one intensely personal conversation today. She wasn't about to have another.

"Fine. How's the case going?"

Kate felt herself relax at the return to normalcy. "Ryan and Espo got a location on Johnson. Unis are bringing him in now. Speaking of which…" Kate glanced around. "Where are those two?"

"Ah," Castle murmured.

She narrowed her eyes. "What?"

Castle seized the opportunity, clammed up and repeated her own words back to her. "Nothing."

"Castle."

"What did Natalie say?"

She huffed a sigh. "Really? This is how you're gonna play it?"

He shrugged innocently.

"Fine," Kate relented. "She wanted me to give you permission to sleep with her."

This time, it was Castle's turn to spit out his coffee.

"What?" he choked, fumbling for a napkin to wipe his face and the back of his hand.

Kate raised an eyebrow in amusement but took pity on him, handed him a stack of napkins and took a couple herself to wipe up the splatters of coffee that now stained the counter.

"So what did Ryan and Espo want?" she asked when they'd finished cleaning up.

"They must've seen us this morning," Castle hypothesized. "In the break room."

Kate furrowed her brow. "We were just talking."

"They're detectives," he reminded her. He tapped a finger to the side of his head. "Good ones."

"They think we're dating?"

"Something like that."

Kate sighed.

"Is that a problem?"

"No, not…" she trailed off. "I don't know. I mean, they know to keep their mouths shut."

"Mmm," Castle acknowledged with a nod.

"What did you tell them?"

"Nothing," he promised. "But they didn't believe me."

"Great," Kate muttered to herself.

They weren't even together yet, and already she knew she was never gonna hear the end of this.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Despite their midnight conversation on the swings the previous month, nothing had happened recently on Johanna's case. Dick Coonan consistently refused to talk, despite Beckett's weekly visits to the prison. And every other lead they'd thought they'd had ended up being a dead end.

But Coonan had shaken things up last week when he'd decided to start off the new year by taking a knife to another prisoner; today was the day of his arraignment. Which meant that, if nothing else, at least he'd be staying in jail for a while longer. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. And Kate was no closer to finding out who hired him. But it was something. A small bit of justice.

"You know what I don't understand?" Castle asked as he followed Beckett up the stairs and into the courthouse.

"What?"

"Why kill someone else? He's already in prison and there's no way he wasn't gonna get caught."

Kate shrugged. "I dunno."

"Is there a chance the guy was somehow involved in all of this?"

She came to an abrupt halt, turned to face her partner. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just writing the story in my head," Castle explained. "And it doesn't make sense. We're missing something."

"You think Coonan killed him for a reason?"

"You don't?"

"I…" Kate trailed off, absently gazing around the marble hallway. It hadn't even occurred to her but now that he'd verbalized it, she found herself hoping beyond hope that it wasn't true. "People get killed in prison."

Castle shrugged one shoulder, nodded. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

"You really think it's connected?" she asked, becoming noticeably agitated.

He took a step forward, rested a hand on her lower back and gently urged her to continue along with him.

The contact was calming, grounded her as she fell into step next to him.

"Let's go find out."

* * *

He held the door for her as they entered the courtroom, followed close behind until she turned and held up a finger to stop him. Castle did as he was told, could only watch as Beckett strode up to the front and had what he could only imagine were some very terse words with Dick Coonan.

Castle wanted to shoot the man himself for what he'd done to Beckett. He couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt.

"You okay?" he whispered as she returned to where she'd left him, slid into the bench beside him.

"Fine," she offered in a low voice. It was a lie and they both knew it, but now wasn't the time.

The judge entered the room then, and as the hearing began Castle noticed Beckett looking around the room, perplexed.

"What is it?" he whispered, leaning in close.

"I don't know."

Her eyes were fixed on the officers who had just entered the courtroom and were making their way up the aisles. "They're wearing chrome collar pins," she said in a low voice, hesitating between words as though she was thinking aloud. "NYPD's are brass."

Before he could ask what that meant, Kate was shouting his name, pushing him down and covering his body with her own as a loud bang erupted, a bright white flash illuminating the room.

Castle found himself momentarily stunned as he hit the ground, knocking the wind out of himself. He couldn't hear, couldn't see, and by the time he regained his sense of awareness, Kate was staggering to her feet and racing out of the courtroom. Castle glanced around, but in the midst of the chaos, one fact became readily apparent.

Dick Coonan was gone.

* * *

By the time Castle made it out of the courthouse, Kate was standing on the front steps with her gun trained at a fleeing helicopter, shooting at it but to no avail.

It was gone.

Castle saw her shoulders curve forward in anguish but repressed the urge to go to her, pull her into his arms and do what little he could to take away the pain. Instead, he leaned against a marble pillar a few feet away, giving her space and time to regroup. After a minute, she holstered her gun with far too much force, ran a hand through her hair in frustration before turning and making her way towards her cruiser without a word.

Castle hurried after her, sliding into the passenger seat a few seconds after the driver's door slammed shut.

"Guess you were right," she muttered, shoving the key into the ignition.

"I wish I wasn't," he answered.

"No, this is good," Kate assured him, starting the car. "I've been going to that prison every week for the last two months to have a staring contest with the devil and the devil just blinked. This is exactly what I've been looking for."

Castle busied himself with fastening his seatbelt, adjusting the sleeve of his jacket.

He didn't like the sound of this. Not at all.

* * *

After a couple of dead ends, Ryan and Esposito finally tracked down the phone records of Coonan's calls from prison. He'd been making weekly calls to the same number…calls that had gone unanswered until four days earlier.

They located the transcript, and the four of them soon found themselves huddled around Beckett's computer listening to the recording of two men having a conversation using the phonetic alphabet.

"Continue mission?" Castle asked ominously as Esposito finished decoding the conversation for them. "What's his mission?"

"Who's left?" Ryan asked.

"Me," Kate answered.

Esposito shook his head. "He could've killed you in the courtroom. You're not a threat, he knows you don't know anything."

"The third cop," Castle said suddenly, and three sets of eyes turned to look at him. "The man that Joe Pulgatti saw in the alley with John Raglan and Gary McCallister the night that Bob Armen was killed. Whoever this guy is, if he's still around, he knows who's behind this whole thing."

"But we looked through the reports," Espo asserted. "There's no mention of any third cop."

"Just because he's not mentioned in it doesn't mean he wasn't there," Beckett pointed out, turning back to her desk when her phone rang. "Beckett."

The three men shared a wary glance as their captain listened intently to whomever was on the other end of the line.

"That was the Jersey State Police," she said as she hung up the phone. "They found the chopper."

* * *

The chopper was a dead end, as was nearly everything else they tried to run down that day, leaving Beckett, Castle, Ryan, and Esposito combing through every piece of paper they could find on Raglan and McCallister. They'd even reached out to their former captain and current Homicide Commander - Roy Montgomery - for some help and he'd managed to dig up some old reports that they hadn't been able to access on their own.

"Who's Napolitano?" Castle asked, taking the beer that Esposito was extending to him and nodding his thanks.

"He worked with Raglan on a couple drug busts," Ryan answered. "But he was at his daughter's wedding the night Bob Armen was shot, so he's not our third cop."

"Where is he now?"

"He died twenty-some years ago," Espo answered. "Why are you asking about Napolitano?"

Castle indicated the paper in front of him, raised the beer to his lips and took a sip. "Uh, he and Raglan are listed as the arresting officers on this report, but this has been altered."

Three sets of eyes once again settled on him.

"How can you tell?" Beckett asked urgently.

"Because I know typewriters," Castle explained, showing them in detail exactly how he'd made this determination.

A thorough search revealed two other altered reports; they called Montgomery to update him and he promised to pull some strings, find out who was manning the records room in the years following those cases and send over a list in the morning.

When Beckett finally left the precinct at ten p.m., for the first time in weeks, she didn't feel a heavy sense of defeat. They had a lead. And tomorrow, they'd have a whole new batch of potential suspects to question.

* * *

Castle yawned widely as the elevator climbed to the top floor of his building, ran a tired hand over his face, through his hair. He couldn't believe that just this morning, he'd been walking up the stairs to the courthouse with Beckett, randomly hypothesizing as to the nature of Coonan's actions. It felt like days ago.

The elevator doors parted, and Castle nearly stumbled over his own feet in surprise when he noticed an older man standing outside the door to the loft.

He cleared his throat. "Jim."

"Rick."

"I, uh, what can I do for you?"

Jim gestured to the front door. "Mind if we head inside and talk."

Castle swallowed hard. He didn't like the sound of this either.

"Of course."

* * *

Castle arrived at the precinct the following morning in a state of mental chaos. Kate's father had come to him asking him to stop her. Jim had entrusted him with the monumental task of keeping his daughter safe in the face of what appeared to be a massive conspiracy.

He stepped off the elevator into the bullpen, mind still replaying his conversation with Kate on the swings just one month earlier. His promise to help her solve this case.

And now he was faced with a heart-wrenching decision, but one that only had one possible solution.

He didn't want to break his promise to her.

But there was no way in hell he was going to break his promise to her father.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	20. Chapter 19

_There seems to be some lingering concern about the not-really-AU nature of this story. It wasn't intended to be AU, so to those of you who were expecting it, I apologize for the confusion. It takes place in the 7x06 AU, yes, but I've said from the very beginning that it's going to parallel canon and be more of a reimagining of the series with some differences as a result of the fact that they met 6 years later, Kate is a captain, and her mother's case hadn't been re-opened._

 _If it's too similar to the series for you or it's just not your cup of tea, my feelings won't be hurt if you choose to stop reading. Not every fic is right for every person; but I had fun writing this so I'm here to share with those of you are along for the ride. Thank you to everyone who has offered feedback thus far; it's so wonderful to know that you're still out there helping keep our favorite characters alive!_

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

"Hey."

Kate lifted her head, smiled and returned the greeting as Castle crossed the threshold into her office and handed her a coffee, and his heart clenched in his chest.

God, he loved her. Loved seeing that soft smile every morning. And that made what he was about to do even harder.

He sank into his chair. "Beckett."

She looked up at the serious timbre of his voice. "What's going on?"

Castle paused to memorize the contours of her face, the beauty of her smile and the ever-changing color of her eyes.

He hated this. Hated this so much.

"Everyone involved with this case is dead," he began factually. "Everyone. You know they're coming for you next."

"I'm armed," she reminded him with a shrug. "I'm fine. And I thought we decided he wasn't after me, anyway."

"Not yet," he agreed. "Because you don't know anything. But what happens when you keep digging and find this third cop? You know they'll come for you then, and I don't know how we're gonna be able to stop them."

She opened her mouth, closed it again in shock. "What are you saying?" she finally asked.

Castle shook his head sadly, sullen eyes matching the defeat in his voice as he spoke. "I'm saying that I don't think we're gonna win this one."

"They killed my _mother_ ," Kate hissed. "What do you want me to do here?"

This was it. The moment he'd been dreading since Jim walked out of the loft less than twelve hours earlier.

"Walk away," he said, and the ensuing silence was deafening. "They're gonna kill you, Kate."

She was on her feet in an instant and Castle stood as well, hastily backing away from his chair as she rounded the desk. But she didn't stop, met every backwards step of his with a step of her own until he was backed into the corner of her office with nowhere to go.

He'd never seen her so angry. Not even when he'd reopened this case in the first place.

She stared at him coolly, and when she finally spoke, there was ice in her voice. "Is this what you meant when you promised to help me?" Kate asked. "When you promised to be by my side the whole time?"

"Kate…"

"I thought you were my partner," she seethed. "I thought we were…" she trailed off.

"We were what?" Castle challenged.

She took a step back, shook her head. "You know what, it doesn't matter what we were. What we are now is over." She jabbed a finger towards the door of her office. "Now get out."

* * *

Kate was seated at her desk late that evening, surrounded by piles upon piles of paper, when her phone rang. Again. But unlike the previous twenty-four calls, this one wasn't from Castle.

She answered on the first ring. "Beckett."

"Kate," a familiar voice rang over the line.

"Commander Montgomery."

"I've been doing a bit of digging," he explained. "And I think we have a lead."

"What did you find?"

"Not over the phone," he stated. "And not at headquarters. Meet me outside the Staten Island Ferry Terminal."

Kate was already rising, closing her laptop and reaching for her jacket. "I'll be there in half an hour."

She pocketed her phone and keys, nearly slammed into Ryan and Esposito in the doorway of her office as she strode towards the exit.

"Uh, hey boss," Ryan greeted.

Espo raised an eyebrow. "Going somewhere?"

She adjusted the collar of her jacket, made quick work of the zipper. "Montgomery found something. What've you got?"

"Tracked down a guy who worked the records room in '02…" Ryan began.

"Go," she instructed before he could finish, brushing past them in her dash for the elevator. "I'll be back in a couple hours."

* * *

The ferry terminal was nearly deserted when she arrived, pulling the cruiser to a stop next to some parked construction equipment. Montgomery was already there, leaning against the side of the terminal near the docks. She could see the soft clouds of his breath as it met the January air, tugged on her gloves and braced herself for the cold.

Her phone chimed as she stepped out of the car, and she fished it from her pocket as she shut the door.

It was a text from Ryan, and a weight settled like lead over her chest as she read the words spread across the screen.

 _3rd cop_ _–_ _it_ _'_ _s Montgomery!_

Her first instinct was denial. It had to be a mistake. There was no way that this hard-working, upstanding man – the one who found her in the archives and took her under his wing, trained her, made her who she is today – could be involved in the death of her mother.

Her second instinct was anger that he could possibly do such a thing, all the while treating her almost like a daughter.

Her third instinct, as she approached him in the darkness and saw the gun in his right hand, was fear. He didn't have a lead. He'd brought her here to kill her.

Kate pocketed her phone, reached for her own weapon. "Put the gun away, Roy."

"Kate, I'm not going to jail for this. I can't put my family through that."

The sound of tires skidding and brakes squeaking echoed through the silence and they both turned to see a taxi come grinding to a stop. The door opened and a man stepped out, already looking around in sheer panic.

Wait.

She knew that silhouette. She'd know it anywhere, because it had been following her around for the better part of the last year.

She could see the moment he spotted her shadowed figure in the darkness because he took off at a run across the asphalt.

"Beckett," he shouted as he neared. "Kate."

"Castle," she hissed in annoyance and anger. "What the hell are you doing here."

"Ryan called," he panted as he came to a stop next to her. "Told me…" he trailed off, suddenly becoming aware of a second figure hidden in the shadows next to the terminal. Castle glanced at Beckett, at the mystery man, back to Beckett. "What's going on?"

"Castle," a familiar voice greeted as the man stepped out of the shadows.

"Roy?" he asked in confusion. "I thought…" He glanced back to Kate, eyes widening as comprehension dawned. "You're the third cop."

"I was a rookie when it happened," he explained, launching into details of that night, weaving a tale of tragic heroism – how he'd taken what happened and used it to become the best cop he could be, rising through the ranks to Commander and protecting Beckett in the process.

"Did you kill my mother?" she asked the moment his speech came to an end, each word enunciated with perfect clarity. She wasn't interested in his stories. She just wanted the truth.

"No," he answered sincerely. "That was years later. But she died because of what we did that night."

"Then who killed her?"

"I don't know how, but somehow he figured out what we had done," Montgomery explained, though it wasn't an answer. "He could have turned us all in. Instead, he demanded the ransom money. He took that money to become what he is and God forgive me, but that may be my greatest sin."

"Give me the name," Beckett demanded. "You owe me that, Roy."

"No, Kate," he said with a firm shake of his head. "I give you a name, I know you, you'll run straight at it. I might as well shoot you where you stand."

"That's why you brought me here, isn't it?" she asked. "To kill me."

"I brought you here to lure them."

"You baited them?" Beckett asked in shock.

"And now they're coming to kill you," Roy affirmed, "and I'm not gonna let them. I'm gonna end this."

"I'm not going anywhere," she insisted.

"Yes, you are." Montgomery turned to her shadow, grateful beyond belief that he'd shown up. He'd forgotten how stubborn Beckett could be, hadn't entirely considered how difficult it would be to convince her to walk away from him. "Castle, get her out of here."

The author's eyes widened at the command, but an echo of a car door shutting broke through the silence, and before he could stop himself he was stepping up to Kate, taking her gently by the shoulders.

She shook him off easily, approaching her former Captain and speaking with tears choking her voice. "Sir, please, just listen to me. You don't have to do this."

"Castle," Montgomery warned.

Beckett shook his hands off as he caught up to her again, still pleading with her former captain. "No. Please, no," she begged. "I forgive you. I forgive you."

In the distance, a car engine rumbled to life and headlights illuminated the darkness of the abandoned pier.

"Castle, get her out of here now."

This time, he didn't hesitate, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her lithe body, rushing away from the approaching vehicle. She flailed in his arms, kicking and screaming with every step; the sounds emanating from her mouth were heartbreaking but he didn't give in, didn't allow her feet to touch the ground until they were safely around the corner, behind the protection of the construction equipment and her police cruiser.

He finally set her down around the far side of her car, pressing her back against the door with both arms still firmly around her waist. She choked out something that might have been his name and he laid a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.

Around the corner, gunshots rang out. Kate's knees buckled and Castle stepped closer, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into her hair, the words barely audible. "I'm so sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."

She fisted her hands into the sides of his jacket, clung to him in agony as two final shots rang out and a deafening silence descended.

She didn't need to leave Castle's embrace to know what she would find: five men splayed out on the asphalt, dead, including her former mentor and the man who'd been hired to murder her mother.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"I'm sorry," Castle offered as she maneuvered her cruiser back into traffic nearly two hours later. For their earlier fight, for the continued lack of answers, for the loss of her former Captain.

"It's not your fault," she reminded him.

"Well, I'm still sorry."

Kate hummed softly in reply.

"You two were close?" Castle inquired. "You and Roy, I mean."

She nodded absently. "He trained me in homicide. Trained all three of us."

Now it was Castle's turn to offer only a soft noise of reply.

"How did you find me?" she inquired after a long, silent moment.

"Dispatch pinged your cruiser," he answered. "Ryan told me they'd found the third cop and you were meeting with him and to get there as fast as I could."

She nodded thoughtfully but didn't reply, and they traveled the next few blocks in silence.

"Want me to drop you off?" Kate asked eventually.

"Are you going back to the Twelfth?"

She hesitated. All of her leads were gone, leaving her furious yet motivated. But she really just wanted to be alone to mourn the death of her trusted mentor.

The stoplight at the end of the block turned to red and Kate shook her head as she brought the car to a smooth halt. "I'm going home."

"Do you want company?"

She turned to meet Castle's gaze for the first time all night. His eyes were serious but soft, earnest and understanding, and he looked like he was ready to do absolutely anything she asked him to do if it would make her feel better.

This wonderful, kind, selfless man who – she could see now – would do anything to protect her, even if it meant jeopardizing their future together.

"Thanks, Castle, but I'd prefer to be alone."

He merely nodded, but his eyes still searched her face in concern. "If you need anything…"

"I know," she whispered, almost to herself.

The light turned green then and they traveled the remaining distance to his loft in companionable silence. Castle wasn't sure what the morning would bring, if she'd go back to being mad at him once she'd had a chance to sleep and process the events of tonight.

But for tonight, she'd allowed him to be by her side, and he hoped he'd been able to provide her some small measure of comfort.

* * *

By morning, it was almost as though their fight in her office had never happened. She called him just after dawn, and by 9:00 a.m. Castle, Ryan, and Esposito were seated in Kate's living room discussing the best plan of action for continuing to work the case while protecting Montgomery's memory. Castle sat quietly, observing with reverence the deep loyalty and respect all three cops clearly held for the man.

At the funeral two days later, they asked Castle to be a pallbearer. He stood next to Kate while she delivered the eulogy, and despite the tragic circumstances, he'd never felt more a part of the team.

But the feeling was short-lived.

Castle was lost in the eloquent beauty of her words when the glint of sunlight reflecting off something metal caught his eye off in the distance. He blinked, thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him, but it flashed again.

His writer's mind scrambled for an explanation, and the moment it dawned Castle reacted, diving for his partner.

"Kate," he shouted.

But her body had already tensed by the time they tumbled to the ground together, Kate falling to her back on the wet grass with Castle hovering over her. Her eyes were wide with shock and blood was already spilling onto her uniform, it's sticky warmth coating Castle's hand as he pressed it against her chest in a hopeless attempt to stop the bleeding.

No.

This couldn't be happening. He didn't save her from the other bullets, weasel and charm and annoy his way into her life, only to watch her bleed out in his arms.

This couldn't be the way their story ended. There was so much they hadn't gotten to do yet.

"Castle," she mouthed, the syllables sticking on her tongue.

"Kate, please," he pleaded, gently cradling her head in his other hand. Overhead the sun was bright, shining down on them far too intensely for a winter day.

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, trailed down to splatter against the grass, mixing with the dew.

Castle leaned down, rested his forehead against hers and allowed their tears to mingle. "Stay with me, Kate," he whispered desperately. "Don't leave me, please. Stay with me."

Despite his pleading, Kate felt her eyes begin to close. She was trying so hard, clinging to his words, but everything was going numb and darkness was crawling in around the edges of her consciousness.

The last thing she heard was Castle's voice, eerily reminiscent of the first time she thought she'd never see him again. Only this time, she knew without a doubt that his words were utter truth.

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

* * *

The ambulance flew down the road, picking up speed, and Castle found himself drowning in a sea of panic. He'd been pushed away by the medics, shoved to the back corner of the ambulance as they hovered around her. She was already hooked up to so many tubes and machines in the desperate fight to keep her alive.

But her eyes hadn't reopened, she hadn't moved, and she'd lost so much blood.

Some of it still stained his hands, and he wished there was a way to put it back inside of her. She needed it. She was dying.

Castle pushed the thought away. He couldn't lose her. He didn't even have her, not yet, but he couldn't lose her. There was no way this could be the end. Not when they hadn't truly had a chance to be what he knew they could be.

A tear found its way out of the corner of his eye, traced a path down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away. Couldn't. Not with her blood staining his hands.

Unbidden, his mind flashed back to that day fourteen months earlier – the day the situation had been reversed and he was the one whose life was fading away.

 _"_ _You saved my life Mr. Castle. Why?"_

 _The words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them._ _"_ _Because I love you."_

 _They weren_ _'_ _t exactly_ _untrue. He_ _'_ _d fallen for her in tho_ _se few short days. He_ _'_ _d fallen hard and he'd fallen fast. It was weird, because he wasn't usually so open, so instantly smitten. But from the moment he met her, he'd had a strange sense that he was in love with her. It was almost as though he'd somehow stepped into one of the fictional worlds he'd created. That must have been what happened, because love at first sight wasn't real. Was it?_

 _Fictional or not, though,_ _as he was lying on that cold, hard floor, pain burning through his chest, one thing was clear in his mind; if he was going to die, she needed to know how he felt._

The soft touch of another hand on his own startled him and Castle lifted watery eyes to find Lanie crouching next to him, looking distraught. One of the EMT's had taken over CPR, leaving the ME sitting uselessly in the corner as well.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, cheeks wet with tears.

"I just…" Castle choked out, "she can't…"

"I know," Lanie murmured. "I know."

There was nothing more to say after that, and even if there was, Castle was completely devoid of words.

She had to be okay.

She had to be.

There was no other option.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Castle had lost track of how long he'd been sitting in the hospital waiting room when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He fished out the device to find a photo of his daughter shining back at him from the screen.

"Alexis," he greeted.

"Are you kidding me?" The words rang shrilly in his ear.

"Nice to hear from you too," he answered, ignoring the menace in her voice.

"You tried to jump in front of a bullet for her again?"

"Pumpkin…"

"No, don't _Pumpkin_ me," she snapped. "I can't believe you. Once wasn't enough?"

"I…"

"Do you even think?" she asked rhetorically. "Or do you just do whatever the hell you want with no regard for the consequences?"

"What was I supposed to do? Stand there and watch?" he retorted.

"You could have been at home writing like you're supposed to be," she suggested angrily. "You know, your actual job."

"I was at a funeral," Castle pointed out. "We weren't working a case."

"Of course you were," his daughter insisted. "You're always working that case."

"We were at a funeral," he reiterated.

"Whatever."

"Look, I get that you're upset…" he began.

"Do you?" Alexis asked, voice harsh on the other end of the line. "Or have you forgotten what you put your family through when you were the one lying in that hospital bed?"

"I will never forget that," Castle said icily. He was so sick of fighting with his daughter but he also wasn't about to have her discount his love for his family. "And might I remind you that I watched Kate die a few hours ago, so don't even pretend for a second that I don't understand the seriousness of this situation."

"She…died?" Alexis voiced in horror, the anger all but gone from her voice in an instant. "Gram said…"

"She's alive," he corrected, recalling the last update they'd received; that she was alive but very tentatively so, and they were working on patching her up. He was taking the lack of news since then to mean she was still hanging on. "But she was bleeding out right in front of me."

Castle glanced down at his right hand and his stomach churned at the memory. He'd scrubbed it clean for a solid ten minutes, but he could still feel the ghost of her blood on his skin.

The voice in his ear lifted him from the awful memory. "Is she…okay?"

"I don't know," he answered. "She's still in surgery."

"Oh." Alexis paused. "I'm, uh, sorry for yelling."

"You're scared," Castle acknowledged.

"I am," she admitted.

"I was too," he confessed. Still was, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud.

"I'm still mad at you," she added, though her voice was calm now.

"I know."

"I hope she's okay."

"Me too," Castle admitted heavily. He knew he wouldn't be able to eat or sleep until he saw her with his own two eyes, alive and in one piece. He had no idea how long it'd been since he'd done either one of those things. Hell, he didn't even know what day it was anymore.

All he knew with certainty was that he'd left his heart behind the moment they wheeled the gurney away from him in the hospital hallway. And that if she didn't pull through, he'd never be whole again.

"Well, I guess, let me know what happens," Alexis offered unevenly.

He nodded though she couldn't see it. "I will. Bye, sweetie."

"Bye, Dad."

* * *

Castle was slumped over in a hard, plastic chair, drifting in and out of a restless sleep, when a gentle hand on his shoulder roused him. He lifted his head, cringing at the kink in his neck. That was gonna hurt for a few days.

"Rick." It was Jim Beckett.

He blinked a few times, ran a hand through his hair and glanced around in confusion. "I, uh…" Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito were nowhere to be found. "How long was I out?"

"Couple of hours," Jim guessed with a shrug.

Castle cleared his throat. "Any news?"

Kate's father offered the faintest whisper of a smile. "She's awake."

* * *

His first thought was that she looked small. So fragile and pale, especially beneath the harsh fluorescent lights and surrounded by a large and colorful array of flowers.

But she was alive, and it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

"Hey, Castle." Kate's voice was hoarse, but it was undoubtedly her, and he felt the fist around his heart unclench slightly.

Castle couldn't tear his eyes away from her as he crossed the room, gaze glued to her pastel skin, the sharp angles of her cheekbones. "Hey."

"You're staring at me," she murmured self-consciously. "I must look really bad."

"No," he breathed with a slight shake of his head. His heart was racing in a confusing mixture of adrenaline, nervousness, and love as he sank into the chair next to her bedside. "I just never thought I'd see you again."

Kate turned her head towards him slightly, but even that small movement sent a jab of pain through her body. She winced and Castle reached out, covered her hand with his own, the pad of his thumb gently caressing her knuckles.

"How're you feeling?"

"Awful," she answered truthfully; her voice was meek, so different from her usual commanding dialect. "Everything hurts."

"Can I get you anything?" he offered. "Water, juice? I can go buy you some soup if the doctors will let you eat it, or I can find you a deck of cards or a book or movies or…"

"Castle," Kate called softly, interrupting his babbling.

She cautiously twined her fingers with his, and Castle's gaze dropped to their joined hands, marveling at how perfectly they fit together. She had a lot of healing to do, he knew; even so, he couldn't suppress the thought of how incredible they were going to be once that wall finally came down.

"It wasn't your fault, you know," Kate reassured him.

Castle lifted sad eyes to her face. "I never should have reopened this case."

"Without you, I never would've made it this far."

He dropped his gaze again, couldn't meet her eyes, and when he finally spoke the words left his mouth in a strained whisper. "Without me, you wouldn't have gotten shot."

"Rick." Her rare use of his first name pulled his eyes back up. "I'm the one who chose to re-open it. I'm the one who kept digging."

"But if I hadn't…"

"Castle," Kate interrupted again. She didn't have the energy to argue right now, or to talk him down from his guilt. Just having him here, gazing at her with so much pain and love in his eyes, was overwhelming. "I can't do this right now."

"Of course, I'm sorry."

They fell into a companionable silence for a few minutes, Kate's eyes slipping shut periodically and Castle simply keeping her company, fingers still twined with hers.

After a few minutes, her breathing deepened and he could feel her hand relax within the confines of his. He leaned forward, resting his head on the bed next to their joined hands, and allowed the weight of his exhaustion to pull him under at last.

* * *

Castle finally left the hospital the following morning, very much in need of a shower and a change of clothes.

He washed and dressed himself quickly before heading to the precinct for the first time since before Montgomery's funeral. It was different, being there without her. The entire building seemed darker and quieter in Beckett's absence. Her office sat empty, laptop and papers on her desk along with a couple old coffee mugs…as though she'd walk in and take a seat at any moment.

Castle forced himself to look away. He wasn't here to mope. He was here to help Ryan and Esposito track down the monster who put a bullet in her chest.

But so far, they had nothing. The shooter had vanished into thin air amidst the chaos, there were no fingerprints left behind on the weapon, and the traces of DNA they'd managed to recover didn't match anything in the system. No one had been able to provide a useful description of the man – who'd apparently been dressed as a groundskeeper – and traffic cam footage hadn't given them anything to work with either.

They were nowhere.

Castle trudged out of the precinct well after midnight, arriving home and falling into a fitful slumber, his dreams painted with images of Kate lying in the grass, Kate bleeding out in the ambulance, Kate pale as a ghost and with haunted eyes as she lay in that hospital bed, clinging on for dear life.

He woke the next morning feeling worse than when he'd gone to bed.

* * *

"Ocean view from my patio!" Castle exclaimed, holding up his phone to reveal a beachfront photograph as he took up residence in the chair next to Kate's bed later that afternoon. "It does not get better than this."

"What's this?" she asked weakly, standing the plastic spoon into her pudding cup and setting it aside. She wasn't hungry anyway, didn't have the energy to keep eating even if she was.

"My house in the Hamptons," He explained. "I was just thinking…you're gonna need someplace to recover and obviously you can't be on your own."

Oh, no. This couldn't possibly be going where it sounded like it was going.

"What better place to recover than on the beach?" Castle asked, as though the choice was obvious. "Sunshine, sand, and solitude. You'd have your own space and I'd be there if you need anything."

"It's January," she pointed out, unable to come up with a better explanation for why she absolutely was _not_ going to spend time recovering at his beach house once she left the hospital. "Not exactly beach weather."

"Details. So, what do you say?"

Kate opened her mouth to speak, closed it again. "I, uh…" she stammered.

A part of her really wanted to say yes. The same part of her that'd been wanting to say yes to him for the better part of the last year.

But she wasn't going to.

Because the part of her that was absolutely, irrevocably in love with him wanted to flee, put as much space as possible between the two of them while she recovered. She wasn't about to let Castle see her cry or flinch in pain or struggle with the most basic of tasks. And she certainly wasn't ready to talk about what he'd said to her in the cemetery.

She didn't want to say no. But there was no way she could say yes.

"Think about it," Castle suggested, saving her from the need to say any more.

Kate nodded half-heartedly.

He pocketed his phone, leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "How are you feeling today?"

"About the same."

"Do you need anything?"

She shook her head.

They fell into silence then, nothing more to say. He wasn't going to bring up the case – or, rather, the lack thereof – and he knew her well enough to know that any discussion of what happened in the cemetery was out of the question right now.

She needed to rest, she needed to heal, and for now, just being here with her was enough.

* * *

When Jim Beckett arrived at the hospital two hours later, he found Castle still seated next to Kate. He'd turned his chair so it was parallel to the bed. His crossed ankles were propped on the mattress near her hip, and her hand was linked with his and resting in his lap as they absently stared at the television.

"Hey, Dad," she murmured, retrieving her hand.

"Katie," he greeted, and if he'd noticed their physical contact, he didn't provide any indication. "Rick."

"Jim," Castle welcomed, already rising to his feet and turning the chair back around, reaching for his jacket.

"You don't have to leave," Kate's father assured the author.

"No, no," Castle asserted. "I, uh, need to head home anyway."

Jim lingered in the doorway, giving them some space as Castle slipped his arms into his jacket, turned back to Kate.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Is it okay if you don't?"

She hated herself the moment the words left her mouth, but she couldn't deal with this right now. She needed space. A lot of space. His words as she lay on the ground hadn't left her mind since she'd woken from surgery the previous evening, and now he'd offered her his beach house and his caregiving skills while she recovered.

"I just need a little bit of time," Kate explained feebly.

"Sure, sure," he agreed easily, and a jab of pain shot through her heart, this one completely unrelated to the bullet hole. Castle was so open, so willing to do anything for her, regardless of any pain it might cause him.

How did she ever deserve him?

"How much time?" he asked, drawing her from her thoughts.

Kate closed her eyes, couldn't bring herself to meet his kind gaze. "I'll call you, okay?"

He nodded in assent, bent down and fluttered his lips against her forehead. "If you need anything..."

"Thanks, Castle," she murmured, eyes still firmly closed.

She knew his reply before the word left his mouth, and what little remained of her tattered heart splintered apart in her chest.

"Always."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Where's Castle?"

"I don't know."

Lanie raised an eyebrow, not the slightest bit convinced.

"I don't keep tabs on him 24/7," Kate protested, wincing as the skin around her incision scar pulsed in agony. She was so sick of not being able to make it through a conversation without sharp stabs of pain piercing through the persistent ache that had settled over her entire upper body.

"Kate," Lanie murmured, gentler this time. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she promised. "I just…sent him away for a while."

"A while?"

"Until I can recover."

"You realize that's gonna take months."

"I told him I need some time."

"And he was okay with that?"

She shrugged, an awkward, stiff movement.

"You didn't see him in that ambulance, Kate," Lanie stated matter-of-factly. "He looked like his entire world was falling apart."

"Lanie, I can't right now, okay?" Kate protested weakly. "I just can't."

The ME squeezed her friend's hand, and when she spoke it was gentle, not an accusation. "Something happened."

Kate closed her eyes and a lone tear slipped from the corner, glided down her cheek. She was so sick of crying, but it seemed to be all she could manage anymore.

"He told me he loves me," she whispered, eyes slowly sliding open. "Again. It's the last thing I remember."

"Well, it's not like you didn't already know that," Lanie offered gently.

Kate huffed a sigh, tensed as another jab of pain shot through her chest. She hated this. She hurt everywhere, but the pain in her heart was as much from the bullet as from the knowledge that she was hurting Castle by pushing him away.

"That's not the point," she gritted between clenched teeth.

"Then what is?"

"I can't separate the two in my mind," Kate admitted. Another tear escaped, but her whole body hurt too much for her to lift a hand to wipe it away. "I can't even think about him without it all coming flooding back and then I panic and I can't breathe and I just…" her voice broke on the last few words and she trailed off with a grimace as she tried and failed to suck in a breath.

"It's okay," Lanie soothed, resting a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder. "Take a breath. In and out. It's okay. In and out."

Lanie's voice grounded her, reminding her to breathe as she softly repeated the words, and after a few minutes Kate was feeling slightly calmer.

"He wants me to go to his house in the Hamptons," she finally admitted.

"Once you're recovered?"

Kate shook her head. "While I recover."

Lanie nodded to herself. It was all making sense now. Castle wanted to take care of her. She wanted to be alone. So she'd sent him away.

"I don't want him to see me like this," Kate confessed, her voice a weak, broken thing.

"Oh, sweetie," Lanie whispered, her heart breaking for her friend.

"What if he doesn't…" Kate trailed off, the words caught in her throat. It had been her deepest fear since the moment he walked into her hospital room yesterday, and she couldn't bring herself to lend voice to the words.

"That man loves you more than I've ever seen a person love anyone," Lanie reminded her.

Kate shook her head, hair smudging against the white fabric of the pillows. "Not like this."

"Yeah, he does."

"Lanie…"

The ME held up a hand, putting an end to Kate's protest. "I'm not saying you should go," Lanie began. "But don't cut him out completely."

Kate closed her eyes, tossed her friend's words around in her head. Maybe Lanie was right.

"Talk to him, Kate," the ME murmured as she stood to leave. "Even if it's just to tell him what you just told me. He deserves to know."

Kate nodded, eyes still closed. She was so tired, could already feel the pull of sleep dragging her under again.

"I will," she conceded.

But even as she spoke the words, she knew they were a lie.

There was no way she could face him right now.

* * *

With Kate's desire for space, Castle's days were now spent almost entirely at the precinct with Ryan and Espo, working tirelessly to track down her sniper. He couldn't write, couldn't bring himself to compose anything remotely cheerful for Nikki and Rook when Kate was recovering from an attempt on her life.

So he threw himself into the case.

But then the interim captain arrived – Victoria Gates, a captain from Internal Affairs – and Castle's precinct involvement was quickly terminated. They called her 'Iron Gates' and he could understand why. In the one conversation they'd had – the one in which she called him a 'dilettante writer playing cop' and kicked him out of the Twelfth – he hadn't found a single redeeming quality.

Castle continued to help from a distance as best he could, eventually suggesting that they try to track down the money trail from the ransom payments that had been given to whomever was behind this whole operation. So Ryan and Esposito showed up at the loft one night with files and they spent the evening pouring over bank statements and financial records; it was well after midnight when they identified an account number to which funds had been transferred by all three renegade cops years earlier.

But a more extensive search at the precinct the next morning revealed that the bank had closed not long after and the files had been relocated to an old warehouse. A warehouse that burned down, seemingly by accident.

"Damn it," Castle cursed, pounding a fist into his desk when Espo called to tell him the bad news.

This case had been nothing but dead ends, and whoever was behind it all seemed to have extensive access to the money and resources necessary to cover his tracks.

One dead end morphed into another, and after weeks with no new leads, Captain Gates shut down the investigation.

So Ryan and Espo passed all the files along to Castle, who turned his storyboard into a makeshift murder board, laying out the facts electronically and spending hours poring over every piece of information they'd gathered, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

The fact that he was slowly disappearing into this case, much the way Kate once had, wasn't lost on him.

But there was someone out there who wanted her dead, and Castle wasn't going to stop looking until they found him.

* * *

Forty-five days after he'd walked out of her hospital room, Castle's phone buzzed with a text. From Kate.

 _I miss you_ , it read.

A second text arrived shortly after.

 _I_ _'_ _m sorry it took me this long to tell you._

His heart simultaneously fluttered and stumbled.

A month and a half. He hadn't heard a word from her in a month and a half. Forty-five days and nights he'd spent with no idea where she was or how she was doing, and there'd been days where he'd sat and stared at his phone for longer than he'd ever admit, willing it to ring.

He hadn't expected her request for 'a little bit of time' to stretch this long. And though he'd long since accepted that she clearly hadn't wanted to recover in the Hamptons with him, part of him was still angry that rather than just say no, she'd chosen to completely cut him out.

He'd never hated that damn wall around her heart more than he did right now.

On the other hand, he missed her terribly. An emptiness had settled over his heart the day he walked out of her hospital room, and he'd also never admit to the number of hours he'd spent staring at her picture, clinging to the memories of her voice, her smile, her touch, the feel of her lips on his.

It just hurt so damn much.

But she was reaching out to him now, and he wasn't about to start a fight. Not when this was her first communication in weeks.

Right now, he needed to know how she was doing.

They could fight about everything else later.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

After their initial conversation, texts from Kate became an almost daily occurrence. He learned that she was at her Dad's house in White Plains, that she was in cardiac rehab and physical therapy, and that she was seeing a therapist so she could process everything that happened and clear her psych evaluation when she returned to the city.

Something in his chest loosened slightly at that. Confirmation that she was healing. That she was really going to be okay. Castle knew the knot in his chest wouldn't un-clench completely until he actually saw her, but this was a start.

One evening, she even admitted to the recurring nightmares; the same ones that had been plaguing Castle's sleep ever since that day in the cemetery. He blamed her honesty on the late hour and the distance between them. But it only seemed right that he replied with honesty of his own, and in some twisted way the knowledge that they were both suffering from these horrible dreams made the chasm between them seem a little less vast.

Over the course of the next three weeks, they talked about a little of everything, but despite his efforts to steer their conversations away from her shooting Castle was finally forced to admit that they'd come up empty and that the investigation had been shut down.

He didn't hear from her for the rest of the day after that particular reveal.

On the other end of the phone, Kate was waging an internal battle day in and day out. She'd spent the first couple weeks after surgery in the hospital and had been holed up at her dad's house ever since. He'd taken time off work to care for her until she was strong enough to get through the day without assistance. But she was regaining her strength now, and her dad had gone back to work a few days ago.

Aside from her father and various medical professionals, the only person she'd seen and spoken to since leaving the hospital was Lanie. They'd had a couple phone conversations and Lanie had come by for a few hours one afternoon.

But aside from that, Kate was alone with her thoughts most of the time.

Texting Castle helped. She'd hesitated for almost a full day before sending that first message, worried he'd be upset at how long she'd waited to contact him. But he seemed happy to hear from her, and every time her phone vibrated with the arrival of a message, she found herself smiling.

She really did miss him.

She wasn't ready to face everything just yet. She still had nightmares, still suffered the occasional panic attack, still struggled to separate his wonderful words from the horrible events of that day. She wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone other than her therapist, and she certainly wasn't at the point where she could say it back.

But texting with him helped, and with each passing day she was feeling more ready.

Ready to get back to the city.

Ready to get back to work.

Ready to see Castle again.

* * *

When Kate finally ventured back to Manhattan eighty-nine days after Castle walked out of her hospital room for the last time, she went straight to the loft.

The early spring air was melting away the remnants of winter, and Kate fiddled with the open zipper of her jacket as she entered his building for the first time in over three months. She shoved her hands in her pockets as the elevator climbed to the top floor, willing her palms to stop sweating, her still fragile heart to calm its rapid tattoo against the wall of her chest.

The doors parted with a ding and Kate exited the elevator, forcing one foot in front of the other and eventually coming to a stop outside the loft.

She hesitated, hand hovering a few inches from the buzzer.

She was simultaneously nervous and excited, worried about his reaction and also her own. Everything she'd been planning to say seemed to have floated away, and her courage was rapidly disintegrating.

Kate took a deep breath, steeled herself, and depressed the button with two fingers before she could talk herself out of it.

The ensuing silence was agonizing, stretching unbearably as she strained to detect the sound of footsteps, movement, anything on the other side of the door.

Maybe he wasn't home.

She was just reaching for the buzzer again when the soft rhythm of footsteps appeared, growing gradually louder until the door to the loft swung open to reveal Castle, dressed down into sweatpants and a t-shirt and looking a little more exhausted than she remembered.

His blue eyes widened in surprise. She hadn't told him she was coming, in case she'd talked herself out of it on the way, and he clearly wasn't expecting to see her.

"Kate, hi," he breathed, shock and relief filling his voice.

"Hey, Castle," she greeted, a tentative smile tugging at her lips.

He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated. She was alive, and she looked more battered than normal but still so beautiful, and he had so many questions, and there were just so many feelings.

How was it that this woman could fill him with words yet render him incapable of speaking any of them?

Kate quirked an eyebrow. "Castle?"

He finally blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Can I…hug you?"

She cocked her head. "Since when do you ask permission to invade my personal space?"

Castle huffed a broken sound that might have been a laugh. "Without hurting you, I mean."

Kate took a step closer, extended her arms with a warm smile, and Castle came to her easily, arms wrapping around her shoulders, his large body dwarfing hers. She was in flats rather than heels and he used their height difference to his advantage, tucking her into the cove of his body.

And for the first time in three months, he felt the tight knot in his chest begin to untangle.

Kate hugged him back, looping her arms around Castle's lower back, nestling her forehead into the curve of his neck and just breathing him in. She'd forgotten how wonderful it felt to fall into him, let him surround her.

She wished it could be this easy to just completely let go and let it happen.

But she still had a wall, and now she had a hole in her chest and scars marring her skin and someone who wanted her dead.

Why did it feel like their future was getting farther away rather than closer?

* * *

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered as they finally separated. "I shouldn't have pushed you away."

Castle hesitated. He wanted to be angry. Two months of radio silence, of her completely shutting him out when all he'd wanted was to be there for her. Sure, she'd texted him eventually, but that didn't erase the pain of her silence. He had every right to be angry.

But as she stood here in front of him now, he just couldn't muster up the emotion.

"I'm just glad you're okay," he finally answered.

She nodded slowly.

"You are, right?"

Kate cocked her head.

"Okay, I mean," Castle clarified. "You're healed?"

"Mostly," she answered truthfully. Her chest still ached at times and her scars tugged when she moved too quickly. She wasn't at one hundred percent just yet. But physically, she'd been cleared to return to work. And the tightness in her chest had lessened noticeably in the last two minutes.

Mentally, she was feeling more stable too; fewer nightmares, fewer panic attacks. The sunlight was no longer too bright and she no longer flinched at every shadow or cowered at every noise. She hadn't actually passed her psych eval yet, but she was confident she would.

"You're going back to the precinct?"

"On Monday." Kate lifted her eyes to his, wide and hopeful. "You're coming with me?"

"Of course."

"Good," she replied with a smile. "Because I have a case to re-open and I could really use my partner's help on it."

Castle bit back any response. He knew her well enough that this wasn't a surprise, but he'd been hoping she'd take a step back, settle in before diving back into the investigation. He also knew that there was no point in trying to convince her otherwise.

And if she was stubborn enough to jump right back into this, well, he was stupid enough to go with her.

But that didn't mean he had to like it.

* * *

"So I pulled the report on the fire from records." Espo came to a stop in front of Kate's desk the following Tuesday, passed her a folder adorned with the FDNY logo. She'd passed her psych eval the day before and was settling back into the precinct with her usual confidence and strength seemingly fully intact. "Check the date."

Beckett consulted the file, mouth falling open as her eyes skimmed the page. "That warehouse burned down three weeks after my mom's murder."

"That can't be a coincidence," Castle insisted. "Someone was destroying evidence."

"But the investigator ruled it an accident," Beckett pointed out as she continued to read through the report. "And there's nothing to suggest arson."

"Maybe someone altered it," Ryan suggested. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"There's an easy way to find out," Castle offered, index finger indicating a specific line on the front page of the document. "Just ask the man who wrote the report. Rod Halstead."

"Unless they got to him too."

Espo shook his head. "He's alive and on the job."

Beckett lifted her head, offered a gentle smile to her three partners. It helped immensely, knowing she was surrounded with people who had her back and were willing to invest in this with her. "Thanks, guys." She turned to Castle. "Let's go."

* * *

Castle was fairly certain it wasn't a coincidence when his phone rang with a call from a blocked number less than six hours after their (useless and somewhat disastrous) encounter with Rod Halstead.

The man on the other end spoke in a deep voice and identified himself only as Smith. He was an old friend of Montgomery's he claimed; a friend who owed Roy his life. A friend who was repaying the favor by holding on to some files from Montgomery. Files that, if made public, would implicate the man behind Beckett's shooting and Johanna's murder.

But Smith had struck a deal with the man. He refused to divulge any details to Castle, other than to say that Kate would be safe so long as she stopped investigating the case. And that it was Castle's job to keep her away from it.

They hadn't gotten anything out of Halstead. But clearly whomever was on the other end of this deal was connected enough to know that she'd resumed the investigation.

Which left Castle with the awful task of having to once again confront her and ask her to walk away from this case.

Of course, there was the small detail that the last time they'd had this conversation, they were searching for the man behind her mother's murder and now they were looking for the man who'd also tried to kill _her_.

He didn't foresee this going well at all.

But maybe he could at least find a way to hold her off for a while. Until he found something concrete from his behind-the-scenes investigations.

He wasn't about to watch her get shot a second time.

* * *

"Hey," Castle greeted, extending a coffee to Kate as he strode into her office the next morning.

"Hey." She took the proffered beverage, smiling as their hands brushed during the exchange. After three months without Castle making her coffee every day, she was realizing how much she'd missed this tradition they'd long ago settled into.

"What're you working on?"

She held up the stack of papers in her other hand. "Halstead."

Castle settled into his chair. "Anything?"

Kate plunked her coffee cup onto her desk with more force than was probably necessary. "Not so far. He's got multiple commendations, no financial problems, and there doesn't seem to be anything suspicious in his phone records. But I've only made it back a couple years."

"You know, there's a chance he really is clean," the author suggested tentatively. "And that the fire really was an accident."

"It wasn't an accident," Kate asserted. "I know it wasn't an accident."

Castle set his coffee aside as well. "You can't know that."

"I can," she insisted, volume of her voice increasing as she spoke. "Because if this was an accident, then I've got nowhere to start. If this was an accident, then I've got nothing."

"Kate…" Castle reached across the desk, covered her hand in his own to coax her eyes up to his; when she finally met his gaze, he could see the fear and anguish beneath the barely-stifled tears.

She blinked hard, forced her emotions away and slipped her hand from beneath Castle's. She couldn't handle the loving concern in his eyes or the tenderness of his touch right now.

"You know, Lanie told me what this case did to you the first time around," he offered after a long moment. "How you fell in and couldn't climb out."

"Yeah, well, I didn't have any leads then," she answered, suppressing her annoyance at Lanie for divulging this piece of her past without permission.

"We don't have any now," Castle stated bluntly.

"We'll find one. And I'm fine," she deflected.

"No, you're not," he shot back, and Kate lifted her head sharply. It wasn't like him to be so direct. "And you know you're not. You've been back three days and already you're in a free fall."

"You gonna tell me to walk away again?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms over her chest.

"No," Castle answered with a shake of his head. As much as he wanted to do precisely that, he knew it would be futile. "I'm just saying, give it time."

"Castle, if I don't do this, that wall is never gonna come down."

"It will," he assured her. "I promise you, we'll figure this out. We're gonna find them, and we're gonna make them pay. Just not today."

He could tell the moment the will to fight left her. She sagged down, dropping her head back against her chair and sighing heavily.

"You've been back for three days," he reminded her gently. "This isn't gonna happen overnight."

After a long moment, Kate lifted her head, met his eyes with a nod of acceptance. "You're right."

Castle offered a tight smile in reply.

Kate set the Rod Halstead file aside, opened her laptop and pulled up her email instead; hundreds of unread messages still sat in her inbox, accumulating while she was away.

Castle sat back, crossing one leg over the opposite ankle and busying himself with his coffee while silently brainstorming additional strategies for when she decided to start digging again.

Because it was a _when_ , not an _if_ , he knew. This was a temporary solution at best, and it was far from ideal.

But it would have to be enough for now.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

With Kate back at the precinct and back in his life, Castle finally found himself able to start writing again. He'd fallen far behind on his manuscript for _Naked Heat_ , and he'd lost count of the number of emails and calls from Gina he'd ignored over the last three months.

But his words were coming back to him now, and though he and Kate seemed to be toeing a tentative line in their…whatever their relationship was, it was enough to inspire the remainder of Nikki and Rook's current adventures. A much happier version that his recent reality.

They still hadn't talked about what happened in the cemetery. Any of it. He was fairly certain she remembered the events of that day in their entirety. After all, she'd admitted to the nightmares and to seeing a therapist.

And the first time she'd had a gun pulled on her, had to pull her gun on the suspect, she'd frozen. When Castle confronted her about it later, she'd brushed him off. But she'd spent the rest of the day flinching at the smallest of movements and the softest of noises; Castle had done enough book research to recognize the signs of PTSD when he saw them.

The second time she'd had to pull her gun two weeks later, her voice was calm and her hands were steady, and Castle was reminded once again how incredibly strong and resilient she was.

Yet at times, she seemed softer now too. More open. She hadn't shared many details of her recovery, still keeping that aspect of her life firmly fenced off. But her smiles were wider, her laughs fuller, and her eyes revealed more than they ever had before. She touched him more, too; brushes of her hand as she walked by, shoulders bumping as they stood at the murder board, the backs of their hands nudging as they walked side by side.

He didn't want to get his hopes up, but Castle couldn't help but feel that the wall around her heart was slowly but surely starting to crumble.

* * *

By the end of the month, a rough draft of _Naked Heat_ was submitted to Black Pawn, the case load at the Twelfth was in a temporary lull, and production of the _Heat Wave_ movie was beginning.

And – though he'd never admit that it played a role in his decision – Kate was steadier now and keeping true to their agreement to leave her case unopened for the time being, so he felt okay about leaving her alone for a few days.

Plus, Ryan had promised to keep an eye on her and call if anything came up.

So Castle hopped on a plane and jetted out to LA, both to visit the _Heat Wave_ set and spend a few days with Alexis. The ice between them had thawed considerably since the angry phone conversation in the hospital waiting room but he hadn't actually _seen_ his daughter since then and he really just wanted everything between them to be okay again.

She greeted him at the airport, blue eyes shining and brunette hair falling down her back in gentle waves. He still wasn't entirely used to her not being a redhead but he'd grown to like the dark brown as well.

"Hey, Pumpkin," he murmured, pulling her into his arms and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Hey, Dad."

Alexis lived with a roommate and didn't have an extra bedroom, and Castle had no intention of staying with Meredith – despite her invitations – so he'd booked a hotel for the week.

He and Alexis kept up a steady conversation on the drive from the airport, slightly stilted at first but eventually settling into a comfortable rhythm that they maintained all the way through dinner and the drive back to his hotel. Alexis was still enjoying LA, excelling at her job, and just generally thriving, and though they'd had a rocky few years, he was still so damn proud of her.

His first full day in LA was spent at Zenith Studios, where he chatted with Tony and the rest of the production crew, watched them rehearse a couple scenes, and met the two actors who had morphed into far too accurate (and creepy) versions of Ryan and Espo.

After fulfilling his obligations on set, Castle spent the remainder of the trip with Alexis; they walked down Hollywood Boulevard, went to the beach, visited her office, met Meredith for lunch, and by the end of day five, it was almost as though the last four years had never happened.

As though the two of them were an unorthodox little family again.

* * *

"Castle."

"It's Ryan," said the voice on the other end of the line. "You gotta come back."

Castle's heart plummeted. "What happened?" he asked, holding up a hand to Alexis, indicating he needed to take this call.

"There was a break-in."

"Beckett…"

"No," Ryan affirmed. "Not her place. Roy Montgomery's house."

"His wife and kids?" Castle asked in a panic.

"They're fine," the detective assured him. "But the guy who broke in…" Ryan paused and Castle could almost picture him consulting his notes to make sure he got the name right, "…Orlando Costas. Stole his laptop, a bunch of files, and some photo albums."

"Photo albums?" Castle questioned.

"Castle, that's not all."

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"He was murdered."

"Costas?"

"Shooter made off with everything he stole," Ryan continued.

Castle could feel his heartbeat accelerate. Something wasn't adding up here. He took two steps away from his daughter, turned his back and spoke in a low voice. "What aren't you telling me."

"We got a DNA match on the shooter."

His heart sank and he dropped his forehead into his free hand, already knowing Ryan's answer before he asked the question.

"Match to whom?"

"Beckett's sniper."

"Shit," Castle cursed after a long silence.

"We have a face," Ryan added. "No ID yet."

"But she's chasing him?" Castle asked.

"Hasn't left the precinct in twenty-four hours," Ryan confirmed.

"I'll be on the next flight back."

Castle pressed the button to end the call only to have his phone vibrate again in his palm, this time from an unknown number.

He swiped the answer button, raised the phone back to his ear. "Hello?"

"I think you know why I'm calling, Mr. Castle."

"It's you. Thank God." He almost breathed a sigh of relief at the ominous sound of Smith's voice. Almost. "What the hell's going on? Why did they break into Montgomery's place?"

"Oh, most likely it's a cleanup job. Making sure that Montgomery had nothing else incriminating in his files," Smith answered. "As long as Beckett drops her investigation, we still hold all the cards."

"She's already onto it," Castle stated. "She's not gonna let go."

"Then we have a problem."

Yes. Yes, they did.

* * *

Castle hung up the phone for the second time, slowly lowering the device and shoving it into his back pocket. He took a moment to compose himself before turning back to Alexis, only to find himself face to face with his daughter's disapproving glare.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry but I have to go," he began. "I have to get back to New York."

"Beckett needs you?" she asked, though it wasn't really a question.

"Actually, that was detective Ryan," he explained. "Beckett's sniper resurfaced."

Alexis raised an eyebrow. "And, what?" she asked. "They can't find him without you?"

"Alexis," Castle began.

"No, I get it," the girl retorted, holding a hand up to silence her father. "Go."

"No," Castle stated firmly, taking her by the shoulders before she could turn and storm away. "You don't get it."

Alexis looked up, found her father staring down at her seriously.

She raised an eyebrow, crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't?"

Castle released his hold but his gaze didn't soften.

"This case…Beckett gets sucked into it," he began. "She gets lost in it. She can't stop herself."

"So?" Alexis asked, still not understanding.

"Her sniper resurfaced _yesterday_ ," Castle emphasized. "And I haven't heard from her in almost forty eight hours. That means she's already in too deep."

"It's not your job to pull her out."

"Yes," he stated firmly. "It is."

"You know, sometimes I think you forget that you're a writer, not a cop," the young woman reminded him.

"Alexis."

She unfolded her arms, refolded them with the other arm on top this time, and when she looked up at him her gaze was defiant. "I was thinking about moving back, you know?"

Castle raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Back to New York?"

His daughter nodded. "We're opening an office in Manhattan. I was thinking of transferring."

His eyes lit up. "Pumpkin, that's great news!"

"I'm not going to," she said abruptly.

"Why not?"

Alexis sighed in annoyance. "You really don't get it, do you?" At her father's blank stare, she continued. "You're writing again, you're happy. I was almost starting to believe that things could be like they used to be."

"They can," Castle promised. "They are."

"They're clearly not," she rebutted, already turning to walk away. "And I can see now that no matter where I live, I'm always gonna come in second place to _Beckett_."

"Alexis," he said sharply.

She whirled around, long dark ponytail whipping after her. "What?"

"You know that's not true," Castle scolded. "But two people have given me the responsibility of keeping her safe. Keeping her alive. I _have_ to be there for her right now, just like I'd be there for you the second you picked up the phone and said you needed me."

Alexis opened her mouth to retaliate but closed it again without a word as the fight began to drain from her eyes.

"I already failed once," he continued, voice soft, strained. "And if anything happens to her, I would just…I would…" Castle trailed off, the words caught in his throat and tears pricking his eyes.

"Wow," Alexis murmured, softer now as understanding dawned.

"What?" he asked, though he didn't meet her gaze.

"You really love her, don't you?"

When Castle lifted his head, his eyes were teary but soft and full of pure honesty. "I really do."

"Does she love you?" his daughter asked. She'd always been protective, even when things between them were rough.

"Yeah, I think she does," he answered honestly.

"Then why aren't you, you know…" Alexis trailed off with a gesture, the topic of her father's dating life always an awkward subject.

"It's complicated," Castle hedged.

She raised an eyebrow, crossed her arms again. "I think I can handle it."

"This case…" he began after a long pause, "it's caused her a lot of pain. She needs answers. She needs to know what happened. And for that to happen, she has to completely devote herself to solving it."

"But you're going back to New York to stop her," his daughter stated.

Castle nodded sadly. "Yes."

"So then…what if she never solves it?"

He shook his head, couldn't bring himself to speak. He loved Kate. He'd do absolutely whatever he had to in order to keep her safe. But the thought of never having the chance to be more, to be what he knew they could be, was a possibility he didn't like to consider.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Alexis offered after a long moment, extending her arms for a hug.

Castle stepped into her embrace, held her tightly, and it loosened the knot in his chest just slightly. "Yeah, me too."

"You should get back." The words were muffled against his shirt.

"I should," he echoed as they separated. "Promise me you'll think about transferring? The laser tag gear has been sitting there unused for two years now."

Alexis smiled up at her father, could see the excited twinkle in his eyes at the prospect of having her close to home again. Maybe, she realized, things really were back to the way they used to be. Maybe they were even better.

And maybe she'd just been too stubborn to see it.

"I promise."

Castle smiled, leaned in to press a kiss against his daughter's forehead. "I love you, Pumpkin."

"Love you too, Dad."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Upon his arrival in New York, Castle went straight to Beckett's apartment, forgoing even stopping for coffee. He had to get to her, and Ryan had called with an update half an hour ago, told him that she'd finally headed home but was still working the case.

He pressed the call button for the elevator but it was descending too slowly so he gave up and jogged to the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time until he reached her floor. He hastened down the hallway, anxiously knocked on her door.

"Castle?" she asked as the door swung open. "I thought you were in LA?"

He barreled past Kate into her apartment, not even bothering with an explanation.

"What's going on?" she asked as she shut the door behind him.

Castle whirled around in disbelief. "Seriously?"

She furrowed her face in confusion.

"Your murder vic was killed by the same guy who shot you, and you didn't think to call?" Castle questioned angrily, meeting her eyes with fire in his own. "I thought we were partners."

"We are," she insisted, drawing to a halt a few feet away from him.

"Really?" he challenged. "Because partners tell each other things."

"I was…getting there," Kate hedged.

A lie, and they both knew it.

"Bullshit," he called out. He was sick and tired of her lies, her excuses, that damn wall that always kept him firmly on the outside. "You didn't want me to know because you promised to step back from this case and you were afraid I'd ask you to stop again when I found out."

" _It_ found _me_ ," she pointed out. "And that's why you're here, isn't it?"

Castle opened his mouth, didn't reply. Kate nodded to herself. That's what she thought.

When Castle still didn't reply, Kate folded her arms defensively, began to speak. "You don't get it. You think it's simple to just let it go, but they tried to _kill_ me, Castle." She shook her head, voice dropping. "I wake up sometimes and I think to myself, 'how the hell am I still alive?' It's like I'm just waiting for that other shoe to drop. What if this is that other shoe?"

"It is," he answered.

She opened her mouth, stuttered in surprise. "What?"

Castle cleared his throat. "It is," he repeated. "And you have to stop this investigation."

"Castle, I'm fine," Kate protested, though she didn't meet his eyes. "I've been back for a month now. I'm in control."

"No, you're not," he insisted. "Whoever's behind this – they're in control. And if you don't stop, they're gonna kill you, Kate."

She lifted her head slowly, meeting his eyes with a rigid gaze. "What are you talking about?"

Castle took a deep breath, steeled himself. He knew she wasn't going to like this. "Before Montgomery met you at the pier, he sent a package to a friend, someone he trusted."

"A package?"

"Of information damaging to the person behind all this. Montgomery was trying to protect you, but the package arrived too late. This man," he hesitated, "…struck a deal while you were in the hospital. If the person behind all of this leaves you alone, the information will never see the light of day. On one condition; you have to back off. That's why you're alive, Kate," Castle explained. "Because you backed off."

"How do you know this?" she asked in a low voice, each syllable enunciated firmly.

"He called me," Castle admitted. "Someone has to make sure you don't pursue it. He gave me that responsibility. And so did Montgomery, a couple days before he died."

Kate took a step back, knees giving out, and she stumbled, clenched her fingers around the edge of her kitchen table to right herself.

"You're a part of this?" she asked, voice hollow, broken in disbelief.

"I was just trying to keep you safe."

Kate sank into the sharp edge of the table, shifting her weight to keep her balance as her world careened off its axis. She couldn't believe this. She'd been going to therapy, forcing herself to open up, chipping away at her wall brick by brick.

For him.

For them.

And the whole time he'd been keeping this from her…?

It was a long moment before she spoke, but when she did her voice was low, dangerous. "By lying to me about the most important thing in my life?"

To Castle's credit, he didn't back down. "That lie was the only thing protecting you."

"Castle, I don't need your protection," she practically hissed, pushing off the table and stalking towards him. "I needed a lead. You had one and you had no right to keep that from me."

"Kate…"

"No," she demanded furiously, squaring her shoulders and staring him down. "How the hell could you do this?"

"You know why," Castle answered, and Kate faltered. She did know why, but she couldn't believe he was bringing it up right now.

He took advantage of her silence, continued. "Kate, listen to me…"

"Listen to you?" she interrupted angrily.

But Castle barreled on. "…everyone involved with this case is dead. McCallister, Coonan, Montgomery, hell, they killed the thief that stole the files. You know they're gonna come for you next."

"Then let them come," she proclaimed, voice rising in anger and defiance. "They've come before, and now they're gone and I'm still here. I'm ready for this."

"Ready for what?" he challenged. "To die for your cause? This isn't a murder investigation anymore, Kate. It's a war."

But she wasn't backing down. If anything, her resolve only seemed to be growing, and Castle's heart sank as he realized exactly what Lanie meant all those months ago, her warnings of just how far Kate had fallen the first time. How far she was willing to go for justice.

"If they want a war, then I'll bring them a war," Kate declared. "Straight to their doorsteps."

Silence fell and Castle couldn't speak. His heart was twisted, the words were knotted in his throat, and he was fairly certain a tear was sliding down his cheek, but he was too numb to feel it. Hell, he was too numb to feel much of anything beyond agony of his heart fracturing in his chest. He could feel it cracking through him, spreading like the spider web pattern of shattered glass.

He'd failed, he realized in a moment of horrifying clarity. He'd promised Jim he'd keep her safe and he'd failed. Only, Castle recognized now, this was a promise he'd been destined to break. A battle he'd never had a chance of winning.

Kate was too far gone, and if the threat of certain death wasn't enough to pull her out, he knew nothing ever would be.

He knew _he_ never would be.

"Well, I guess there's just nothing I can say, is there?" Castle murmured in resignation. "Okay, yeah. It's your life, Kate, and you can throw it away if you want, but I'm not gonna stick around and watch." He paused, forced himself to utter what he was certain would be the last words he ever spoke to the woman he loved more than anything in the world.

The woman he couldn't imagine his life without.

"This is, uh…over. I'm done."

* * *

Castle left without a backwards glance, leaving Kate frozen in place and utterly stunned. The silence that surrounded her was deafening and she couldn't move, couldn't even breathe.

All she could do was stare at the door, willing it to open, willing him to come back. Willing herself to wake up from this dreadful nightmare.

After a long moment, she managed a small shake of her head to break the trance. This wasn't a dream. This was real.

Kate closed her eyes, forced it all away, but it wasn't enough to stop the flood of tears or the uncontrollable sob that ripped through her, a sound of utter devastation echoing through her empty apartment. She managed a few shaky steps backwards, sliding down against the side of the stairs. Her legs folded as she collapsed, arms curled around them, hugging her knees to her chest as the sobs wracked her body.

She should've known this would happen eventually. It always did, after all.

Everyone left her.

She was too broken, too damaged, and it had ruined every relationship she'd ever had. Why had she thought this one would be the exception?

Another sob tore through her, the broken sounds foreign to her own ears. As painful as this was, Kate supposed she should be thankful that it was happening now, before they'd actually taken the leap. Before she'd completely demolished the wall.

But even as the thought entered her mind, she knew it was ridiculous. The wall didn't matter anymore. Hadn't for a while. Sure, it was still there. And sure, she'd admitted to her therapist a few weeks ago that she wanted it to come down.

But Castle had been inside the wall for much longer than she'd been willing to admit.

He already had her heart.

And he'd just walked out the door with it.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	27. Chapter 26

_FF was having some troubles on Monday so if you missed chapter 25... well, I'd probably go back and read that one first..._

 _Thank you all for your continued support and your lovely comments._

* * *

 **Chapter 26**

 **(May 7, 2016)**

Kate woke the next morning feeling worse than when she'd gone to bed. She felt hollow, empty, and the pain in her chest was worse than from the bullet.

This was a different kind of pain, too.

The kind she hadn't felt this acutely in seventeen years.

She rolled over, picked up her phone. There was a message from Esposito, but nothing from Castle. No missed calls, no texts. Nothing.

A fresh wave of grief overtook her but Kate forced it down. She couldn't afford to be distracted right now.

According to Espo's text, they'd gotten the name of a rental car agency from the keychain in the sniper's hand in the surveillance photo; Eastway Car Rentals was currently combing through contracts for the hundreds of cars they'd rented that day.

It was a long shot, but at least it was a shot. And it was all they had.

Kate threw back the covers, toes curling against the cold wood as her feet hit the floor. She needed to shower and get to the precinct. If they could just find this guy, she could figure out who was behind her shooting and finally find justice.

And then everything she and Castle had fought about – the files, the deal, his lie, her wall – wouldn't matter anymore. They could finally be together.

Kate crossed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with determination.

Today was the day. She could feel it.

* * *

As it turned out, nothing could've been further from the truth.

Eastway identified the sniper as Cole Maddox; a quick background check revealed that it was likely an alias, but having the name on the rental car contract, as well as the current location of the car, was enough for them to track him to a hotel on the lower east side.

Leaving Ryan behind to surveil – despite his arguments and protests and lectures about going up against a sniper completely unprepared and without backup – Kate and Espo charged into the building and up the stairs, coming to a stop outside Maddox's suite.

* * *

Castle's phone vibrated against his desk for the third time in the last five minutes, the caller ID once again showing the Twelfth Precinct.

He sighed angrily, picked up the device and flung it across the room. The phone smashed into the _Naked Heat_ cover art, knocking over the easel and sending the art samples tumbling to the floor.

"Oh my God!"

Castle lifted his head a moment later to find his mother dashing across the living room and into his office.

"What the hell's going on in here?" Martha demanded.

Castle held up a hand. "Nothing, I'm sorry."

She folded her arms, spoke knowingly. "There's only one person on the planet that can get you this pissed off."

Castle reached for his glass of scotch, downed a swallow and felt it burn his throat. Never mind that it was only eleven in the morning. His whole body was still numb. He needed to feel something.

"The deal…with Smith." Castle shook his head, set the tumbler aside after a long moment. "She won't listen. She won't stop."

"She's a grown woman," Martha reminded him, sinking into the leather chair in the corner of the office. "She's a homicide detective."

He crossed the room, sank down into the chair opposite his mother. It was a long moment before he spoke. "She's going to get herself killed."

"It's her life," his mother stated sadly, and Castle hated the truth in her words.

"If anything happens to her…" he choked.

"Go on," Martha encouraged with a twirl of her hands.

He shook his head in resignation. He wasn't gonna go down that road. Not anymore.

"I told her I was done."

"Oh, Richard," she cooed.

Castle felt the familiar prickle in the back of his eyes, blinked it away. He was done shedding tears over Beckett. This was how it had to be.

Walking away from her was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

But there hadn't been any other option.

* * *

Across town, Espo and Beckett made their way into Maddox's suite with their guns raised. It was empty, but Montgomery's belongings were there, laptop open to his contact list, photos and files strewn across every flat surface.

"There's a photo missing," Beckett announced as she flipped through Roy and Evelyn's wedding album.

"They're looking for someone," Espo hypothesized.

"What if they found him?" Kate set the album down, nervously glanced around the room. "We gotta get outta here, call for backup…"

But before she could finish her sentence, Kate found herself slammed against the wall and then thrown to the floor, could only watch helplessly as Maddox knocked Esposito down as well, leaving him unconscious.

Kate grabbed for her gun, staggered to her feet, forcing aside the wave of dizziness as she chased after Maddox. He led her out of the suite and down the hall, up the stairs to the roof of the building. She wasn't sure what his plan was here, but it seemed as though he'd cornered himself.

This was her shot.

The roof was littered with machinery, tanks and fans for the building's heating and cooling systems. A metal sign towered above the concrete, and there was some kind of maintenance area rising up on the opposite side of the roof. The perfect hiding spot for Maddox.

Kate ducked around the corner of the small concrete addition, gun raised and eyes training for the sniper. But he outwitted her, grabbing her from behind. She tried to fight back, kicking, throwing elbows, hitting him with the butt of her gun, but it wasn't enough. She wasn't even close to being back to 100% and he was too strong. The air seemed to be missing from her lungs and her scars throbbed violently as he threw her around like a rag doll.

She forced one final valiant attempt but Maddox caught her easily, flipped her and sent her tumbling over the edge of the roof.

"Help!" Kate screamed, her fingers grasping the edge of the concrete, holding on for dear life and breaking her fall.

Maddox appeared above her, looking completely unaffected. "You're completely out of your league, detective," he stated smugly. "Too bad you didn't realize it sooner."

And with a glance to the sky, he turned and walked away.

Kate gasped, screamed for help again and again but Maddox wasn't coming back. No one was coming back. Espo was inside, unconscious. Castle was gone. And Ryan was back at the Twelfth, none the wiser.

Her right hand slipped, falling free, and Kate saw her life flash before her eyes as her left arm was forced to take all of her weight. She grunted as the skin around her scars pulled taut, and it felt like someone was digging a knife into her chest. She wasn't strong enough, knew she couldn't hold on much longer.

And in that moment, it was all so clear. Her biggest regret wasn't that she was going to die before she found justice for her mom. It was that she was going to die without ever having the chance to tell Castle how much she loved him.

The sound of footsteps on concrete appeared in the distance just as her fingers slipped again, losing another inch. "Castle?" Kate whispered in desperation. She wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she called his name again, louder this time. "Castle?"

"Beckett?"

"Castle!" she yelled, but her fingers were slipping and she couldn't see him, couldn't hear him anymore, and it was too late…

A hand closed around her wrist at the absolute last second, halting her fall but wrenching the muscles of her shoulder, nearly tugging it out of its socket. Kate lifted her right hand above her head, clung to the arm for dear life as it slowly pulled her back up onto the roof. Kate stumbled over the raised edge, collapsed in a tangle of limbs on the concrete.

"Castle?" she whispered, lifting her head.

But it wasn't him; it was Ryan. Castle wasn't there, and Kate's heart sank with the harrowing realization. He'd always been there. Even when she'd pushed him away, he'd been there. Even when she'd kicked him out of her life, he'd been there. He never had been good at following her instructions. And he'd always found his way back in.

But he wasn't there. This time, he'd told her he was leaving for good and he'd really gone.

And despite Maddox's almost certain escape, despite the pain thudding through her entire body as she lay in a crumpled heap on the roof, there was only one thing on her mind. Kate didn't care that her sniper had fled. Didn't even care who he was or where he'd gone. Didn't care about finding the answers she'd spent her entire professional life searching for. Because justice, answers, the battles she fought on a daily basis...none of it mattered without him.

Without Castle.

* * *

By the time they made it back down to Maddox's suite he was long gone, and Esposito was conscious but dizzy and disoriented. Two guys from the SWAT team helped him out of the building and EMTs were already there waiting as they stepped out onto the sidewalk.

It didn't take long to determine that Esposito had a mild concussion. For all Kate knew, she had one too. She was thoroughly battered and her entire body would be sore and bruised tomorrow. But she shrugged off the medics, brushed aside Espo's concern.

Ryan didn't say much, just stood awkwardly off to the side pretending that he wasn't furious with his partner and his boss for so recklessly running into the face of danger.

"What're you doing?" he finally demanded as Kate removed her car keys from her pocket.

"I gotta go," she answered, barely bothering to look at him.

"You don't even know where he ran off to," Ryan accused. He wanted to find this guy too, but he seemed to be the only one with his head on straight today.

"Ryan, I'm not…" Kate hesitated, turned to face him. "I'm done. I don't care where Maddox went. You guys can try to track him down but I'm done."

"You're…" the detective began, brow furrowing in confusion.

"I need to talk to Castle."

* * *

Kate forced herself to go back to her apartment first.

She showered, assessed her injuries. Bruises were already blooming across her skin, angry splotches on her chest and the faint outline of fingers on her neck. The skin around her scars was red and inflamed, and her ribs ached. Her side hurt from being kicked, her throat was sore, she had a headache, and her shoulders felt like overstretched rubberbands.

Her physical therapist kept telling her she was making excellent progress, but after today she realized how far she truly still had to go.

Kate ran a brush through her hair, dressed in a simple black blouse and jeans, and dashed out of her apartment. The logical voice in the back of her head was telling her to take a breath, pause and think this through, but she shut it down.

She was done being logical. Logical had gotten her thrown off a roof. Logical had pushed away the man she loved. Hell, logical had been driving a wedge between her and Castle practically since the moment they met.

She didn't want logic or reason anymore.

She wanted _him_.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Kate was out of the cab before it came to a complete stop, dashing through the pouring rain and into the building. She tapped her foot anxiously as the elevator climbed to the top floor, willing it to go faster.

She needed to see him. Needed to tell him…

Well, actually, she had no clue.

The doors parted and her feet automatically carried her down the hallway. And then she was standing outside the loft, unsure of what kind of welcome she'd receive...for the second time in as many months.

Well, actually, this time she had somewhat of an idea.

Kate raised her hand, confidently rapped her knuckles against the metal.

The door swung open moments later, and Kate watched Castle's face fall, his gaze harden. His jaw was set and his eyes betrayed no emotion as he stared at her.

At least she'd correctly anticipated his reaction.

"Beckett, what do you want?" he asked, voice heavy.

Her stomach clenched, heart fluttering nervously; after all, her entire future hung on her answer.

"You," Kate breathed, stepping across the threshold and catching Castle's face in her palms, pressing her lips to his before he could back away. Castle raised his arms awkwardly, one hand temporarily finding purchase on her bicep before falling away.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," Kate whispered as they separated, hands dropping to his shoulders. "I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry."

Her hands slid up to cradle his neck as she kissed him again, but Castle placed palms firmly on her arms, pushing her away.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"We found him," Kate answered unsteadily. She was trembling – anticipation, nervousness, and the waning adrenaline of the day, she was sure – and her heart was beating a frantic rhythm in her chest.

Castle released his grip on her arms, allowed his hands to fall to his sides, but he didn't back away. "The sniper?"

"He threw me down, knocked Espo unconscious. I chased him up to the roof and we fought, but," she shook her head, "he was too strong."

"He got away?" Castle deduced.

Kate closed her eyes, inhaled deliberately. Everything that happened on the rooftop almost seemed surreal, and she didn't want to put it into words. Wanted to leave it a forgotten memory. But she owed him the truth.

"He threw me over the edge," she admitted on an exhale, eyelids lowered in shame. "Left me hanging there."

"He…" Castle nearly choked on the anger and fear rising in his chest, closing his throat. He was livid still but he loved her so much, and the thought of someone throwing her off a roof was arousing fierce feelings of protectiveness and rage. His hands curled into fists, fingernails digging into his palms as he fought against the overwhelming urge to reach for her.

"He threw you off a roof?" Castle voiced in horror.

Kate could only nod, swipe at an escaped tear.

"How did you…?"

"Ryan," she answered as he trailed off, sparing him the need to finish his sentence. She wasn't going to tell him how close she'd actually come.

"And now you're here," Castle stated.

Kate nodded, finally lifted her eyes to his face once again. She searched his eyes, softer now but still uncomprehending, still seeking some sort of affirmation.

"I was hanging there," she began, ignoring the heavy weight settling in the pit of her stomach. It would be a long time before she could forget the anguish of what she'd thought were her final seconds on this earth. "And all I could think about was you. Nothing else mattered, Castle," Kate whispered earnestly. "Not the case, not catching Maddox, nothing. Only you. I just want you. And I'm so sorry it took this long for me to figure it out."

Outside, the raindrops pounded against the window panes in time with the beat of her heart, which was quivering nervously within her chest. She'd stripped everything away, not a single brick of her wall remained, and the moment stretched, long and terrifying as she stood there exposed, waiting for him to either take her heart or shatter it into a million pieces.

Lightning flashed, a bright, blinding white, bleaching the loft in an almost phosphorescent glow. It lasted no more than second, but as it illuminated Kate's dark eyes, Castle could see in their depths that she was holding nothing back. Her wall was gone, crumbled to pieces at her feet. This was Kate Beckett laid bare, her fragile heart completely unprotected. She was giving it to him.

"Rick," she pleaded, barely audible.

Thunder cracked across the sky then and something inside of him snapped. He pushed her back with his hands on her upper arms, shutting the front door of the loft with her body and pressing her against the cool, hard metal. Their lips met and everything Castle had been holding back for the last year and a half came flooding out; desire, anger, longing, frustration, love.

Kate kissed him back just as fiercely, lips and tongues and teeth tangling as she wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him with what little strength remained in her weary muscles.

Castle tore his lips from her mouth to trail a string of kisses down her neck, rough and wanting, his teeth scraping her skin, and Kate felt her knees buckle. But Castle was there, always there to catch her, to hold her up. He pressed her more firmly against the door, wedged his thigh between her legs and she gasped and rocked against him at the unexpected but delicious pressure.

His lips caressed her collarbone as his fingers fumbled with the buttons of her blouse. Kate clung to his shoulders, head dropping back and bumping the door as his lips continued their path down her chest.

She lifted her head at the sudden loss of contact, found Castle's eyes fixated on the puckered skin between her breasts. His expression was hard to read, some confusing mixture of arousal, pain, fear, and love as he contemplated this small mark that had been the cause of so much hurt and suffering.

Kate cupped the back of his head, cradling it tenderly as he leaned in once more to feather his lips over the marred skin. He rested his forehead against her sternum then, hot breaths washing over her scar and causing her heart to flutter excitedly.

After a long moment she urged him up, fingers gentle against his jaw as she guided his lips to hers once more, softer, tender this time. Stoking the fire that burned between them but not growing the flames.

Not yet.

They had all night for that.

But she didn't want their first time to be up against the door. She wanted to take him to bed, spend all night proving exactly how much she wanted him.

Castle kissed her gently, toying with her bottom lip as he released it to come up for air. Their foreheads were pressed together, tips of their noses brushing, and he could feel the brush of her lashes against his skin as her eyes lazily blinked open. She was gazing up at him with hooded eyes and a shy smile and he felt his racing heart stumble, skip a few beats.

He was kissing Kate Beckett. She was giving him her heart. And she was lowering their joined hands from her chest, perfectly slotting her fingers between his own and stepping away from the door, leading him towards his bedroom.

He still had so many questions, and his writer's mind was subconsciously running away with various scenarios in which Kate was being thrown from a building. But there would be time for questions later.

Right now, he just wanted to spend the night showing her how much he loved her.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"Kate!"

A sing-song voice rang out across the loft early the next morning, surprising Kate and nearly causing her to send a skillet of scrambled eggs clattering to the floor. She snagged the handle of the pan just in time, flinched at the sudden movement. The adrenaline was gone, the blissful contentment of last night slowly fading, leaving her entire body throbbing with the aftereffects of her fight with Maddox.

"Martha," she stammered in surprise, tracing the voice to the foyer and startling when she realized there was more than one person entering the loft. "And Alexis."

"Hi Captain Beckett," the girl greeted timidly.

"Please," she offered. "It's Kate."

"Right," Alexis amended.

So. This was awkward.

She'd met Martha a few times and had always found the woman to be pleasant and entertaining, but she'd only met Alexis twice and hadn't ever spoken more than a handful of words to the young woman. And now she was standing in their kitchen, cooking breakfast while wearing Castle's button down and a pair of sweatpants.

She silently praised her decision to go back and slip on the pants.

"I, uh, didn't realize Richard had company," Martha said apologetically as she crossed the loft, came to a stop on the opposite side of the bar.

"Yeah, it was…" Kate grimaced as the words spilled from her lips, "unexpected?"

"Well," Martha crooned, unaffected by the suddenness of it all. "It's lovely to have you here."

"I just woke up and literally smelled the coffee…and the bacon!" Castle exclaimed as he entered the living room, rubbing his eyes as he walked. "Good morning mother."

"Morning," she greeted with a knowing smile.

He stopped midway across the room as his eyes fell upon a collection of suitcases at the front door. "What's with all the luggage?"

"Hey, Dad," came a quiet voice.

He whirled around. "Alexis?" He crossed the rest of the way to the kitchen in three quick strides, enveloped his daughter in a giant hug. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"I'm moving back," she replied, words smooshed against the fabric of her father's t-shirt.

"You…" he stammered in shock, taking hold of her shoulders and stepping back so he could see her face. "You decided to transfer?"

She nodded.

Castle pulled her into another monster hug and she returned the embrace with a smile. "Pumpkin, this is great news!"

"You were in on this?" he asked his mother as he released Alexis.

"Picked her up at the airport just now," the redhead admitted. "She wanted it to be a surprise. Though clearly the surprising went in both directions this morning," Martha added, sending a wink in her son's direction and offering Kate a smile. "So…she cooks."

"Actually, my mom was an amazing cook," Kate gushed as she set a plate of bacon on the bar. "She used to make Sunday brunch and I would get the choice between pancakes, omelets, waffles…"

"Wow, that's funny," Castle quipped, reaching for a slice of bacon only to have Kate smack his hand away with a spatula. "Every Sunday my mom would have me make her an ice pack and a Bloody Mary."

"Don't listen to him," Martha stage whispered, drawing a smile and a laugh from Kate. "That only happened twice. Tops."

"This looks amazing," Castle enthused, walking around the bar and slipping an arm around Kate, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

She shrugged offhandedly. "I've spent my whole adult life trying to find justice for my mom. Thought maybe I could try to honor her another way."

Castle's hand tightened on her waist and he leaned in, buried his face in her hair and forced himself to breathe. A small part of him had still feared that last night had been a fluke, that once she'd regained control of her frayed emotions, she'd dive right back into the case.

He felt a pang of guilt for underestimating her.

She was in this just as much as he was. This was really happening.

"Rick," she whispered, bumping his thigh with her hip to put some space between them.

"Right," he stammered, taking a step back and allowing his arm to fall to his side. "I'll, uh, pour us some coffee. Are you ladies joining us?" he asked, turning to his family. Martha was watching the two lovebirds in amusement but Alexis's expression was one of discomfort.

"Oh no, we wouldn't want to interrupt," Martha replied.

"No, please," Kate offered. "There's plenty of food."

"Well, if you insist," Martha agreed easily. She nudged Alexis's arm, gently pushing her in the direction of the table. "Darling, let's pull up some chairs."

"Sorry," Castle whispered once Martha and Alexis left the room. "I had no idea."

"It's okay," Kate promised as he turned back to the coffee maker. "The more the merrier. This is how Sunday brunch is supposed to be."

"You're amazing, you know that?" he murmured, extending her a mug of the steaming liquid.

Kate took the proffered mug, ducked her head shyly to hide the rush of heat coloring her cheeks.

"Really," he insisted, cupping her cheek, drawing her eyes up.

"You're not so bad yourself," she murmured, resting her free hand against his sternum, palm spreading over his heart. She patted his chest twice before dropping her arm. "Now come on, I'm starving. I got a little more physical activity last night than I'm used to."

Castle's jaw fell open in surprise.

Kate was at the loft, wearing his clothes and teasing him after spending a night in his bed. She was handling the unexpected intrusion of his family with poise. She'd cooked breakfast. And she was gazing at him coyly from beneath dark eyelashes, tossing a smirk over her shoulder as she made her way to the dining room.

He'd never been more in love in his entire life.

* * *

After brunch, Alexis retired upstairs; the only last minute flight she'd been able to snag was a red-eye and between that and the three hour time difference, she was much in need of some sleep.

Castle and his mother cleaned up the kitchen, refusing to let Kate help – "nonsense, darling, you cooked us this delicious meal, the least we can do is take care of the dishes," Martha insisted – leaving her seated at the bar nursing a second mug of coffee and falling into a light-hearted conversation with the two of them.

It almost scared her, how easily she fit into this family. Into Castle's life.

Once the kitchen was clean, Martha disappeared up the stairs as well, leaving Castle and Kate alone at the bar. He was seated on a stool and she stood between his parted knees, hands on his shoulders while his splayed at her lower back. He was gazing up at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes. Love, sure. She was used to seeing that sparkling through their cerulean depths. But this was something more.

Kate cocked her head. "What?"

His smile widened, eyes crinkling at the corners, but he didn't answer.

"What, Castle?"

"I just…" He shook his head, couldn't find the words to explain the warmth bubbling in his chest, the happiness infusing his veins, the sense of utter completeness that he hadn't felt since…God, he didn't know when. Maybe ever.

"I love you."

Kate's breath caught. It wasn't the first time she'd heard him speak those three beautiful words, but this was the first time he'd said them without the overwhelming threat of death hanging over them.

She smiled, a tentative, beautiful thing as she leaned in, pressed her lips to his. The kiss was gentle, sweet, a stark contrast to the passion and heat and impatience of last night. They separated but she didn't go far, resting her forehead against his, noses brushing and breaths mingling, her fingers dancing through the hair at his nape.

She blinked her eyes open, lashes tangling with his as they lifted; she wanted to see his face as she let free the words she'd been holding in for too long.

"I love you too, Rick."

His answering smile was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and her heart fluttered.

Castle tugged her flush against him, burying his face in her chest and hugging her tightly. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, could only let it wash over him.

He'd known for months now, but the last fourteen hours had all but cemented it in his heart.

This was it for him.

She was his forever.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"Hey, Lanie," Kate greeted as she stepped into the morgue later that afternoon. They'd caught a new case a couple hours after brunch, forcing her out of Castle's bed – or, well, shower – and back to reality.

The man himself had stayed behind at the loft this morning. He had a meeting at Black Pawn this afternoon and, frankly, his absence today was probably a good thing. Kate wasn't sure they'd be able to maintain a façade of professionalism at the precinct at this point.

Ryan and Esposito were working the Costas case still, and Kate was fed up with their continued bickering over how to best handle the hunt for Maddox. So when Lanie had called half an hour ago, she'd jumped on the opportunity to head over to the morgue.

"Hey, I was just finishing up with your vic…" Lanie trailed off as she stepped out from the back room, eyes landing on her friend.

Her grinning, glowing friend who clearly wasn't here for the tox results.

Lanie crossed her arms, pursed her lips. "Something you'd like to share?"

Kate dipped her eyes, bit her bottom lip, but it wasn't enough to stop the brilliant smile spreading across her face, the rush of heat painting her cheeks a lovely scarlet.

"Well it's about damn time!" Lanie declared.

She peeled off her gloves, tossing them aside as she rounded the stainless steel table and flung her arms around her friend.

"I'm so happy for you," she murmured as they separated.

"Thanks," Kate offered with a smile.

"I thought Castle was in LA?"

"He came back early."

"Missed you that much, huh?" the ME teased.

Kate shot her friend a disapproving glare, though the effect was substantially diminished by the smile she couldn't quite suppress. "He came back for the case. We actually…" she hesitated, face falling. "We had a really bad fight."

"And then had angry makeup sex?"

"Lanie!"

"Tell you what," Lanie said. "How 'bout I give the info on our vic to Ryan and then you and I can grab some coffee and you can tell me all about it?"

Kate smiled shyly. She wasn't about to share as many details as she knew Lanie would want, but she really needed to let some of it out before all of her feelings came bubbling over.

"Sounds great."

* * *

"I thought you guys were through."

Castle lifted his head to find Alexis standing in the office doorway, head tilted to the side and one hand resting against the doorframe.

"Boy, news travels fast when your Gram's involved, doesn't it?"

"Dad."

He set his laptop aside, uncrossed his legs and dropped his feet to the floor. "We were."

Alexis crossed her arms. "And now she's wearing your clothes and cooking us breakfast."

"Yes."

"So she solved the case?"

Castle shook his head sadly. "No."

"But I thought…"

"I know," he murmured. "But things change."

"Since when?" Alexis asked in disbelief.

"Since last night."

"So just like that, everything's okay?" she interrogated, eyebrows raised. Had his daughter been taking secret lessons from Beckett?

"Not everything," Castle admitted. "We probably have some things to talk about. But for now, we're okay."

Alexis scrunched up her face in confusion.

"What?"

"I just don't see how you can go from cutting off all contact to dating her in twenty-four hours."

Castle sighed, ran a hand over his face. "No one ever said love was rational."

"Clearly."

"I love her," he began, fumbling for the right words to explain things to his daughter. "But that doesn't mean I'm never gonna be upset with her. It just means that I care enough to forgive and work things out."

"So this is real, then?" Alexis asked. "You guys are together."

"Yeah," he confirmed, lips quirking up at the edges. "This is real."

His daughter nodded thoughtfully. "Can I still stay here for a while? I mean…"

"Of course," Castle interrupted.

"I just don't want to get in the way."

He scoffed. "This is your house too, you know."

"Will Kate be around a lot?" she asked timidly after a moment.

"Sometimes," he answered. "And sometimes we'll probably be at her apartment."

"Okay."

"Is that…a problem?"

"No," Alexis assured him. "I like her. I mean, I don't know her that well, but she seems really nice."

"Yeah," Castle agreed, a dopey grin splitting his face. "She is."

Alexis couldn't help but smile at her father's love-struck expression.

It was good to be back.

And it was good to see her dad so happy again.

* * *

"So," Lanie prompted the moment they settled across from each other at a high-top table in the coffee shop around the corner from the morgue.

"How's Kiara?" Kate purposely deflected.

"Huh uh, don't even think about it Kate Beckett," Lanie reprimanded. "I want details."

"About which part?"

Lanie raised an eyebrow, daring Kate to defy her. "All of it."

"Okay, well," Kate bought herself a few seconds by taking a long drink of her latte, savoring the rich vanilla flavor. "He came back when Maddox resurfaced. Ryan called him, apparently." She paused for a breath. "We, uh, fought."

"About?" the ME asked around a drink of her own chai latte.

"The case," Kate answered. "He wanted me to stop, I wanted to keep going. It wasn't pretty. He actually walked out, said he was never coming back."

Lanie's eyes widened, filled with no small amount of shock and sadness.

"I was stubborn," Kate shook her head sadly, embarrassed in retrospect at how irrationally and selfishly she'd behaved. "Kept chasing Maddox and almost ended up dead. Again."

"Kate…"

"It's fine," the cop promised her friend. She wasn't going to share the details with Lanie. Or anyone else, for that matter. "Cliché as it sounds, I had one of those near-death moments of clarity."

"Finally realized you're madly in love with him?" Lanie teased.

"Something like that," Kate murmured with a small smile.

"Wait a minute," Lanie gasped in utter astonishment. "Did you just willingly admit to being in love with Richard Castle?"

"Keep your voice down," Kate hissed. She didn't mind sharing some details with her best friend but she wasn't ready for the whole world to know.

"Please tell me you finally told him," she ME pressed, quietly this time.

She smiled shyly as the memory washed over her. "I did."

Lanie opened her mouth to speak, paused at the dreamy look in her friend's eyes, the dazzling grin. "Girl, you've got it bad."

Kate straightened, forced her mouth to relax and her eyes to focus; she wasn't particularly sure she was succeeding, and Lanie's twinkling gaze confirmed her suspicions.

"Now," Lanie continued, reclaiming her hand and wrapping both palms firmly around her mug. "I want the real details."

Kate blushed and looked away, eyes suddenly enraptured by the curl of steam rising from her latte.

"Lanie, I…" she trailed off. Kate had never been shy about sex, had no problem admitting to her friend that this had finally happened. But with Castle it felt different for some reason – _you know exactly why, Kate_ , the voice in her head reminded her – almost too intimate to share.

"Fine," the ME conceded. "Surface details."

Kate hesitated again, unsure where to even begin. Oh, God. He'd made her moan and writhe and beg – multiple times – and just thinking about it now was making her want him all over again. He'd stolen her heart, imprinted her entire body with his words and his lips and his fingers and his tongue, and it hadn't even been twenty-four hours but she already couldn't imagine not going home with him tonight and tomorrow and every night after that.

"It was…pretty amazing," she finally admitted, eyes still firmly fixed on her drink.

"And," Lanie pressed.

 _And his tongue is incredibly talented. And he was speechless after the first time. And I'm having trouble walking normally because there's been a collective total of ten orgasms so far. And I'm so in love with him it's both terrifying and exhilarating._

"And nothing," Kate hedged.

"Wow," Lanie whispered.

She finally lifted her head. "What?"

"I've just never seen you like this before," the ME observed.

"Yeah, well, it's never been like this before."

"I'm happy for you, sweetie," Lanie murmured, reaching out to cover her friend's hand on the tabletop.

Kate grinned again, was having trouble keeping the smile off her face. Had been since somewhere around the time that Castle slammed his front door shut with her body. "Thanks, Lanie."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Castle had known it would be only a matter of time before their bubble burst. He just didn't think it would be so soon. They were just cleaning up from breakfast the next morning – or, more accurately, Castle had thoroughly distracted Kate from her clean-up efforts – when there was a knock at the door. Kate startled in surprise, gently pushing Castle back with a palm to his chest, hopping off her kitchen counter and straightening her shirt while he silently fumed at whomever had decided to show up at this most inconvenient time.

It was Ryan.

"Hey, Captain." He paused, eyes taking in her pajamas, lack of makeup, and un-styled hair. "Uh…"

She rolled her eyes, stepped back and allowed the detective to enter.

"Castle?" he questioned, eyes falling upon the author seated in a chair in Beckett's living room, dressed down into a t-shirt and sweatpants. Well, that was one explanation for the flush in Kate's cheeks and the fact that most of her hair was now escaping from what Ryan assumed was once a loose bun.

"Hey," the author greeted, well aware that there was really only one possible explanation as to why he was there in sweatpants at seven-thirty in the morning.

Ryan was clearly already doing the math as he glanced from the novelist to his boss, who was shutting the door and stepping around him to retrieve a mug of coffee from the kitchen counter. "Something you two would like to share?"

"Shut up," Kate mumbled into her coffee.

"Oh-kay," the detective replied, stretching out each syllable.

"So," Beckett prompted.

"Right," he amended with a quick shake of his head to bring him back to his purpose. "I, uh, need to show you something. From the Costas case."

"Ryan, I'm done, remember?" she reminded him. "I can't keep working this case."

"I'm not asking you to," the detective promised, extending a small rectangle of paper in his left hand. "I just need you to look at this one thing."

Kate set aside her mug, took it from him warily. "What's this?"

"We found a copy of the photo Maddox took from Montgomery's wedding album. You're familiar with the guys that Roy ran with back in the day. Is he one of them?"

"I've never seen him before," Beckett answered.

Castle rose from the chair, crossed to the two cops and peeked over Kate's shoulder. She stepped back to allow him a better look at the photo.

"I don't recognize him," the author began, "but I have a guess as to who it might be."

Kate turned. "Who?"

"Smith," he replied as though it was obvious. "He's got the files. He's the only link back to whomever is behind all of this."

"Makes sense," she agreed with a nod.

"Who?" Ryan asked.

"Tell you what," Kate cut in. "We'll meet you at the precinct in an hour and bring you and Espo up to speed."

* * *

An hour and a half later, after filling Ryan and Espo in on the details of Smith's deal, Kate found herself conflicted. When she'd walked away two days ago, she'd fully intended to never come back to this case. She couldn't. She'd come too close to losing everything, far too many times.

But if Maddox was after Smith, that meant her safety was at stake. She couldn't sit idly by, waiting for Maddox to catch up to her again, and she knew Castle well enough to know that he couldn't either.

"Hey," came a soft voice from behind her, tentative but caring and full of concern.

"Hey," Kate murmured, turning towards the voice and finding serious blue eyes gazing back at her.

Castle pushed the door of the break room shut, the latch clicking into place loudly against the silence. "You okay?"

She half shrugged, completely unconvincing.

"Kate," he prodded, one hand settling on her shoulder. "What's going on?"

She sighed, leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. It was a long moment before she spoke. "I was done, Castle," she finally admitted. He cocked his head, waited for her to elaborate. "With this case. I can't do it anymore. But now…" Kate trailed off, head shaking sadly.

"Now we have to," he finished for her.

"Yeah."

"I guess we knew it would come back around eventually, right?" Castle pointed out. "I mean, it always does."

"But not so soon," Kate murmured. "And not now. Not when…" she gestured between them, "…you know."

"We finally demolished your wall?"

She huffed a broken laugh but managed a meager smile. "Something like that."

"Nothing has to change," Castle reminded her. "We're still partners. My promise still stands."

"I know," she said softly, almost a whisper. Kate unfolded her arms, reached out and snagged his left hand with her right. "But I don't know how to do this."

He nestled his fingers with hers, his grip somehow both firm and tender. "Do what?"

"Do this without falling back down the rabbit hole."

"That's what I'm here for."

She lifted her eyes to his at the certainty in his words, allowed them to dip again as she spoke, voice small and sad. "Every time you try to pull me out, we fight," Kate reminded him. "I push you away."

"Then I'll pull you back," Castle promised.

Silence fell, and when Kate didn't look at him, didn't speak for a full minute, he finally caught her chin with his free hand, tilted it up until he could meet her eyes. The normally beautiful green was more of a hazel today, clouded with sadness and fear and shimmering with tears.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," he whispered, leaning in and pressing his lips to her forehead, a gesture so full of love that the tears finally spilled over.

Kate cautiously lifted her free hand to wipe them away; Castle didn't comment, but his cheek was pressed to her temple and she was sure he could feel her trembling.

"What if I ruin us?" she finally voiced, her greatest fear spilling out of her along with a fresh wave of tears.

She'd broken down her walls, given him her heart, and she loved him with every fiber of her being. The absolute last thing she ever wanted to do was to hurt him. But she knew herself, her history with this case, knew how quickly she could lose control and cause unintentional pain to those around her.

"I won't let you," Castle assured her, straightening and catching her gaze with the penetrating blue of his eyes. There was always love in their depths when he looked at her, but she could see a fierce determination there too. "You're not the only one who's persistent and stubborn."

That earned him a laugh and a genuine smile from Kate, her free hand rising to cup his jaw. "One of the many reasons I love you."

"We'll figure it out," he murmured, catching her hand as it fell away from his skin, her fingertips leaving trails of heat in their wake. "And no matter what happens, we're in this together." Castle released her hand then in favor of wrapping his arm around her shoulder blades, pulling her close. "You and me, and Ryan and Espo too. We'll find the file, keep the deal in place, and then you'll be safe."

Kate fell into him, arms looping low on his back as she buried her face in his neck. "I'll never be safe."

* * *

In what Castle could only dub a very fine streak of detective work, he and Kate definitively identified the man in the photo as Michael Smith. Unfortunately for them, by the time they arrived at his place, Maddox had already been there; Smith was tied to a chair, barely alive, and the file was little more than ashes in the fire place.

There was a second file, though. Smith had mumbled the words 'copy' and 'Mark' before consciousness slipped away, and Castle and Beckett were now searching every inch of his place for a clue as to who or what this enigmatic Mark might be.

Meanwhile, Ryan was back at the precinct, combing through the life of Michael Smith, and Esposito was meeting up with an old friend from the Department of Defense in a final, desperate attempt to determine the real identity of Cole Maddox.

"Markwell," Castle exclaimed suddenly, startling Kate, and she nearly dropped the stack of folders she'd been thumbing through.

"What?"

Castle extracted a piece of paper; a title deed for a Manhattan property, and passed it to Beckett as he spoke. "Smith owns the building at 86 Markwell Street."

"Let's go."

The high rise located at 86 Markwell Street was undergoing renovations. Very thorough renovations, from the look of it. Almost all of the walls had been knocked out, leaving little more than beams and ceilings. At least it made their task of finding the file much less complicated.

"Well, it's not in a wall safe," Castle stated, completely in sync with Kate's line of thought.

"Probably a floor safe somewhere."

"Here." Castle halted at a tower of mailboxes, now removed from the wall and set aside. He scanned the gold name plates. "M. Smith. Unit 523."

The cocking of a trigger cut through the silence, a prelude to the menacing voice of Cole Maddox. "Well that's some helpful information."

Kate froze in horror and Castle followed suit; both promptly found themselves being shoved into what used to be a bathroom, hands zip tied behind their backs and Maddox's promise to return for them soon lingering in the air.

The ties were too tight to wriggle out of, Maddox had taken Beckett's gun and both of their phones, and the only sharp object they could locate was a drywall screw which was, admittedly, not the best option. But it was all they could find, so they arranged themselves back to back so Castle could attempt to saw through the plastic.

It wasn't working, not at all, and they could hear footsteps on plywood, distant but gradually growing closer.

"Kate." Castle's voice was barely more than a broken plea.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, turning and seeking his gaze with her own.

Their eyes met, his filled with confusion. "For what?"

She shook her head. "Letting him get the drop on us. I should've…"

"No," he interrupted. "Not your fault."

Kate closed her eyes, silently cursing her lapse in judgement.

"I so wish I could hug you right now," Castle murmured as the footsteps neared.

She raised her eyes to meet his once more before her gaze dropped to his lips, back up again in that seductive flick of her eyes that she'd mastered over the years. A look that Castle had been on the receiving end of more than once.

One step towards her was enough to close the gap, seal their lips together. It was awkward with their hands tied behind their backs, unable to touch each other, tug each other closer. But then Castle's tongue teased her bottom lip and Kate's lips parted, and the awkwardness was forgotten as their mouths moved in a passionate and still somewhat unfamiliar dance, ending only when the door flew open behind them.

"Really?"

Kate whirled around in confusion. "Espo?"

"I come racing in here to save your life and you're busy making out?"

"We…I…"

He holstered his gun, removed a knife from his pocket and freed their hands. "And since when was this a thing, anyway?"

"Since when was what a thing?" Castle asked, rubbing at his wrists.

Espo gestured back and forth between them. "You two."

"Couple days ago, but we gotta get out of here," Kate answered, already striding past her partner and Esposito and back out into the main room. "How'd you find us anyway?"

The detective folded up his knife, slipped it back into his pocket. "Buddy of mine ID'd your shooter as Cedric Marks. Put a BOLO out on his car. Uniforms spotted it and when I got here I saw your cruiser."

Kate nodded.

"Marks is here, I assume?"

"Unit 523," she answered. "You got an extra piece?"

Marks was in fact in Unit 523, and he was just opening Smith's floor safe when Espo and Kate arrived in the doorway, guns raised, Castle trailing nervously behind them.

At first, it seemed as though Kate had the situation under control; but then Marks lifted the file and the cocking of a trigger followed by warning beeps filled the air, and suddenly the safe exploded. A wave of heat flooded towards them as Castle wrapped a possessive arm around Kate, spinning her out of the doorway and into the wall, narrowly avoiding flying shards of broken building materials as they cowered away from the blast.

When they re-emerged, Maddox was dead and thousands of jagged pieces of paper were raining down on them like confetti.

Castle caught one of them between his thumb and forefinger, realization dawning in horror.

"What is it?" Kate asked, holstering her gun now that Esposito had confirmed Maddox's demise.

His eyes were as hollow as his voice when the words finally made it past his lips.

"The file."

Shit.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	32. Chapter 31

_Alerts have been finicky these last few days... I posted a chapter on Friday that some of you may have missed._

* * *

 **Chapter 31**

When Kate arrived at the precinct the next morning, Ryan and Esposito had completely rearranged the conference room. There were three tables lined up end to end with a row of lamps down the center – Kate had no idea where they'd found six identical desk lamps – and the wooden surfaces were entirely covered with tattered fragments of paper.

"What's this?"

"The file," Ryan answered, lifting his head and then taking a moment to roll his shoulders, work the kinks out of his neck.

"You…" Kate paused in shock, taking in the two detectives, tweezers in hand, dutifully piecing together these tiny shards of paper. "You're putting it back together?"

Both detectives shrugged, as though it was nothing. As though this was a completely normal way to spend a day. "Yeah."

Kate bit her lip, suppressing the waves of emotion washing over her. She had the best team in the world.

"Hey, what's this?" came a voice from behind her. Kate turned to see Castle standing in the doorway, two coffees in hand and a look of confusion on his face.

"The file," she replied, taking the outstretched mug and allowing her fingers to brush over his as she did.

"Well," Castle stated, and if he was shocked, he covered it well. "Let's get to work."

It was a long and tedious process, and their backs and necks ached, but by the afternoon they'd pieced together enough to deduce that the file had contained financial information, including money orders made out to cash. A trace of the bank account listed on the back of one of the money orders showed that the account was no longer in existence, but that it had once belonged to a William H. Bracken.

They all gasped as the familiarity of the name settled over them.

It was Kate who finally spoke, voice trembling. "You mean United States presidential candidate William Bracken?"

The ensuing silence was deafening.

* * *

"What do we do?" Kate asked Castle later that evening. She set aside her wine glass – she was too nauseous to drink anyway – and curled more tightly into his side.

"I don't know," he replied slowly, welcoming her within the curve of his arm. He'd been mulling it over since the afternoon, but every time he came up empty.

Kate toyed with the buttons of his shirt, eyes fixed on the absentminded motions of her fingers as she considered her options.

"Do you think Bracken knows there was a second file?" Castle asked after a long moment.

She lifted her eyes, cocked her head. "Well, he sent Maddox after it, didn't he?"

Castle shrugged. "Or did Maddox figure it out on his own?"

"And if Bracken did know, then does he know it blew up along with Maddox?"

"He's been one step ahead of us this whole time," Castle pointed out. "Probably best to assume he knows it's gone."

"And with Smith dead…" Kate began, voice muffled into the fabric of Castle's shirt. She trailed off, didn't need to finish the sentence.

"You're not safe."

"Not until we take Bracken down."

"But how?" Castle asked. "All we have is a bank account number. That's not enough."

"You know, he's in town this weekend," Kate mentioned, felt Castle stiffen beneath her. She leaned back, caught his eyes, blue and full of concern. "What?"

"I don't like where this is going."

"I'm just gonna talk to him," she promised. "If he doesn't know about the second file, maybe we can keep the deal in place."

"And if he does?" Castle challenged.

"Then we'll know, and we can come up with another plan," Kate answered.

"And he'll know that you're still going after him, and he'll send another sniper," he argued.

"If I don't keep the deal in place, he'll do that anyway."

Castle sighed heavily but didn't speak. He wanted to protest. Wanted to wrap them both in bubble wrap and whisk her away to the Hamptons and keep her safe. But he knew it wasn't that simple. And deep down, he knew she was right.

They didn't have enough to take down Bracken, which meant they desperately needed that deal to stay in place.

* * *

When Castle startled awake the following morning, the ringing of his phone was slicing through the grey light of pre-dawn, and the bed next to him was empty.

"Esposito?" he uttered in confusion, voice rough with sleep.

"Is Beckett with you?"

Castle forced himself out of bed, toes curling against the cold wood as he stumbled out of his bedroom, glanced around the loft. "No," he answered, feeling his heartbeat accelerate. "She's not at the precinct?"

"No," the Hispanic detective replied. "And she's not answering her cell."

"Bracken's in town today," Castle replied, already dashing back to the bedroom and removing his pajama pants with one hand, nearly tripping himself in the process. "She was gonna go see him."

Espo swore on the other end of the phone. "I'll track him down, text you the address."

Castle was tossing the phone aside and hurrying to the bathroom even before the line went dead. He had to get to Kate.

* * *

When Castle, Ryan, and Espo caught up to her, she was exiting the hotel kitchen with her gun in her hand, Bracken trailing behind her with a towel held to his forehead.

"Kate…" the author breathed, torn between relief that she was okay and irritation that she'd gone off without him.

She holstered her gun, brushed a strand of hair out of her face as she tossed a glance at Bracken's disappearing form. "We reached an understanding."

Castle didn't speak again until they were out of the hotel, safely in her car and pulling out into traffic. "He knew about the second file?"

"No."

"So you bluffed?"

"Recited the bank account number," Kate answered. "Told him if anything happens to me or anyone I'm close to, the file goes public."

"The file we don't have," Castle stated bluntly.

"Which he doesn't know."

"Yet."

"What else was I supposed to do, Rick?" she challenged. "We talked about this. I had to keep the deal in place."

"We also talked about doing this together, but I woke up alone this morning," Castle snapped, unable to keep the anger from seeping into his voice.

"He's booked solid this weekend, I had to get to him before the press conference."

"Which is fine, but I was right next to you, Kate. You could've woken me."

She flicked her eyes to him, a quick glance but long enough to observe the hard set of his jaw. "I didn't want to put you in danger."

Castle sighed heavily. He had a feeling this was going to be an ongoing fight between them. She was used to doing things on her own. He was used to sticking his nose into everything. These were patterns that had largely defined their relationship since they day they met, and he didn't expect them to change. At least, not right away.

"I'm sorry," Kate offered eventually, bringing the car to a stop at a red light. "I'm used to fighting this alone. But I have you now, and…" she reached across the console, caught his left hand in her right and squeezed gently, "partners have each other's backs, no matter what."

* * *

"So all this time, Montgomery had that file and he just sat on it?" Kate asked later that evening, back on Castle's sofa as they had been just twenty-four hours earlier. "Why?"

"He was probably afraid," Castle answered.

"But he had _proof_ ," she pointed out. "He could've taken him down years ago and prevented all of this."

"Bracken is connected," Castle reminded her. "He'd have orchestrated a hit on Montgomery or his family before they even had a chance to arrest him."

"So now I'm just supposed to do the same? Sit here in my thinly-veiled bubble of safety and let him run for president?"

"What else can we do?"

"We treat it like any other case. We keep digging."

Castle averted his eyes, but not before Kate caught a glimpse of something flickering through them. Something she couldn't identify.

"What?"

He didn't meet her gaze.

"What, Castle?"

After a long moment, he finally sought her out. "I don't like this."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" she challenged.

He shook his head. "I don't know. But we don't know what we're looking for and we have no idea what we might find."

"Evidence," she answered, the "duh" implied in her tone.

"He probably already has you under surveillance," Castle pointed out. "Making sure you're holding up your end of the deal."

She shrugged. "So we fly under the radar."

"Or I could just shoot him myself," Castle muttered under his breath, rising from the sofa and crossing to the kitchen to deposit his now empty wine glass in the sink. "Solve all our problems."

"Castle."

"Like you don't want to." It wasn't a question. And it certainly didn't require an answer.

"Rick." That got his attention and he turned, eyes settling on her approaching figure. "We can't do this if I'm gonna have to constantly worry about you doing something stupid."

"I won't actually shoot him," he retorted in annoyance.

Kate crossed her arms, leaned a hip against the kitchen counter. "That's not what I meant."

Castle raised an eyebrow in question.

"I can't…" she trailed off, tears already building, blurring the edges of her vision. "I can't lose anyone else to this. I can't lose _you_. That's why I went alone this morning."

"You're worried they're gonna come after me?"

"No, babe," she corrected. "I'm worried they're gonna come after me and you're gonna jump in front of a bullet again."

"You expect me to just stand there and watch?" Castle asked, defiance and despair cracking in his throat. "You bled out in my arms once, Kate, and I'm not going through that again."

"Sometimes I think you forget that I watched you die once too."

He sighed heavily at that, but couldn't conjure up a response. There wasn't one, not really.

It was a long moment before Castle spoke. "I love you," he began. "And I can't promise not to protect you. But I can promise to be careful." He lifted his eyes, met hers with resolve. "If you can do the same."

Kate nodded, the movement barely there at first but becoming stronger. She could do that. She could be smart and safe; it was for the well-being of them both. "I promise."

"Okay," Castle breathed as he reached for her, tugging her into his arms, and she came easily, fitting herself into the cove of his body. It still amazed him, how soft and snuggly she was with him.

"Did you call me babe?" he asked after a long moment.

Kate leaned back in his arms, lifted her head enough to meet his eyes. "What?"

This time, it wasn't a question. "You called me babe."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I do," Castle answered quickly, grinning and dropping a kiss to her forehead. "It's just so…not you."

"Yeah, well, maybe there's more to Nikki Heat than meets the eye," she teased.

"Oh, I've always known that," he assured her. "It's why I decided to base a character on you in the first place."

Kate quirked an eyebrow. "Wanna learn something else new about me?"

"Always," Castle answered excitedly, blue eyes sparkling with intrigue.

She stepped out of his arms, teasingly unhooked the top two buttons of her blouse as she spoke in a low voice, seductive smile curling her lips. "Grab a glass of ice and meet me in the bedroom."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	33. Chapter 32

_I didn't plan it this way, but here's a fluffy chapter for Valentine's Day. I love you all, you are so supportive and wonderful! Thanks for keeping our show alive._

* * *

 **Chapter 32**

Tentative deal with Bracken in place, Kate took a step back from the investigation for a few days. Despite her determination during her previous discussion with Castle, she _had_ heard him, had taken his words to heart. They needed to be careful. If Bracken caught them digging, he'd know their deal was based on a lie and he'd come after her.

But more than that, he'd come after Castle. And she hated that because of her, he was in danger. Putting him in harm's way had never been her intention.

During a subsequent conversation, they decided to lay low for a month or so and strategize. With Election Day only six months away, they were running on a very short timeline. But given all that Bracken had done so far to protect himself, cutting off all avenues of investigation using whatever means necessary, they knew they had to do this exactly right if they were going to stay alive long enough to bring him down.

Tracking down anyone with connections to Bracken seemed to be the place to start, so during a lull between cases two weeks later, they began searching everything related to the senator's political history, in Manhattan and in Washington. They had a few names so far, a couple promising leads, and Kate had wanted to keep working but Castle had dragged her away two hours ago, insisting it was time to call it a night.

It wasn't the first time he'd had to reach out and close a file or shut off her computer monitor, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

But tonight was the first time she hadn't fought him on it.

"Thank you," she whispered, propping her shoulder against the door of his office later that evening.

Castle lifted his eyes, half focused on her and half focused on the words he was still typing. "For what?"

"Making me stop tonight."

He set his laptop aside and slid his feet to the floor. "I promised you I would."

"I know," she stated, pushing off the doorframe and crossing to him. "But still."

"Thanks for letting me," Castle replied as she neared, arms extending towards her. She took them easily, allowed him to tug her down onto his lap, and he couldn't help but marvel at her, at them, and how far they'd come in just three weeks. She was at his loft, smiling and sinking into him after allowing him to pull her out of the case that had been the cause of just about every major fight they'd ever had. He was so proud of her.

But he didn't want to sound patronizing, so he bit his tongue, changed the subject.

"So," Castle transitioned, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist as she settled more comfortably against him. "Memorial Weekend is in a few days. I usually spend it up in the Hamptons. You, uh, wanna join me?"

"I…" Kate hesitated. They'd been together all of three weeks. Were they really at that point in their relationship already? _And in that time, you've only spent two nights apart,_ the voice in her head reminded her.

So yes, then. Apparently they were.

"Uh, sure."

"Great!" he exclaimed, pressing an eager kiss to her cheek. His eyes were alight, his smile so adorable, and when had she lost all ability to say no to him?

Which is how Kate found herself in the passenger seat of his Ferrari four days later, sun on her skin and wind in her hair as they finally, _finally_ left the city traffic behind. The radio was on and Castle was humming along to the tunes as he maneuvered them onto the LIE.

Kate leaned back against the headrest, closed her eyes. If someone had told her in the hospital that she'd be taking Castle up on his offer to spend time in the Hamptons with him a mere four months later, she'd have rolled her eyes right out of her head. He'd even managed to convince her to take Friday off, so they'd have a full four days to spend there before heading back to the city on Monday evening. Alexis had a work event on Saturday and Martha had multiple performances, so it would just be her and Castle for the entire time.

Kate had to admit, she was equal parts excited and nervous. She'd had entire relationships that had never made it to the going-away-overnight phase because, well, it was a big step. One that she'd never been all that keen on taking before. Then again, she'd never had a relationship like this before. Everything with Castle was different; it was real, it was deep, it was all-encompassing, and it still scared her sometimes, just how strong her feelings were.

She felt a hand on her thigh, rolled her head to the side and peeled her eyes open. "You okay?" Castle murmured, flicking his eyes to her in a brief glance before retraining them on the road.

Kate dropped her hand, lacing her fingers over his. She took a deep breath, forced away the confused swarm of feelings. "Yeah," she answered after a moment, and she was surprised to find that she truly meant it.

She was going on a vacation with the man she loved. Four days of sunshine and sand and sex and relaxation.

She could handle this.

* * *

Castle blinked his eyes open, allowing them to adjust to the rays of morning sun streaming through the window. The east-facing floor-to-ceiling glass was one of the things he loved most about his bedroom here in the Hamptons.

But even more than that, he loved that Kate was here with him, that he'd drifted to sleep last night naked and wrapped around her in a cocoon of warmth and sex and love. She wasn't here now, though, the covers on her side of the bed bunched together near his hip. But her pillow was still warm and rumpled, meaning she hadn't been gone long.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, forcing away the remnants of sleep, and when he opened them again, he spotted her.

Kate was standing barefoot on the deck, hands resting on the wooden railing as she gazed out at the ocean. The sun was just climbing above the horizon, painting everything in a pale golden hue and glittering off the crests of the softly rolling waves.

Rays of light caught in her hair, wavy and shimmering, blowing lightly in the morning breeze. She was so impossibly beautiful, and Castle still found himself overwhelmed on a daily basis by the fact that she'd chosen him.

She was wearing his button-down shirt from yesterday, but he leaned over the edge of the bed and managed to locate his boxers.

Kate heard the glass door slide open, tossed a glance over her shoulder to find Castle leaning against the door frame, hair mussed from sleep, eyes still hazy.

"I could get used to waking up to this view," he murmured, eyes firmly fixed on her legs, naked and seemingly endless beneath the tails of his shirt.

Kate raised an eyebrow, turned the rest of the way around and crossed her arms over her chest. "Seriously?"

Her movement tugged his gaze upward but the motion was deliberate as he trailed over her body, lingering at the inside curve of her breasts visible beneath the half-buttoned shirt before finally lifting to her eyes.

"What?" he asked, not even bothering to hide his lust.

"I'd think a best-selling novelist could come up with something a little less cliché."

Castle pushed off the doorframe to cross the porch, came to a stop in front of her. "Yeah, well, turns out not everything can be adequately described with words."

Kate blushed and averted her eyes as a flock of butterflies erupted in her stomach and her heart fluttered under the tenderness of his gaze. She wasn't sure she'd ever get used to the way he looked at her, eyes so full of pure adoration.

"Really, though," he murmured, tugging gently on her elbows. She allowed her arms to uncross, dropped her hands to tangle with his. "I like you here. And you look good in my shirt."

She smiled shyly, eyelashes fluttering. "And you look good without it."

"Wanna see how I look without my boxers too?" Castle asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Kate rolled her eyes. The man was incorrigible. And insatiable. Not that she was fairing much better. Maintaining a professional reputation at work was a constant challenge, and now in the privacy of his Hamptons mansion, she found herself in a constant state of wanting him.

She tugged on his hands, still twined with hers between their bodies, but their good morning kiss was interrupted by the loud gurgling of Castle's stomach. He groaned and Kate laughed, dropping one of his hands and reaching out to pat his stomach.

"Maybe breakfast first," she suggested. "And then I'll let you see how I look in a swim suit."

"I'm sure you look hot as hell," he uttered in a low voice, catching her around the waist and tugging her to him, their hips colliding and eliciting simultaneous gasps. "But I'd rather see you without it."

* * *

"Maybe I'll call my next book Hamptons Heat," Castle mused two days later as he and Kate strolled hand in hand back up the beach towards his house. Their long weekend in the Hamptons had passed far too quickly, their days filled with sunshine and sand and far more nakedness than Kate was used to. Now the final evening of their vacation was coming to a close as the sky darkened and the moon slowly climbed above the horizon, casting a silver glow upon the rippling waves. "Nikki and Rook can come out here on vacation and somehow end up working a case. Oooh, maybe a guy gets shot and falls into Rook's swimming pool."

Kate quirked an eyebrow, pursed her lips as she turned to her partner. "Sounds romantic," she deadpanned.

"Oh don't worry, Captain. There'll be _plenty_ of time for romance when they come home every night."

"Will there now?"

"Have to give the readers what they want," he offered with a nonchalant shrug as they jogged up the few stairs leading from the sand to his back yard.

Kate turned, placing her hands firmly on her hips as she came to a stop. "And what's that, exactly?"

"As one of my long-time fans, I think you know _exactly_ what readers want," Castle answered, leaning in to speak the final few words in a muted voice.

She rolled her eyes, turned to stroll away but Castle caught her by the waist, pulling her lithe frame into his and wrapping his arms around her snugly, trapping her against the warm cove of his body.

"So, Captain Beckett," he uttered, voice low and sexy, breath hot against her neck, and it was so unfair how easily he could turn her into a pile of mush. "Feel like giving me some inspiration for the obligatory Hamptons Heat sex scene?"

Kate wordlessly slipped from his embrace, lifting her sundress over her head as she strode towards the house. Her bra and underwear followed, leaving her naked and bathed in moonlight as she tossed a glance over her shoulder and descended into the hot tub with a wicked grin.

Oh, God. He wasn't going to survive this.

* * *

"You are amazing," Castle huffed two hours later, his voice airy and the words shaky. His heart was still racing, breaths coming in rapid bursts against Kate's skin. She was sprawled on top of him in bed, tips of her hair still damp from the hot tub and sweat drying on her skin. "And all sorts of inspiring. But that...you and me together. That's never going into a book."

"Why not?" she hummed into his neck.

"Because," Castle murmured, fingers tangling into her hair and combing through the strands, tenderly cradling her head to his chest. "Some things aren't meant to be shared with the world."

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	34. Chapter 33

_Thank you all for your continued support and for still managing to read and review through this whole finicky alert situation (which is hopefully resolved finally). Just three more chapters to go after this._

* * *

 **Chapter 33**

"Captain Beckett?"

Kate lifted her head, startled. "Alexis, hi."

The girl shut the door behind her, took her time in crossing to the living room and setting her keys and purse onto a chair. She glanced around the loft, eyes finally returning to Kate. "Is my dad here?"

"He had a meeting at Black Pawn," Kate explained. "He, uh, should be back in a few minutes."

Castle's daughter nodded, eyes wandering the room nervously. Their relationship was tentative still, unsure and a little awkward. Alexis didn't need a step mother; Kate was trying her best to be whatever the girl _did_ need while also staying out of the way as much as she could to allow Castle and his daughter to fully repair their relationship.

Things between them had improved drastically, from what he'd explained to Kate over the last year and a half. They hadn't had a fight in weeks and seemed to have struck a balance between spending time together and partaking in their own activities. And in recent weeks, it seemed, Alexis's attitude regarding her father spending so much time at the Twelfth had also begun to thaw.

Kate was torn. She loved having Castle as her partner; his insights on cases had become invaluable to their team and it had been a long time since she'd had the comfort of someone having her back so unfailingly.

But at the same time, she felt selfish for putting him in unnecessary danger during the times they went out in the field. He'd die for her, and she knew she'd do the same to protect him, and Kate hated that she was the cause of so much worry for his family. Castle was a writer, should be safe at home, ensconced in his office on a daily basis rather than running around fighting crime. The last thing Kate wanted was for Alexis to lose her father or Martha her son.

It was something they still hadn't fully sorted out between the three of them, and Kate wasn't sure how they ever would.

"How was work?" Kate ventured. It wasn't often that she found herself alone with Alexis; maybe this could be an opportunity for them to get to know each other a little better.

"Uh," Alexis slowly turned and sank onto the far edge of the leather sofa. She squared her jaw, taking a moment to assess Kate. "It was good, I guess. We're still doing a lot of organizing and arranging upcoming projects."

"It takes a lot to set up a new office," Kate agreed. "I remember when my parents' law firm moved to a new building." She smiled at the memory, shook her head. "They complained for weeks about packing and unpacking boxes and not being able to find anything."

"Your dad was a lawyer too?" Alexis asked in interest.

Kate smiled and nodded. "They worked together. It's how they met."

"Looks like it runs in the family."

"I, uh," Kate stammered.

"I mean, not that my dad is actually a cop," Alexis barreled on, saving Kate the need to speak. "But, I mean, sometimes I think he thinks he is. I think it's real to him. And he spends so much time there and he goes to crime scenes and ends up in all these dangerous situations and…"

"Alexis."

She stammered to a halt. "What?"

"You know he'd stop shadowing me if you wanted him to," Kate clarified.

"But you like having him there," Alexis pointed out.

"I do," Kate answered.

"And he likes being there."

"He does," she agreed with a smile. "But…"

"And it makes him happy and he's writing again and _you_ make him happy," Alexis continued.

Kate couldn't help the automatic upturn of her lips, because he did the same for her. So much more than she ever thought possible.

"But I just don't want him to get hurt again."

Kate felt the smile fall from her face. "I don't either," she whispered.

"And it's selfish because I want to ask him to stop so he'll be safe but I don't want him to resent me, and I don't know what to do," Alexis finished, taking a deep breath and finally meeting Kate's eyes with her own, bright blue like her father's and currently harboring some of the same trepidation she saw in his from time to time.

Kate steeled herself; openness and honesty about her feelings was something she still struggled with. It felt so unnatural after years of hiding everything away, and though Castle somehow made it a little less scary, confiding in Alexis was very different. She didn't know the girl well, didn't feel at all comfortable pouring her heart out to her.

But Castle and Alexis were a package deal, and she knew they'd never be able to make things work long-term (and since when had Castle become so engrained in her visions of the future that she'd started thinking this way?) if she couldn't sort things out with his daughter, reach some kind of truce with the young woman.

"I can't tell you what to do," Kate began, leaning forward and resting her forearms on her thighs. "This is a decision that has to come from you and your dad, not me. But I can promise you this: I love him, and I'd do anything to keep him safe."

Alexis held her eyes for a long moment, contemplating, before she finally blinked, nodded, replied with a soft, "okay."

Kate leaned back into the sofa, offered a small smile; Alexis returned the gesture and some of the tension dissipated.

"He really is crazy about you, you know," Alexis offered.

Kate grinned, couldn't help herself. "Trust me," she murmured, memories of their recent Hamptons getaway still fresh in her mind. "It's mutual."

The moment broke as the door opened, both women turning to find the subject of their conversation stepping into the foyer. Castle spotted them both and Kate saw his eyes widen slightly. She offered him a smile and some of the panic faded as he toed off his shoes, crossed to the living room and tossed his jacket aside with his daughter's discarded purse.

"Hey Pumpkin," he murmured, bending down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

"Hey, Dad," she replied.

"Hey," he whispered, turning to Kate as he sank into the couch between the two women.

She smiled softly, caught his outstretched hand in her own and tangled their fingers together.

"So, what're you two talking about?" he inquired, half interested, half terrified. Kate could still see the wariness beneath the façade of his curious eyes and too tight smile.

"You," Alexis answered with a grin.

He opened his mouth to speak, closed it again as he turned to Kate with panicked eyes. She offered only a small shrug and quirk of her mouth.

"Me?" he stammered, turning back to his daughter.

"Relax, Castle," Kate murmured, finally putting him out of his misery. Castle whipped his head back around to his girlfriend once more. "It wasn't anything bad," she assured him.

"Really?"

"Really, Dad," Alexis promised, patting his thigh.

"Well, okay then," he managed, still struggling to grasp the fact that his daughter and his girlfriend were sitting in his living room chatting about him, grinning, any previous tension between the two seeming to have all but vanished.

"How was the meeting?"

He shrugged. "Finalizing things for _Naked Heat_. Nothing too exciting."

"I assume giving Nikki some clothes to wear on the cover wasn't on the agenda?" Kate questioned, eyebrow quirked.

"It was not," Castle answered, tossing a glance over to his daughter, who quickly busied herself with an invisible hangnail. She wasn't about to participate in a conversation between her father and Kate regarding Kate's alter ego's lack of clothing. "But don't worry. She's holding a well-placed gun again."

"I'm sure she is," Kate agreed flatly.

"I'm just gonna go call Paige," came a voice from behind him, and Castle shifted to find Alexis rising from the sofa and retrieving her purse, preparing to flee up the stairs.

"Alexis, wait," Castle called, already dropping Kate's hand and rising from the sofa. "I'm sorry. Wrong place and time for that conversation."

"Probably so," his daughter agreed, slinging her purse over her forearm and tugging her keys from where they were sliding down between the cushion and the back of the chair.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to hide in your room," he assured her. "It's your house too, and Kate and I will try to make sure we don't make you feel uncomfortable."

"We will," Kate agreed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Alexis promised.

"Now," Castle slung an arm around his daughter's shoulders as he shifted the conversation, "Forbidden Planet is playing tonight at the Angelika. What do you say? My two favorite ladies want to come to the movies with me?"

Kate immediately glanced to Alexis, allowing the young woman to make the decision. Their relationship was tentative still, their interactions today moderately awkward, and Kate didn't want to force her into another uncomfortable situation.

"Sure," she agreed easily, tossing a glance back at Kate, awaiting her reaction.

Kate offered Alexis a soft smile. "Sounds good," she agreed.

Castle extended a hand and Kate took it without hesitation, smile growing as he tugged her up. Once she was on her feet, he dropped her hand, caught her around the waist and tugged her into his other side, simultaneously tightening his other arm around Alexis's shoulders. He didn't know what had been said between the two – probably never would – but it seemed to have cleared the air, and he felt a weight he didn't know he'd been carrying lift from his shoulders.

 _Naked Heat_ was in the final stages, their search for evidence on Bracken had recently turned up a couple new leads, Alexis was back home, Kate was in his loft, the two of them were getting along, and now the three of them were going out together for the first time ever.

Things were really looking up.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	35. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

The weeks passed, the oppressive heat of summer slowly fading into the colorful leaves and cooler nights of fall. The transition from cop and shadow into a real relationship had been largely seamless for Castle and Kate. They still bickered, just like they always had, and at times they had more intense disagreements; but for the most part, things were going smoothly.

They awoke in the same bed nearly every morning, usually naked. They went to work if Kate was on shift, spent time at her apartment or the loft or out around the city on her days off. Much of their free time was devoted to hunting Bracken; true to his word, Castle was her anchor, tethering her to dry land, reeling her back in every time she was in danger of drowning.

Election Day was fast approaching and, much to their disappointment, Bracken had won the primary, was his party's nominee for the general election in just two short months. Which meant they were quickly running out of time to accumulate enough evidence to take him down.

Flying under the radar so as to not arouse any suspicions was proving to be challenging as well, drastically limiting their resources. However, a month prior, they'd finally had a lead that panned out. Their background research on anyone associated with Bracken had identified a man named Jason Marks, a political consultant for a firm based in Washington, DC who had been working for Bracken for years. He spent a reasonable amount of time in Manhattan, and for the past month, Kate and Castle had been keeping tabs on him when he was in the city, tracking his movements, taking photographs, attempting to identify anyone he met with.

All they needed was one small slip-up from Bracken, but unfortunately the senator had proven to be nearly flawless in his cover ups.

"We're running out of time," Kate lamented late one night, after their newest batch of photographs had proven completely unhelpful.

"We have two months," Castle assuaged, but even he could barely suppress the growing nervousness of the approaching election. The thought of the man responsible for the death of Johanna Beckett and countless others – the man responsible for putting a bullet in Kate's chest – being in charge of the nation made him sick. He knew Kate wouldn't be able to live with it; he didn't even want to consider how she'd react if Bracken actually won.

"Exactly," Kate countered. "Two months and we have absolutely nothing,"

"You don't know that," he protested. "Something in these pictures might end up being the key. Maybe we just don't know what we're looking for yet."

"Well we need to figure that out," she snapped, and Castle recoiled in surprise at the venom in her voice. "Sorry," she added, softening at his reaction and dropping a hand, spreading her palm over his thigh. "I just…what do we do, Rick? We have to find something."

He set aside his laptop, scooted deeper into her sofa until his left leg was flush against her right from hip to calf. Kate curled into his side, sighing heavily as he draped an arm across her shoulders, holding her close.

"We will," he whispered, hoping beyond hope that his words wouldn't prove to be a lie.

* * *

But as the weeks passed, Election Day creeping ever closer, Castle felt the knot in stomach tighten more each day. Jason Marks had come to town on two more occasions, but his visits hadn't revealed any compromising information, and he remained their only lead.

Meanwhile, Bracken was leading in the polls and Kate's safety remained hinged on a shaky deal based on a bluff. Her stress level was rising daily, and Castle found himself fighting harder than ever to pull her away from the case.

"You have to take a break, Kate," he urged, lifting the stack of evidence from her lap and setting it aside.

As expected, she didn't take it well. "Castle."

"Please," he begged. "It's eight-thirty on a Friday night. You can take a break until the morning."

"I can't," she snapped. "We've got nothing and we're running out of time."

"And we're not going to find anything on a Friday night," Castle pointed out. "Take a break."

She huffed but finally complied, rising and stalking through the office into his bedroom where she became aware of the sound of running water.

Castle secured the files in his wall safe, caught up with Kate at the edge of the tub that was nearly full now, bubbles coating the top of the steaming water.

"Figured you might want to relax," he offered, stepping into the en suite to turn off the faucet, stepping back out of the room just as quickly. It went against every instinct for him to give her space in times like this but he was trying. Trying so hard to be what she needed.

"Castle?" she called, and he paused in the doorway, turned to face her. "Thanks," she offered with a tight smile.

He smiled back, the expression strained. "I'll be out here when you're done."

* * *

By the time the chill of the water chased her out of the tub, Kate was feeling much better. The stress was still there, would be simmering just beneath the surface until Bracken was rotting in prison. But the intense fear and frustration from earlier in the evening had faded.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, sinking onto the edge of the bed by his hip, body wrapped in a thin silk robe and damp hair tumbling in loose curls around her shoulders.

"It's okay," Castle said automatically, setting aside his laptop. He wasn't getting much writing done anyway.

Kate shook her head insistently. "It's not. None of this is okay."

"No, you're right," he admitted with a sigh. "But it's almost over."

"What if it's not?"

He didn't have an answer.

Kate sighed, rose after a long moment and untied her robe, bending to retrieve her discarded clothing.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," she answered as she perfunctorily went about the task of dressing herself, arching away from his fingers as they attempted to unhook her bra.

"Stay," Castle pleaded, rising to situate himself against her back, looping one arm low around her waist and aligning the other with her left arm, batting away the shirt she was attempting to put on.

"Castle," she scolded lightly. When his fingers dropped to her chest, dipping beneath the edge of her bra, she huffed a sigh, turned to face him. "I have to go home, Rick."

"Why?" he pouted, catching her on the back of her thighs, fingers spreading wide over her naked skin.

"I have no clothes for tomorrow," she defended far too rationally, but he didn't miss the catch of her lower lip between her teeth, the ripple of her muscles beneath his touch. She wanted to stay, he could tell, and he didn't want her leave.

Then again, he never wanted her to leave. She spent most nights at the loft now, was comfortable there, and he loved having her there. He wanted her there all the time.

"You know, you could just bring all your clothes here," he suggested, aiming for offhandedness as his thumbs continued to trace absentminded lines across the back of her thighs.

From her quick intake of breath, he could tell his attempted nonchalance had failed. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

He lifted his sincere gaze to hers, shrugged as though it was obvious. Easy. "It'd be perfect. Mother's going on the road with _Mame_ , Alexis has her own place now. We'd have the loft to ourselves."

Kate opened her mouth to speak, closed it, opened it again but her tongue felt like dead weight and the words were stuck in her throat. "Ye… I… have a lease," she finally spluttered.

"Romantic," Castle deadpanned.

"Realistic," she countered, backing away until his hands fell away from her legs. She couldn't think straight with his thumbs sneaking ever closer to her inner thighs.

"You could always sublet," he suggested simply, arms falling to his sides. "Or I can help you cover the rent for a few months."

She stepped into her pants, snapped her head back up at his suggestion. "Castle."

He held up his hands in mollification. "I'm just saying. There are options."

"And I'm saying I'll think about it," she hedged, bending down to retrieve her shirt once more and sliding her arms through the sleeves, slipping the dark blue fabric gracefully over her head.

Truthfully, she wanted to say yes. Crazy as it was, as fast as things had progressed with the two of them, she _did_ want to move in with him.

It went in direct opposition to all of her carefully crafted logical arguments.

Then again, she'd fallen in love with Richard Castle. Clearly, logic had no place here.

But the election was in seventeen days and she really didn't have time to have this argument right now. She'd keep tracking Marks, keep digging into anything else she could, keep hoping they'd find something in time.

And then maybe, _maybe,_ she'd consider moving in with Castle.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


	36. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Their long-awaited break came very early the next morning, sixteen days before the election, though it certainly wasn't the break they were expecting.

"Kate?" The word was rough, voice foggy with sleep as he pressed the phone to his ear, suppressed a yawn.

"Hey," she greeted.

"It's…" he pushed up into a seated position, scrubbed his free hand over his eyes before squinting at the clock. "…five in the morning."

"Yeah, I know. Look, Castle, I need you to come to the precinct."

"Did something happen?"

Kate rested her elbow on the edge of her desk, dropped her forehead into her free hand. "Jason Marks was murdered."

* * *

"Hey," Kate greeted, exiting the restroom just as the elevator doors parted to reveal Castle.

"What do we know?" he asked, stepping out and falling into stride next to her.

"Marks was shot in an alley off 17th Street at three a.m. this morning," Kate began. "Canvass hasn't turned up any witnesses who saw the shooter but I did see a dark SUV fleeing the alley just after is happened. We're pulling traffic cam footage to see if we can get a plate or the driver's face."

"What a minute," Castle stopped, turned and blocked her path, forcing Kate to stumble to an abrupt halt. " _You_ saw?"

Kate hesitated but he continued before she could speak.

"You went out last night? Alone?"

"I was careful," she promised, stepping around him and continuing on her intended path to the break room, leaving Castle no alternative but to follow. "But I didn't have a choice. Jason Marks came back to town. He got dropped off in that alley for a late-night meet."

They rounded the corner into the break room and Castle stopped just inside the door. "With whom?"

"I don't know," she replied, reaching for a clean mug with one hand and the coffee pot with the other. "I was about to back off when he got shot."

"You didn't see the shooter?"

She filled her mug with the steaming liquid, replaced the pot. "He must've been in the shadows. I didn't see the car either until the engine started."

He hummed in acknowledgement.

Kate reached for the creamer. "It can't be a coincidence, though."

"What can't?"

"Murder of one of Bracken's guys this close to the election," she stated, setting the container aside and turning to her partner. "However they're connected, he must be the last link back to the truth so he had to get rid of him."

"And he just happened to get shot while you were watching," Castle mused, though the tone of his voice belied his faux curiosity.

Kate crossed her arms, raised an eyebrow. "You're saying this was my fault?"

"I'm saying I don't think it was a coincidence," he clarified, voice rising in irritation. "And I should've been there."

"How would that have stopped him?"

"It wouldn't have, but I thought we agreed to do this together."

"We did, but…"

"Is this why you said no?" Castle asked, fire licking the dark of his eyes.

Kate furrowed her brow. "Said…no?"

"When I asked you to move in?"

"What?" she hissed.

"Because if you have your own place, you can sneak off at night alone and run right into the fire?"

"I didn't say no," she snapped. "I said I'd think about it. And I said that because this time last year I'd just gotten done being pissed at you for reopening this case, and we've only been together for six months, and now you want me to live with you and you don't seem to realize that this is all moving just a little too fast."

He shrugged. "I love you. You love me. I don't see how this is too fast."

"Six months, Rick," she reiterated.

He opened his mouth to reply but the moment was broken by the ringing of Kate's phone. She sighed, took a step away from her partner and unfolded her arms to retrieve the device.

It was Lanie.

It was also the moment everything began to unravel. Quickly.

They'd found a bullet in Marks's body. A bullet that matched to Kate's gun. Moments after hanging up with the ME, the elevator doors parted to reveal three detectives from Internal Affairs.

"Castle, we gotta go," Kate hissed, tossing her phone onto the counter. She was out of the room before he had a chance to react, the door swinging violently back on its hinges and slamming into the break room counter. He startled, the sound unfreezing his limbs, forcing him after her. Castle yanked his phone from his pocket, tossed it onto the counter with Kate's and dashed out of the break room on her heels.

From there, it was all a blur. Marks had met with Smith, Ryan and Espo determined, interrupting Castle's mad dash from the precinct to share the news. He'd committed the details to memory and fled, finally catching up to Beckett a few blocks from the precinct. She'd snuck down to the basement and slipped into a baggy grey sweatshirt she'd snagged from lost and found. The hood was pulled up over her face and large aviator sunglasses hid her eyes.

They paused for only a minute, Castle pulling her into a tight hug as they discussed their options, prepared to flee the city. He'd never been more thankful for his connections than he was right now; within the hour they had passports, burner phones, disguises, and a car, and were headed northbound out of the city.

They stopped at a seedy motel in the Bronx to allow Kate a chance to cut and dye her hair. She set up in the bathroom while Castle stepped into a dark, abandoned stairwell to answer his phone.

It was Smith.

He'd faked his death, they learned, disappeared in order to begin the search for a recording on which Bracken confessed to murder. It was the only evidence remaining that the senator hadn't been able to dispose of; in fact, he'd hired Marks to find it, not knowing that Marks was working with Smith to take him down.

Except it seemed now that Bracken had learned the truth, had Marks killed with Beckett's gone before either of them could expose the truth.

"Here's what I don't understand," Castle began after relaying this information to Kate.

Kate lifted her head to find her partner leaning against the bathroom door frame, watching with his usual intrigue as she removed the contents from the box of hair dye, arranged them on the edge of the porcelain sink.

"What?"

"Why didn't he just kill you? He's had so many chances."

Kate had to force the words out around the alternating waves of frustration, anger, and nausea churning her stomach, compressing her chest. "Because now when I go down for Marks's murder, I won't be able to do anything but sit back and watch Bracken become president."

"Well there's one problem with his plan," Castle stated resolutely.

"What's that?"

"You're not gonna go down for this."

Kate turned, eyebrow raised in disbelief at his continued optimism in the face of overwhelming doubt. "They have me at the crime scene, Castle. I don't have an alibi. And he was shot with my gun."

"Your gun that was _stolen_ ," he emphasized. "If we can prove someone stole it…"

"It's my backup piece," she reminded him. "I haven't used it in months, I have no clue how long ago it went missing."

"But you know where it was," he pushed. "If there's fingerprints…"

"Bracken's not that sloppy, Castle, and you know it," Kate interrupted in exasperation. "You're just grasping at straws."

"Yes," he all but shouted, and the anguish and desperation in his voice cut straight to her heart. "I am. I'm not gonna lose you like this. Straws is all we have right now, so yes, I'm grasping."

She fell silent.

"What's going on, Kate?"

"What do you mean?"

"This isn't like you to give up so easily."

"You think this is _easy_?" she spat. "God, Castle, I'm leaving everything behind and I'm taking _you_ away from your family."

"It's temporary," he reminded her. "We're gonna keep fighting this, no matter where we end up. We've got Ryan and Espo and Lanie on our side. They're not gonna give up on you, and neither am I."

"What if it's not enough?" Kate asked, voice lowering to an anguished whisper. "What if they can't prove it's a setup? I'll never be safe again, Castle."

"Hey," he pushed off the wooden frame, crossed to her in two quick strides and enveloped her into his embrace. "We're gonna figure this out. All of it. I promise."

Kate fisted her hands in the sides of his shirt, forced herself to take a few calming breaths. His touch was comforting, his smell familiar, and it reminded her of two of the many reasons she loved him: his unfailing optimism and his unwavering belief in her.

"Now," he pulled back after a long minute, dropped a kiss to her forehead, "I'm gonna get us some food and water, you dye your hair, and when I get back we'll head out. 'Kay?"

Kate felt it all wash over her again – the fact that she was leaving her job, her father, her friends without so much as a goodbye – and forced it down. She met Castle's eyes, nodded, hoping the movement portrayed more bravery and confidence than she felt. "Okay."

* * *

Castle had been gone for no more than two minutes when the creak of a door echoed through the silence. Kate tensed, reaching for the scissors and cursing her decision to leave her gun behind. She crept from the bathroom, stepped out into the hotel room to be immediately confronted by two burly men with guns.

And Senator Bracken.

Shit.

* * *

 _Thoughts_


	37. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Kate supposed she shouldn't be surprised that Bracken tracked her down, that he'd come for her. She and Castle had never stood a chance of outrunning him. Not when he'd been one step ahead of everyone else for the past seventeen years.

But that didn't mean she was prepared to see him face to face again, standing in a darkened hotel room with smug eyes and a conceited smirk.

Her memory of the actual events that transpired was foggy, blurred images swarming through the haze of alcohol and a head injury. There was a confrontation with Bracken, she knew that. He'd spoken to her in his slimy politician voice, leaving her with a strong desire to take a shower in bleach. And then he'd walked away, leaving his guys to ply her with vodka, force a pill in her mouth and place her gun in her hand, staging it like a suicide.

She remembered pretending to be drunk, remembered taking them out with her elbow and her gun. She vaguely recalled glass smashing over her head. She remembered trying to flee, remembered collapsing in the hallway, and from there her memory was a blank.

She awoke an unknown number of hours later in an unfamiliar car, forested mountains rising against the falling darkness. She squinted into the twilight, the unrecognizable shapes of the landscape reminding her of the dream she'd been having just before she woke; bits and piece of a memory, but nothing she could see clearly.

It was coalescing now, though, just as the rising moon was illuminating the outlines of the mountains.

"A recording," Kate said suddenly, voice hoarse, but Castle recognized that tone.

He flicked his eyes to hers briefly before turning them back to the road. There wasn't a car in sight. "What?"

"Smith said there was a recording," Kate repeated, voice stronger this time. "A tape, right?"

"Right."

Kate lifted her head with great effort, turned to Castle. "We have to go back."

"We can't."

"We have to."

Castle sighed, flicked his eyes to her again. She still looked battered and dazed but her jaw was set, her eyes gradually becoming clearer.

"When I was a rookie, Montgomery found me down in the archives."

He glanced back to the road, hazarded a guess. "Working the case?"

She nodded. "He could've – _should_ _'_ _ve_ – written me up, but he didn't."

"Okay," Castle prompted, still unsure where she was going with this.

"He asked me what I was doing," she continued. "And then told me to keep searching. To look through all of my mom's belongings."

"Which we've done," he pointed out.

"Castle, he told me to look for cassette tapes."

His head jerked sharply to the right. "You think he knew about the recording?"

"Why else would he have said that?" Kate asked.

"And you think he gave it to your mom?"

"Again, why else…"

"Right."

"Which means I probably have it."

"But we've been through all of her stuff multiple times," he reminded her gently. "There's no tape."

"Then we missed it," Kate insisted. "It's there somewhere, Castle. It's in my apartment. We have to go back and find it."

"How?" he asked. "You know IA has your place under surveillance."

"I…"

"Of course, if your stuff was all at the loft…" he muttered under his breath.

"Not the time," Kate hissed through clenched teeth. "And you really think they don't have the loft surrounded too?"

"Then I don't see how we can get in."

"We call Ryan and Espo," she answered easily. "Have them help us out."

"Kate."

"Castle, this is our only shot," she stated firmly. The drunkenness was long gone now and her voice had regained its usual authority and determination.

He opened his mouth in hesitation but didn't speak.

"You were the one saying I wasn't gonna go down for this," she quoted back at him. "And you were right. If we can find that tape, it'll all be over."

He flicked his eyes to the rearview mirror, glanced back out the windshield as he depressed the brake pedal, slowing the car almost to a stop and pulling over onto the shoulder. His stomach was roiling with nerves, his writer's mind spinning all the possible scenarios for how this could possibly go awry. But he had to admit that she was right. This was their shot, and they had to take it.

"Okay," he conceded, turning the wheel and guiding the car around into the opposite direction. "You're right. Let's go."

* * *

The elephants.

In a million years, Castle never would have thought to take apart the family of white elephants decorating the corner of her desk. But it was there.

They had the proof they'd been searching for.

Castle didn't think he'd ever been more proud in his life than he was as he watched Kate emerge from the courthouse with Senator Bracken in handcuffs. She was still shaken, he knew, but she looked confident and strong as she led him down the stairs surrounded by a mob of reporters.

She handed him off at the curb, tossed Ryan and Espo her keys.

She'd done her job. She didn't need to be there for the drive back to the precinct.

Castle watched from his spot on the sidewalk as Ryan and Espo shoved Bracken into the back of her car, eyes on Kate as she watched them drive away. Her eyes followed the car until it disappeared from sight; as soon as it was gone, she shifted her gaze to him, tears pooling in her eyes.

He extended his arms as she approached, arms encircling her waist as she looped hers around his neck, holding him tightly.

"She's proud of you," he whispered into her hair, felt her exhale a shaky breath. "Wherever she is, she's proud."

"I never could've done this without you," Kate murmured against his neck.

They stood wrapped in each other's embrace for a long moment, oblivious to the people around them, the noise, the traffic rushing by.

The reverie was broken only by the vibrations of Kate's phone. She stepped back but didn't go far, one arm still draped around Castle's neck as she retrieved the device. She smiled at the face flashing on the screen, answered the call and raised the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Dad," she greeted. "You heard?"

"On the news right now." A long pause, then, "I'm so proud of you, Katie. And I know your mom is too."

Kate stepped back into Castle, resting her forehead against the cradle of his neck as the first tear slipped free. She sniffed, pressed her eyes closed, but couldn't find the words.

"We'll talk later, okay?" Jim offered, saving her the need to speak.

"Okay," she murmured in agreement. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Kate pocketed her phone, lifted watery eyes to Castle's. He smiled softly, one finger catching the hair that was caught in her eyelashes and gently tucking it behind her ear.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She nodded, smiled through the tears.

She missed her mom. She'd always miss her mom.

But for the first time in seventeen years, she almost felt whole again.

She had closure. She had an incredible partner, in crime solving and in life. A man who loved her. A man she loved more than she'd ever loved anyone.

A man she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And it was time to take the next step with him.

Kate extended a hand, snagging his and lacing their fingers together.

Castle fell into stride next to her and they began making their way up the sidewalk on foot. The precinct was just a few blocks away and the autumn chill mixed with the sunshine and the lightest of breezes made for perfect walking weather. Maybe they'd even stop for coffee or lunch.

But Kate had other ideas, it seemed. He felt the gentle tug of her hand on his at the next intersection, stuttered to a halt and turned curious eyes to hers. She was gazing up at him, a smile lifting the corners of her mouth, her eyes soft and green and so full of love.

God, she was so beautiful. So fierce and strong. So loving.

Her hand tugged again, fingers tightening around his, and he followed without hesitation as she turned them in the direction of the loft.

"Come on, Castle," she murmured, voice soft but sure. "Let's go home."

* * *

 **END**

* * *

 _And that's a wrap!_

 _It's been a long time since I've written much of anything for this fandom, and certainly since I've written anything this long, so thank you to all of you for reading and retweeting links, and for your lovely comments, and for still being out there keeping this fandom alive!_

 _Thank you also to: (1) Andy, my wonderful beta/cheerleader; (2) Alex for helping me work through all the details of Johanna Beckett's case in this alternate scenario; and (3) Angie for the lovely cover art._

 _Until next time!_

 _Diana_


End file.
